Lord help me, a child with no manners is around for a sleepover

[Rainallnight]

Good friend of DD is over on a sleepover. Both going on 8. There hasn’t been a single please or thank you from the friend. I am probably being unreasonable (hence not posting in AIBU!) but I find it very grating and it’s going to get on my nerves all the through.

Just needed to get that off my chest!

I always remind kids (friends of DC) to say please and thank you when they don’t. A smiling reminder: “what do you say….?”

I had one of my children’s friends for a sleepover and they gave me a list of foods they wanted and at the bottom is said ‘no own brands’
So rude. Nothing wrong with own brands in my opinion!

Don't pass over or do what is expected until they say please. Correct them and say thank you after.

I have no issue doing this and generally the child knows anyway after you do it a couple of times.

‘In this house, we say please/thank you’, etc.
You’ll be doing the child a favor.

Yes don't hold back OP. It's your house.

It’s been on the tip of my tongue to correct her but I thought it would make her feel bad. But you’re right, I shouldn’t hold back!

DD has actually intervened once and reminded her to say please 😬

Be firm and set your expectations at the outset and stay consistent. Kids like to know where they stand and you’ll generally find they still respect you years later. (Mum of teens.)

What's the magic word?

Abracadabra.

@Rainallnight I feel for you and agree you should insist on your rules in your house. I gave an ill-mannered friend of DD a lift home when they were seven. The mother asked me how she had behaved and I replied that she had been 'rather rude'. (She'd been very rude.) The mother pulled her child into the house and slammed the door in my face without commenting on the rudeness. My DD witnessed this. During the conversation that followed with my DD, I said 'Now you know why X has no manners'. So think about what you would say if the parent asks you about behaviour. Forewarned is forearmed!

What did you say?

I just used to suck it up. If they’re not used to saying please and thank you, then it wouldn’t occur to them to do it at your house.

Growing up (child of immigrants) I was never taught to say please and thank you.

is the child’s tone polite enough?

Some people did correct me and it was usually without judgement. I still forget now tbh.

Did you criticise the woman’s child in front of your own child? Maybe she didn’t like that.

Always correct her

I work in a men's prison and correct each and every one of them! Not acceptable behaviour!

My children always say please and thank you at home and seem to drop it for every other adult (grandparents, family friends, etc). I'd be very pleased if you reminded them.

She probably felt really embarrassed and defensive @IdaGlossop . I don’t think it was wrong to say something but I do think that particular approach was wrong.

Personally I don’t like ‘in this house.’ It sounds horrible to me and alienating to guests. I think just a gentle prompt of ‘please’ is fine.

I agree with PP, tone is important. If I thought a child was rude I'd say something but if it's a shy child struggling to say an extra word I'd be more lenient.

To the pp that was given a list that included no unbranded items - that guest would have their invitation revoked.

I was a child of an immigrant whose language does not include please.

She was obsessed with teaching please and thank you so I would fit in.

@Easipeelerie interesting. Yes, I did, and perhaps she didn't. The other mother's daughter was standing next to me too, and I said: 'X has been rather rude, haven't you, X?'.

The other mother and I were perhaps destined not to get on. Our first conversation took place in the infant yard when she gave me a very detailed account of the sexual shenanigans of her soon-to-be ex DH. Far, far TMI.

Thoughts and prayers .. so happy my kids are adults now ..sleepovers are grim

Which language doesn’t have the word please?

Please and thank you are not routinely used in Ukraine, according to my Ukrainian guest. The language used is much more direct than English people tend to be.

Yes other languages are more direct.

As an EA/PA I've been known to say "and what's the magic word". Bad manners from adults does not sit well especially from arrogant not so senior staff.

PS a few good manners go a long way and learning starts at home!

Sometimes they’re excited and forget- I wouldn’t assume behaviour in a friend’s house to be how they’ve been brought up. (I do just say ‘you’re welcome’ and then they say ‘oh thanks’- it’s not as in your face as making them say it!!)