Fired for gross misconduct, how to move on

[b0rnSad]

A week ago I got fired from my job, for gross misconduct. I don't really want to go into the details but I also don't know how to move on.

It seems if I'm not asleep, I'm crying. I feel quite bleak about the future. I miss my job, I miss the friends I made. I really enjoyed it and was on track for a managers position which makes it all the more harder to swallow.

I haven't got any real life friends to talk about this. So I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this? I almost feel stupid for being upset and gutted considering it was my own actions that led to this. I wish I had realised what I was at risk of loosing 😖

Please tell me I'm not a complete looser and I will feel better soon

Jesus Christ, some dickhead comments on this thread.

OP is in need of support, not a moral disciplinary right now. If any of the high horses here haven't 1) printed a document at work ("stealing") 2) stared into space whilst on the clock ("stealing") or 3) used their work phone for a personal call ("stealing") then I would be very surprised.

OP, you ballsed up. We all do. You're not a bad person because if you were you wouldn't feel this upset and remorseful. Go easy on yourself. This will pass, I promise.

All true. And I wouldn’t have. And I wouldn’t have called it a silly mistake. But… what do you suggest should happen now? Should she be relegated to a life on benefits supported by the tax payer? Punished in perpetuity for a single act? Or, should we accept what happened give advice on how to live past it (whilst fully owning what she did to herself instead of making excuses)? She should be able to work again, support herself and put this behind her.

There is no debt to society to pay. Her employer will have had the £50 back from her or chosen to let it go. That’s done with. It’s over. So, what do you want to happen to her?

She deserved what she got… which was losing thag job. Does she deserve to never work again, starve, be homeless? No. So stop it.

Focus on getting a new job as you've learnt your lesson

Yeah not sure about this comment, I mean staring into space. Seriously?

and it’s clear the op is feeling upset as she’s been fired and lost so much due to it. Upset more as she got caught.

however on saying that, I don’t think the moral comments help, she’s is getting a reference, it’s done now, so she needs to focus on applying for other jobs and putting it behind her.

You are where you are, you cannot change the past, but you can change how you allow this to impact on your feelings, your emotions and your future.. you can put this behind you, move forward and not allow these feelings to take over. accept the feelings, name them... the tapping technique can be really powerful.. https://myhealth.alberta.ca/Health/pages/conditions.aspx?hwid=acl9225&lang=en-ca. you can also describe where in your body you feel these feelings, what colour and shape is associated with them, what intensity they are and note how the intensity decreases, the colour / shape / emotions and words change.

Losing her job is the punishment. She’s paid the price. So is allowed to move on.

There really is work out there. Care Homes are usually a good place to start. Not sure what your skills are but you have a reference. So start looking and put this behind you. I’m sure you now know that you need a better strategy with money.

@Lampslights - fair, but my point was more "unless you are whiter than white, you can get down off your high hypocritical horse"

You're right. The other contributors here are nicer than you.

OP, what you did was wrong, but you already know that, so I won't labour the point.

We all make stupid decisions at times, some with more catastrophic consequences than others. At the end of the day, nobody died.

None of us can change the past so there is no point in beating yourself up about what's done. All that you can do now is pick yourself up, learn from the mistake and carry on moving forward.

Edited to add that one of the best and most trustworthy employees that I ever had had a previous criminal conviction for theft. People grow and change. Good employees recognise this and will often give people a second chance. I'd have happily trusted that woman with my own personal bank details tbh.

Well, me neither. You don’t steal £50 by mistake. You sneakily steal it and don’t want to found out. It’s a deliberate act.

OP I'm not minimising theft but please ignore some of the dipsticks on here. Some folk enjoy putting the boot in when people are vulnerable by taking a very absolutist moral stance which I would bet your £50 they never apply in real life to themselves (to other circumstances if they haven't stolen).

What has somehow passed them by is that a huge underpinning of the justice system as well as most religions is rehabilitation, that is to say moving on and improving from mistakes (and much bigger ones than stealing £50). This is far healthier for society and individuals than bollocking on about 'character flaws'. Which a one off theft is not. It's an act. People can steal for many reasons. Most posters are approaching from the angle of supporting you to reflect, regroup and move on.

