Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

They can still have a room but id give the next oldest that room after all the oldest will be at uni the majority of the year so it's sat doing nothing

My parents were fortunate to move into a 4 bed house a month before I went to uni. Since I was going to be away 6 months of the year, I shared with my younger sister and my twin sister and youngest sister got their own rooms. I subsequently moved out pretty much as soon as I graduated anyway. It’s not ideal but not really fair to those being there full time to be disadvantaged over someone there 50% of the time.

Again, nobody is suggesting that when oldest dc comes home they have to bed down in the kitchen 🙄
Just that they get their "privacy" and "bliss" in a slightly smaller "haven."

They’ll still have a room, and privacy. Just a smaller room. The one that has supposedly been adequate to house their sibling for years.

Gosh.

Yes, definitely! Our house has resembled a giant game of Tetris! Younger ones keenly feel a sense of fair dos and their "turn". That bedroom sounds like quite the jewel, I bet they are mentally totting up how many years they will each get in it. Surely the eldest will have an adequate room to come home to, but to have the best room reserved while you are also providing, I imagine, resources towards their ongoing uni existence seems overly generous. First World problems tho, and "outraged" may have to like it or lump it according to your wishes because like me, you are in charge 😉.

First we redecorated, then when it became clear she wasn't moving back we reallocated but we put the youngest in there because she'd get the most time out of it. The middle child got the youngest's old room and then redecorated the box room as a study.

Of course you need to adjust the use of the rooms accordingly.
Instead of thinking like mum you need to think like younger sibling and what it would say to you if this swanky bedroom sat empty waiting for your older brother to perhaps come home at holidays if at all.
If a swap is on the table then your eldest has no really argument. They will still have a room. Just not their own private suite. I don't even agree that you should wait til Xmas. I think you make the decision, you say you had your time in the nice room. Time to give up the throne and when middle child is off to uni. The same applies. I think better to just say how it is and not worry about it.
Your kids aren't suffering some trauma. Its a bedroom they are lucky to be able to squabble about.

As a youngest child, we always end up with the smallest room. Why should the eldest get to keep the best room forever just in case they might come home? I agree with those who say let them settle into uni first then do a swap after Christmas or Easter depending on how it's going. Oldest doesn't mean they should always get the best of everything, it's unfair to other siblings.

Why should the eldest get to keep the best room forever just in case they might come home?

I think quite a few posters genuinely believe that oldest children just are more important.

The OP says it too - doesn't want the eldest to feel less important

Nope

My DPs did this when I moved out for uni and even at the time I fully understand it was fair and right to do. Even if I was wistful at losing my lovely massive bedroom for the smallest bedroom in the house hah. I spent most of each uni holiday period back in that bedroom with DH so it was a bit of a squeeze when we were there haha.

My old bedroom went to the next oldest sibling who was my DB who as I say before had actually been in the smallest bedroom. He still lives there in it now, over a decade later.

My oldest had the smallest room anyway. Had that not been the case I would have tried to swap them a year or so before oldest left for uni. Oldest DC would have then had time to adjust and make it their own space. In our family the biggest room always went to DC aged 3-10ish because they spend a lot of time playing at home with toys that take up space. After that they tended to need less room.

As an eldest child who as I've said, had my bedroom immediately swapped with a younger siblings when I moved out for uni, I totally agree with this.

Next eldest should get it.

we are about to reach that stage but thankfully my children have similar sized rooms.

I wouldn't reallocate until they actually moved out. They re at uni - home for hols and occasional weekends ? They might want to come home after graduation to get themselves launched on life. Only after that would I (and in fact I did) reallocate

Totally agree with this. Until they moved out and started a job after uni their room remained theirs. Tough for the next youngest - its how it was.

My sister moved her belongings into my bedroom as we were packing the car ready for me to leave. I had the smallest room when I was home for the holidays. It never occurred to me to be bothered - why should I have kept the biggest room when I wasn't going to be there? I never had any intention of moving back home after my degree, so in my mind I was starting the process of moving out.

When I went to uni my room went to my younger sibling and I got moved to a box room. I couldn’t have cared less. It wouldn’t have been fair for a bigger room to sit empty when I was living away from home the majority of the time. I never felt that I was being pushed out, and still loved coming home.

“Tough for the youngest that’s how it is”. My god! I am an eldest child but that I super mean!

In our case that would mean our super sociable dd2 who frequently has pals over to stay spends her last 3 years living at home in her perfectly nice double whilst dd1 s large attic room with sofa bed and en suite remains dormant awaiting the time she deigns to come back from university? That’s not happening no.

I never felt that I was being pushed out, and still loved coming home.

I think though that would depend on your personality and any history. If you already were insecure about leaving, or homesick, then you might have felt very differently.
And I think (from the position of a middle child) some eldest will feel already that they're being separated from the family as the first one to go. It is different when you're not the first to go because you're not the only one not there when things are happening.

I remember towards the end of my second term, one of the lads thought he'd play a trick on one of our friends, and put a note through his door saying "Your Mum phoned and says she's rented your room out, could you pick up a tent to sleep in for the holidays."
This was all very funny until we discovered he'd got the note and just gone straight to get on a train (over 200 miles away) to beg her not to.
We hadn't realised until that moment how homesick and feeling left out from his family he had been feeling. Yes, there were lots of apologies made and a year later I think he could see the funny side just about, but he always came across as a very independent confident young man, and we'd never have foreseen his reaction.

Ha! Both my DH's parents and my parents (not the same people) moved house and neither of us had rooms in their new homes! DH shared bunk beds with his younger bro until we got a house when i graduated. I spent a summer in USA and a summer working and living in a pub so would have been ridiculous to save me a room.

Both my DH's parents and my parents (not the same people) I'm glad you clarified that

I swapped DD1 and DD3 in second year of uni
Dd3 was only 6/7 so needed space for toys etc.

I rented room out. DD had to go into smaller room on her return. She wasn't impressed but DS wasn't bothered when it happeneed to him. Explained coat of living crisis to her. Mortgage had gone up by 500 quid. Then she understood