Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

No we did not. However we did get ds to have a clear out, redecorated and it can be now used as a lovely guest room. It will always be his room.

The eldest isn’t being ‘pushed out’. They have chosen to move out!
We had a swap round once DD1 went to Uni. She was more than happy as she got to design a freshly decorated bedroom to come home to. She didn’t need as much ‘stuff’ - no toys 😂 so didn't need so much room.

Yes. Eldest sibling suggested it

I haven't had this and I am in 2 minds.

I can see the eldest feeling pushed out, especially if they are coming home for full holidays etc and not staying up at uni or travelling in the summer.

On the other hand having the best child's room empty for 30+ weeks a year is a bit unfair, especially as the eldest has had the best room for years already, probably.

On balance I'd give it until the first Christmas/Easter to ensure they are happy and not dropping out, and then reallocate rooms. I wouldn't necessarily give it to next oldest though, dependent on age gaps and quality of other rooms.

Yes, we’ve done 2 swaps now. Youngest thrilled as they have ended up with ‘nicest’ room until we downsize!

Not until after the first Xmas, then we swapped.

no never it didnt work like that, the eldest was home the longest, did not go to university

Yes we did.

It was youngest's turn to have a good sized bedroom.

We have re-jigged bedrooms a few times to reflect changing needs.

Yes but not straightaway as wanted to make sure she was happy and settled.
After 6 months I put the middle child who had just turned 13 into the largest room.
Eldest Dd had the ‘new room’ decorated and a new double bed etc so was happy.
DS stayed in the smallest room and will remain there for now.

Yes and the one who moved rooms had sorted it all out before the oldest had even got to the nearest motorway junction!

Eldest was not hugely impressed initially but had a much better room and turned down my other suggestion which was to keep the room but let the younger sibling use the desk for homework.

It really depends on your set up. My parents didn't as my brother and I are only a year apart, and he did a year in industry at home, so it didn't make sense as I was going soon, and he was coming back. DH's parents did, as his room was by far the best, and his brothers still had a good few years at home.

We will eventually, but not yet. We have DD (20), DS1 (18) and DS2 (10). DS1 has the biggest room, purely because of decor when we moved. DS2 will move to DD's room when he starts secondary school and needs a desk. At the moment he's fine because he has a play room for his toys that the others obviously no longer use.

He won't move to DS1's room for a very long time, if ever, as DS1 has ASD, so would find changing rooms very difficult.

I think in your case I would wait until after Christmas, to ensure your eldest has settled, and then swap.

This happened to me when I went to university. Wasn’t bothered at all, my parents decorated the little bedroom for me which was sweet. But yes, would have felt unfair on my sibling who lived at home and didn’t go to university to be expected to stay in the little room with a larger room sat empty most of the yr. I did know I wasn’t going to be moving back home after my course though and also had shorter holidays compared to traditional courses.

I wouldn’t be too quick to swap in case the eldest changes their plans and wants to come back. Unless you are planning to not really welcoming them back and would prefer they lived elsewhere regardless.

We said when we allocated the rooms in the first place (eldest was 12, youngest 8) that we’d likely swap the two of them when/if eldest goes away to uni. I am happy to do some redecorating so that post swap each feels like the new room is their own.

No and the eldest is in year 2 currently, which is nearly over so will be home until end September from this weekend. They have so much holiday they are home all the time. It didn’t feel right to change rooms and make them feel unwelcome.

Only after a year.11

I wouldn't because I want my eldest to feel secure about coming home to her sanctuary. She chose the furniture and decor herself and this is her personal space. She is likely only to be at home during the holidays, but for at least 12 weeks a year she will be back home with us. She's going to uni, not moving out.

I admit I hope that all the kids will be at home lots in uni holidays and may live here after graduation as we are in London and it’s quite common for kids to live at home while finding their feet in London as it’s too expensive to rent.

I do see how the next oldest is cross. They will have three years left at school when the oldest goes to uni so they could have a good spell in the bigger room.

Ugh, it’s a hard one! I want them all to feel at home for a long time!

We compromised. Younger sibling got full use of older siblings larger room during term time and went back to their own in the holidays. I also didn't want the older one to feel pushed out but felt it was unfair for the youngest to be restricted to a much smaller bedroom while hers went empty and unused for weeks on end.

No, they still need the security of home

This is also a possibility. Not all eldest children want to go to university!🤷‍♀️

We won’t be. I want the eldest to know this is still her home, and not feel pushed out in any way.

I have this dilemma. I have four years between mine.

The smaller room is still an ok size - fits a small double but not a huge amount of floor space.

I think my oldest would feel a bit pushed out if I swooped rooms over the moment she went and the reality is there is are quite long holidays at uni so she will be home a fair bit.

We won't- they each have a comparable room. However DH has suggested a couple of times we turn the two large attic bedrooms into a bedroom with an attached ensuite and study/den which he clearly envisions DS1 using (for some reason, probably because he had something similar when he was a teenager) so it could be the case.

DH’s parents did this - they swapped his room with their DC3’s room (5 years younger) as she had a tiny box room and would be at home the longest. Their DC2 stayed in his (middle sized room). DH was completely fine with it.

I shared with my sister so no swapping possible!

My kids are tiny but I think I would do this - not fair on the younger ones never to get the good room, especially when mostly not being used.