Page 31 | Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

Spelunk · 2024-05-14T07:28:23+00:00

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am. DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot. Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes. He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Teajenny7 · 20/05/2024 12:52

BlueInk1234 · 18/05/2024 23:07

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and people who disagree with you have clearly never seen or had any experience of autistic children. They need routine and the smallest deviation can cause them frustration. I’m sorry about your situation with your husband at home, I hope he makes some changes.

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Actually some of us who have Autistic children or are Autistic have commented on the alarms etc. Have a routine but strict adherence to alarms could be causing more harm than good. Psychologically and physically.

What if she wants to empty her bladder etc before getting dressed or before breakfast?
Is this allowed or does she think she needs to hold on for the time or an alarm?

Think it is time you and DH sort out your downstairs toilet. It is not a storage cupboard.

He needs to try and keep to 'your ' time slots.
Heneeds to not use the toilet when she is in the bathroom. Common decency.

Always have a contingency plan B. A small wash bag downstairs for emergency ie if DH has a tummy bug and can't make it downstairs.

Your DD needs routine but try to concentrate on the routine rather than fixating on time. As that can cause problems across other areas of her life. Gentle guidance would be better. If she isn't keeping to the routine a gentle reminder 'What do we do next?" or modelling the required behaviour.

I hope you and your husband can talk this through and make life easier for you all. Both of you need to adapt, compromise and communicate.

Good luck

MrsSunshine2b · 20/05/2024 12:56

Teajenny7 · 20/05/2024 12:52

Actually some of us who have Autistic children or are Autistic have commented on the alarms etc. Have a routine but strict adherence to alarms could be causing more harm than good. Psychologically and physically.

What if she wants to empty her bladder etc before getting dressed or before breakfast?
Is this allowed or does she think she needs to hold on for the time or an alarm?

Think it is time you and DH sort out your downstairs toilet. It is not a storage cupboard.

He needs to try and keep to 'your ' time slots.
Heneeds to not use the toilet when she is in the bathroom. Common decency.

Always have a contingency plan B. A small wash bag downstairs for emergency ie if DH has a tummy bug and can't make it downstairs.

Your DD needs routine but try to concentrate on the routine rather than fixating on time. As that can cause problems across other areas of her life. Gentle guidance would be better. If she isn't keeping to the routine a gentle reminder 'What do we do next?" or modelling the required behaviour.

I hope you and your husband can talk this through and make life easier for you all. Both of you need to adapt, compromise and communicate.

Good luck

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It's also clear that this whole approach is being done TO DD rather than WITH DD and really, at 7, she should be having input into what she wants her morning routine looks like.

RedToothBrush · 20/05/2024 12:56

Teajenny7 · 20/05/2024 12:52

Actually some of us who have Autistic children or are Autistic have commented on the alarms etc. Have a routine but strict adherence to alarms could be causing more harm than good. Psychologically and physically.

What if she wants to empty her bladder etc before getting dressed or before breakfast?
Is this allowed or does she think she needs to hold on for the time or an alarm?

Think it is time you and DH sort out your downstairs toilet. It is not a storage cupboard.

He needs to try and keep to 'your ' time slots.
Heneeds to not use the toilet when she is in the bathroom. Common decency.

Always have a contingency plan B. A small wash bag downstairs for emergency ie if DH has a tummy bug and can't make it downstairs.

Your DD needs routine but try to concentrate on the routine rather than fixating on time. As that can cause problems across other areas of her life. Gentle guidance would be better. If she isn't keeping to the routine a gentle reminder 'What do we do next?" or modelling the required behaviour.

I hope you and your husband can talk this through and make life easier for you all. Both of you need to adapt, compromise and communicate.

Good luck

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It's really done my head in on this thread with the number of posters who have ignored autistic people or parents of autistic kids saying this and going down the whole 'you don't understand autism' thing when many aren't autistic or have autistic kids themselves!

Yet another case of the ignorant 'allies know best and better than anyone else' to the exclusion of those who really know anything at all.

It's illiterate do goodery virtue signalling.

Grammarnut · 20/05/2024 19:00

MrsJackThornton · 18/05/2024 16:16

Or you know the DH could compromise by getting his arse out of bed and getting his own daughter ready for school instead of defaulting to sleeping in and letting his wife do it all

that way he could do it as flexibly as he wanted, or as the DD could cope with

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He works full-time. OP works part-time. He is not making a fuss, the OP is. One part of this situation is on a flexible but full-time schedule, the other is on a rigid schedule that admits no compromise. If I were DH I think I'd stay in bed on a wfh day, it's obviously far too stressful to be around OP. Women are not always the one in the right.

MrsJackThornton · 20/05/2024 19:04

Grammarnut · 20/05/2024 19:00

He works full-time. OP works part-time. He is not making a fuss, the OP is. One part of this situation is on a flexible but full-time schedule, the other is on a rigid schedule that admits no compromise. If I were DH I think I'd stay in bed on a wfh day, it's obviously far too stressful to be around OP. Women are not always the one in the right.

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He's barging into the bathroom to shit in front of his daughter rather than wait. I can't think of any behaviour of the OP that justifies that especially when there is another toilet. But by all means blame the woman if you prefer.

But he sounds like the one with rigid behaviours who cannot compromise to me. And having someone barge in on me getting my child ready in the bathroom so they could shit in front of me would be quite stressful

But then you do seem convinced men can do no wrong so you do you

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 20/05/2024 19:54

He works full-time. OP works part-time. He is not making a fuss, the OP is. One part of this situation is on a flexible but full-time schedule, the other is on a rigid schedule that admits no compromise. If I were DH I think I'd stay in bed on a wfh day, it's obviously far too stressful to be around OP. Women are not always the one in the right.

Neither are men who shit in front of their children.

Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

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