Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

It’s two things isn’t it, because when you’re looking from the outside you can see that the OP’s daughters schedule is inefficient. Up, washed, dressed, breakfast would save her going back on herself.

BUT over and above that your husband is living like he’s on his own with no responsibilities. You need to have a serious talk to him.

I know why is everyone arsed what order she brushes her teeth or whether she gets dressed before or after a wash? This is what works for them. The DH is being a belligerent cockend, so he should adjust his routine display of importance

Anyone else find this thread odd?
We are a large family with limited bathroom space. We pile in when we can - often with arguments! You snooze you loose attitude but that's just family life right before 8.30 right?
My life is too complicated enough before I start not only setting out timed slots for my children to use the bathroom but then also enforcing it.
How strange.
PS - your DH should have equal responsibility getting her dressed.

Outside looking in, to me, DDs routine is absolutely fine and just as efficient as any other given it all takes the same amount of time

Why are you with someone who doesn’t want family life? This is what family life is, it’s a really fundamental to a relationship. And he only cares about himself.

It might be small when looked at alone, but it’s a sign of how he feels about family life and what his family need.

Christ the first responses on here are ludicrous! Talk about fucking enabling a man child. @Spelunk you are completely right in that he is being selfish and it’s not up to you/ your Dd to keep toothbrushes in the kitchen or anything else. As pp said, he just thinks he is more important.

I'm actually not sure why DD's "need" to use the bathroom at a certain time trumps DH's "need" to use it at a certain time? Particularly, as suggested by many on this thread, DD's current routine is possible not the most efficient way of doing things.

Why not approach this from another direction? Ask DH to specify when he would like the bathroom and work round that? At least if he can't then complain that OP is imposing some rules on him.

What does she need to do that takes 15mins?

Teeth...2-3 mins
Wash 2 mins
Toilet 2 mins

Sometimes allowing too much time for a task makes life harder.

But yes... your DH should be helping not making life harder.

Get her to brush before breakfast, as dentists recommend.

Have a bottle of mouthwash next to the kitchen sink so she can rinse after she's had breakfast.

Oh no, I couldn’t cope with that! My morning routine has always been timed, even before I had DD. Now it’s even more complex because I have two people to get ready, so the timed routine is even more important. Also DD needs that reliable schedule, she doesn’t cope well with uncertainty.

DH doesn’t get DD ready because he’s going to work at 8am and I’m part time so I’m not rushing out. I don’t mind getting her ready. What I do mind is having my (and DD) routine interrupted by his selfishness.

Because it sounds like the DH can be flexible around it and also stop being a lazy grown adult, whereas the DD has to be out the house by a certain time. Some kids need a bit of a set routine around school morning, usually (NT) grown adults are less likely to need that.

As an autistic child, DD having a consistent and neat routine like the one OP has made for her trumps grouchy pants husband in my opinion.

He won't change because he's selfish and lazy Just get her to use the kitchen sink or maybe you have a cloakroom sink.
I know lots of people will be precious about using the kitchen sink but I have to use my water flosser in the kitchen because there is no plug in the bathroom.

I know its not the point but in my house we get up , have breakfast, then brush and wash face, then get dressed. Otherwise we have food and toothpaste all over uniform 😢

Use the toilet.
Wander off to find a doll.
Wash her face and hands.
Pretend to be a unicorn.
Brush her teeth.
Cry about something.
Brush her hair.
Inspect her wobbly tooth in the mirror.
Unroll the toilet paper.
Roll it up again.
Put sunscreen on if it’s hot.

Have you ever tried to get an autistic primary school child ready? 15 minutes is an achievement.

I'm guessing he doesn't have that much to do with DD or he would understand the importance of routine.

He's just thinking about himself and what HE would expect from parents if HE were the child. Which is totally different.

Perhaps when he is calm you could discuss it with him again. So you're not "being horrible" (wtf is that all about, sounds like manipulative behaviour) you're trying to help him understand that his daughter has different needs and that's just the way it is.

If he can't understand that and is a manipulative as I fear, it may be time to consider your options:
Get dd up earlier every day

Get showers the night before

Get an en-suite somewhere

Start asking him in advance about when he needs in tomorrow "so I can get dd up at the right time tomorrow". (Why the fuck should you have to do that)

LTB

How old is she OP?
This would get on my tits too

op what I'd do here is try and get a feel for manbabys routine. Work out when he might head to the bathroom (so does he put his coffee cup down, fart, then go to the bathroom etc) and speed DD up to get in there first.

You've tried discussing it, he's being weird, time to retrain him. Don't make your DD start changing what she does to accommodate it, because I'll genuinely give £100 to the charity of your choice when he starts deciding to use the kitchen sink too when she is, or changes when he goes to the bathroom again.

I'm 99% certain I'm right when I say this, as is just what my dad used to do...."my bathroom I pay for it I'll use it when I want" type thing.

@Spelunk many of us have multiple children to get ready, including with additional needs so no we don't have time to entertain all that and need tighter schedules. My DDs school used to start at 7.30...

But at the moment DD doesn't have a routine because DH is often in the bathroom when her schedule requires her to be so.
There are options to move the items on her routine around to both make it more efficient and avoid DH and get her to school on time.

Insisting that DH must move to a time that he doesn't want is just causing family conflict. Finding a routine that suits everyone is surely a better approach?

We all have timings in our house to as we like routine and think this would drive me crazy. We need timings, as we only have 1 bathroom between 4 of us .. who all need to be out of the house at the same time.

What part doesn't he understand? Not sure how you stop him to be honest but it's incredibly selfish.

DH won’t stick to the same time slot. Even if I told him he could have the bathroom at 7.45 and DD would use it at 7.30, you can guarantee he’d get up early for a meeting or wake up needing a shit and be in the bathroom at 7.30 at least a couple of days per week. He won’t stick to a schedule. He’s selfish, he just wants to use the bathroom whenever he wants.

Funnily enough he never intrudes on MY time slot at 6.30am. Because the lazy fucker is still in bed.

Seven.

This sounds like more than selfishness or cioncidence, it sounds deliberate. I can't begin to understand what's going on - does he enjoy making you/your dd's lives difficult in other ways?

I agree with this.
OP what does he do to help on the morning?