Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

@Spelunk

Most of that doesn't require the bathroom though, I'm not doubting she needs the toilet, wash hands, quick face wash from breakfast (proper wash before getting dressed is better) and brush teeth, that's 5 mins, hair brushing and sunscreen etc can be done anywhere

Agree with this. Some men are so predictable. Not sure about addressing how he feels hard done by though. "DH I've noticed you shit in front of your daughter while she's trying to get ready, do you need more sex?" (I know that's not how the conversation would go, but that's the sentiment)

I know it sounds like I'm having a dig at you, I'm not, I'm just weary of some men and their shitty childish ways and how we have to investigate why. My DP can occasionally be a complete arse in similar ways if he isn't feeling I've paid him enough attention and it boils my piss. (He's learning though that it has no outward effect on me anymore 🤣)

Was it a joint decision to set time slots, or something you decided?
Doesn’t everyone have a morning routine? Without time slots how do you make sure the shared facilities you need are available when you need them? If you mean the specific timings it’s dictated by what time DD has to leave. She has 15 minutes for each activity - clothes first for warmth, then food, then clean the food off her teeth, then shoes etc.

I agree, but it appears the OP isn’t budging when she is brushing DD’s hair and the DH urgently needs the toilet.

He walks in and goes to the toilet while your DD is in there? And physically pushes you guys aside to do what he wants? Im sorry but you really have bigger issues here. You are with an incredibly selfish person.

Short term get a lock on the door so your Daughter can use the bathroom in peace, long term, get rid of this selfish man because I would put all the money in my bank on the fact this is not the only place he is selfish. He is telling you that you guys are not important and his needs come first.

Just the walking into a bathroom, pulling down his trousers and going to the toilet whilst a 7 year old is in there for me would be enough to put some boundaries in place. This girl needs to be able to get ready without this happening, get a lock on that bathroom door. Would he stroll in if she were on the toilet? What about in the shower? At what age does he deem her worthy of privacy?

Are many parents really doing a 'proper' wash with their 7 year olds on school mornings? I'm confident that the norm is teeth clean and a quick face wash in the mornings rather than any thorough strip wash or similar...

Yes because all men wake up every morning with #1 goal to piss off their wife and kids by any means necessary.

We do baths/showers the night before so no washing in morning unless hands and faces get sticky with jam from toast or something,

He's very lazy and selfish but realistically will he ever change? I think you may have to either put up with it or bin him off. I find it hilarious some of these posters expecting you to pander to him though.

We don’t have time slots. Two adults and two autistic teenagers here. One bathroom. No en-suite off master…just a family bath. If someone is using bathroom, we just do next thing in routine and circle back. Yes we do have extra toothbrushes and toothpaste in kitchen as a plan b

He can use the other toilet. It’s just not a nice new comfy toilet in a warm bathroom - it’s a stained cold toilet in the back hall by the garage.

And DD can’t wait because she has to leave at a specific time to get to school.

I'm glad someone else mentioned boundaries. I don't think this is selfishness, this is invading at a vulnerable moment. I could be way off the mark, but I do think that most parents have a clearer sense of what's appropriate. It's like he's going out if his way to make her see him using the toilet.

Does he allow dd a proper amount of privacy at other times?

Brushes and hair accessories and sunscreen are in the bathroom cupboard. I’m not packing them up and carrying them to another room because a selfish man can’t be bothered to get up ten minutes earlier.

Didn’t know you had two toilets….why not make the second toilet more usable? No one wants a cold, grim toilet where a spider might crawl up your bum when you sit down.

Ok just saw you have another toilet in the house. He's being selfish and incredibly entitled. I couldn't handle a partner like this who repeatedly demonstrates that his needs are more important than our child's.

So you have two bathrooms, but he insists on using the one DD is in?

Routines etc don't matter here... he's just an arse.

There's another toilet?!?!

Please keep an eye on his boundary-breaking OP. I wish someone had protected me as a child. Again, I could be way off the mark but there's no harm in observing his behaviour towards her.

I’m assuming this is probably one example amongst many others that makes him a crap partner/dad.

Yes but why do they need to be kept in the bathroom? I keep all that in my bedroom…I don’t think that is unusual.

As far as I can see the selfishness is going both ways except the bathroom can only be used for toileting. That one function can’t be moved to another room.

Because eating softens the enamel or something. You're not supposed to brush for about 30 minutes after eating.

Well one could call you selfish for not protecting your dd's teeth from decay as much as possible. Your dh is an adult he can brush his teeth when he wants in his own home. Also presumably you have a kitchen sink , if you choose to ignore dental advice you dd can use that sink.

What decent dad/man will walk into a bathroom that a child or indeed partner is already in to do a dump, when there is another loo available?

Nobody wants to use the freezing cold toilet in the garage. You have to put your shoes on and there’s always a spider. We don’t have money to refurbish it. I get that he doesn’t want to use it - but he could use it in an emergency, and if it’s not an emergency he could wait.

Make the other bathroom your daughter's bathroom. Let her help decorate it, put her stuff in there and that is then her space.
Crap though that the solution is he still gets to do what he wants, but at least you could do her routine without him coming anywhere near either of you.