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Original poster

Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

756 replies

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 08:28

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

OP posts:

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MidnightPatrol · 14/05/2024 08:30

Can DD not use the bathroom as soon as she wakes up at 7.15?

You should really brush your teeth before you eat breakfast.

YANBU that it’s annoying to be up and getting everyone ready for your DH to wake up at the last possible second though.

Littlebitpsycho · 14/05/2024 08:32

MidnightPatrol · 14/05/2024 08:30

Can DD not use the bathroom as soon as she wakes up at 7.15?

You should really brush your teeth before you eat breakfast.

YANBU that it’s annoying to be up and getting everyone ready for your DH to wake up at the last possible second though.

Why on earth would you brush your teeth before breakfast? It's just going to make your teeth dirty again before u go out?

DH is in the wrong and hopefully the bang on the head has knocked some sense into him!

Beezknees · 14/05/2024 08:33

MidnightPatrol · 14/05/2024 08:30

Can DD not use the bathroom as soon as she wakes up at 7.15?

You should really brush your teeth before you eat breakfast.

YANBU that it’s annoying to be up and getting everyone ready for your DH to wake up at the last possible second though.

You're not supposed to eat straight after brushing your teeth.

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RandomMess · 14/05/2024 08:33

Put a BIG sign on the door "no entry 7.45-8am"

Or better still give him the responsibility for getting her ready for school for a week/forever.

crumblingschools · 14/05/2024 08:34

Put his stuff somewhere else in the house.

I assume he doesn’t do much parenting

Nottherealslimshady · 14/05/2024 08:34

You don't brush your teeth before breakfast! It makes your breakfast taste funny.

"Get out the bathroom, you know DD needs to be in the bathroom at this time to not be late for school, you know this is the only time all morning you can't use the bathroom." Every morning. Probably won't work, he's far more important, obviously.

Winetastingtimewasting · 14/05/2024 08:35

Sounds like you and your child are doing everything you can to have a smooth and organised routine …
sounds like he is lazy and selfish, happy for you to do all the above and annoyed that he has to change his routine by mins to allow you to do all the above.
you shouldn't have to but I would get her up 15 mins early , bring her slot forwards and let her have 15 mins screen/ reading as a reward for organised mornings.
because , let’s be honest he won’t change and it’s not something to leave over …but he better believe the erosion that will set in when you make adjustments such as these…

it’s far from ideal but these are the crazy things you have to do accommodate a man child …

hope you have a thousand messages to show him what a selfish twat he is …
hope he changes and grows up …
but I won’t be holding my breath for you x

Myopicglass · 14/05/2024 08:36

You are meant to brush before eating if you cannot wait for 30 mins after eating.

‘When you're looking to protect your tooth enamel, brushing right after you wake up in the morning is better than brushing your teeth after breakfast. If you have to brush your teeth after breakfast, try to wait at least 30 minutes before you brush.‘

Toomuch44 · 14/05/2024 08:36

Sounds like it'll be hard to change him. Could DD have a wash and get dressed immediately she gets up, then you have a spare toothbrush and toothpaste downstairs, so if she gets stuck she can clean her teeth in the sink. Fast forward a few years into mid teens-early 20s, she'll get her own back and be in there absolutely ages getting ready and they'll be no rushing her, so she'll get her own back!

MistyBean · 14/05/2024 08:36

I'm no dentist but I understood that you shouldn't brush for a while after eating as your enamel is softened by acids in your food. You should brush before eating if you have a tight timescale to get ready in.

MistyBean · 14/05/2024 08:37

However the point is that your husband for some reason can't work with you on this, which is very disappointing x

Original poster

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 08:38

She cleans her teeth after eating so they’re clean for school. Why should she have to change her routine for a grown adult?

If he said he needed the 7.45-8.00 bathroom slot every day then maybe I could plan a different routine for DD. But some days he’s up at 7 and gone to work early for a meeting. Sometimes he’s wfh so he lies in bed later and uses the bathroom after DD has gone. DD isn’t just going to fit around his whims!

DD needs a reliable routine to get ready for school, and so do I. I use alarms every 15 minutes for her activities to keep her on track because she’s autistic. Get up, go downstairs for breakfast, go to the bathroom, go out of the door. It’s not helpful when she goes to the bathroom for her 15 minute time slot and DH is having a shit or brushing his teeth.

OP posts:

m00rfarm · 14/05/2024 08:39

Most of what I have read says brush after eating so that the toothpaste is allowed to do its job.