Of course people mean 'mistake' as in 'error or lapse in judgement' not 'took the wrong turning'. That is a well known meaning for 'mistake'.

You're getting a basic reference, thats great. Someone mentioned a cover story. Ok, don't tell the world but you need to be truthful with new employers. Prepare a brief version of the truth that is as unsensational as possible and shows your reflection and change. You won't have to go into it forever but for the next job at least you will prob have to explain yourself so best to have something ready than be caught on the hop at interview.

I would probably let the dust settle a bit before getting in touch with ex colleagues unless there was anyone you'd call a particular friend.

I work in HR and people can and do move on after being dismissed for GM. I haven’t been but I have been made redundant a few times and I can relate to the wrench and feeling of loss. It’s early days yet, you’ll be OK x

Exactly, it doesn’t happen by mistake does it?! Sorry the Op is feeling bad etc but this didn’t happen by accident and her employer had no choice but to sack her 🤷‍♀️

You’re right - stealing so you can buy food is desperately sad.

getting wankered is pathetic.

Be kind to yourself. Perhaps there is another universe where you didn't get caught, and got in the habit of stealing money from work, then got in much bigger trouble when you got caught.

You need to put this behind you and move on. We all do stupid things sometimes.

WRT references, I'd suggest considering a temp job next, as they'll get you back earning quickly so there won't be much of a gap on your CV. Then, the agency becomes your most recent employer, and when you're going for a permanent job that requires a reference from you most recent employer, you can use them.

I did this when I quit a job because the boss was a bully and a narcissist and I didn't trust them to give me a good reference.

You're getting a basic reference, thats great. Someone mentioned a cover story. Ok, don't tell the world but you need to be truthful with new employers. Prepare a brief version of the truth that is as unsensational as possible and shows your reflection and change

don’t do this op. It’s shockingly bad advice, you will not be employed again.

What do you suggest she does when they ask her why she was fired?

Agree. There is no need to tell future employers.

Focus on getting any job you can just now (e.g. my temp job suggestion) and once you've done that, you'll be a step away from them, no need to tell anyone you don't want to.

She isn't disputing that. Has she claimed a bullseye just fell into her pocket and it's all terribly unfair? No.

Yes, she needs to be prepared to say something if case she's asked, but she shouldn't volunteer this info. Why would they know she was fired? She doesn't need to tell them unless asked, and many job application processes don't ask why you left.

🙄
she still shouldn’t have stolen
we all have hard times, have I ever considered stealing from my employer? No
Because I’m not stupid

They won’t ask that because her employer has agreed not to say that. They’re just giving a basic reference with start and leave dates, not the reason for leaving or the text or gross misconduct. Only an idiot would go and tell a possibly new employer during interview.

She did it. But she paid for it. Now she moves. She doesn’t need to tell anyone.

Oh no I'm well aware it's not unfair. They didn't have any other option. I would be a risk to be the business if kept & the trust was shot to pieces.
I'm just terribly gutted in myself. Although I did need the money, it was also a snap rash decision, that I truly didn't stop to take a moment and think of the consequences.

If I could have the time again, I'd go back and put the money back before it was ever realised to be gone & have a quiet word with my manager about how I was struggling.

Someone mentioned foodbank which I did ask for but I was told it needed to be a social worker to refer me & I needed to be unemployed.

I have no bad feelings towards my employer. I'm well aware of what I am labelled in their eyes. And I never wanted the sympathy, I just wanted to know if it was normal to feel like this, considering I am the reason I feel like this. Therapy would be a very good decision as this really has pushed me into a very dark place. I feel more alone than ever. I'm just such an idiot

She can say many things, from issues over shift patterns, to just time for a change and heard they were a brilliant company. It doesn’t matter, but as soon as she says she was robbing them, she is not going to get a job, another candidate will.

I feel for you OP. We've all made some terrible decisions in the past. I know I have.

On stealing money.... years ago I stole money from the petty cash I was in charge of and then repaid it. Is that what you did?

As my Nanna would've said, "No point crying about it now". You'll move on, truly you will. Be strong X