Original poster

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 08:46

Myopicglass · 14/05/2024 08:36

You are meant to brush before eating if you cannot wait for 30 mins after eating.

I don’t want to debate the merits of brushing before or after eating. The thread is about a selfish man who’s preventing a child getting ready for school, not about when is best to brush your teeth.

OP posts:

Original poster

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 08:48

Toomuch44 · 14/05/2024 08:36

She shouldn’t be “getting stuck” because a selfish man can’t be bothered to get up half an hour earlier. Why doesn’t DH clean HIS teeth in the kitchen sink if he needs to?

OP posts:

InTheRainOnATrain · 14/05/2024 08:55

Yes he sounds like a selfish knob but it would be better for everyone, especially DD’s teeth if she used the bathroom as soon as she gets up. So I’d do that. You’ve told him repeatedly and he’s not listening, he’s probably not going to start listening, mornings are a battleground, her enamel is being damaged. So swap her routine around. Then separately it’s up to you to evaluate your relationship with someone you consider to be selfish and that doesn’t listen to you.

Acinonyx2 · 14/05/2024 08:57

I brushed dd's teeth at the kitchen sink - kept a set there for her. This was much quicker generally as we didn't need to get back upstairs to the bathroom and didn't matter what dh was doing. (When I went back to work - it was me and dh clashing over the bathroom that drove me crazy.)

TheOccupier · 14/05/2024 08:58

Husband sounds like a dick, or maybe he's ND too (or both!). I would keep a toothbrush and toothpaste for DD in a special cup by the kitchen sink, plus anything else she needs for post-breakfast ablutions.

Spirallingdownwards · 14/05/2024 09:00

How is she washing after she gets dressed though? Surely she can't wash properly with clothes on?

Surely up washed and dressed, then breakfast, and if you insist of teeth brushing after breakfast just keep her toothbrush and toothpaste by the kitchen sink or downstairs loo and then it matters not if someone else is using the bathroom to get ready for work. It sounds as though you are being rigid in your routine (which doesn't make sense in terms of what is done when anyway).

SilkFloss · 14/05/2024 09:02

MN on typical form here - the thread ends up slating the OP about tooth-brushing "rules" instead of addressing the actual issue.
For the record, I do both - I brush when I get up and then after breakfast too.
Happy for people to pile on...

Megifer · 14/05/2024 09:06

My dad used to do this. With him it was a display of his importance, not the ony one. I remember changing the times I got to the bathroom and lo and behold so did he.

You could change the times just to test that theory so you know how fucked off to be?

I have to say though that if my DP was pulling this shit he'd be told straight to piss off out the bathroom. Not on for him to affect the whole morning routine like that. Dickhead.

rosalynd34 · 14/05/2024 09:07

SilkFloss · 14/05/2024 09:02

I was just thinking the same, way for everyone to spectacularly miss the point and focus on the wrong thing!

Everyone can suggest changing the childs routine but why on earth should they have to.

Have you sat down and explained to your partner how utterly selfish it is that despite you repeatedly asking, he is continuing to be disruptive? If it were me, I would tell him if it happens again, he will be getting up and getting her ready in the mornings as you are sick of his selfishness.

rosalynd34 · 14/05/2024 09:09

Megifer · 14/05/2024 09:06

My dad used to do this. With him it was a display of his importance, not the ony one. I remember changing the times I got to the bathroom and lo and behold so did he.

You could change the times just to test that theory so you know how fucked off to be?

I have to say though that if my DP was pulling this shit he'd be told straight to piss off out the bathroom. Not on for him to affect the whole morning routine like that. Dickhead.

Funny enough my Dad did this too and I think it was the same thing. And if he got up late he would stomp about and if you got in his way he was even more awful than normal.

Does make you wonder if its a similar thing, he is saying he doesnt care who is inconvenienced as he is most important.

Original poster

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 09:09

Have you sat down and explained to your partner how utterly selfish it is that despite you repeatedly asking, he is continuing to be disruptive?
Yep. He said “why are you so horrible?”

OP posts:

rosalynd34 · 14/05/2024 09:09

Spelunk · 14/05/2024 09:09

Have you sat down and explained to your partner how utterly selfish it is that despite you repeatedly asking, he is continuing to be disruptive?
Yep. He said “why are you so horrible?”

Im guessing this isnt a stand up guy generally, honestly it sounds like this is part of a much bigger issue.

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