Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

My kids didn't go to university (apprenticeships) but my sister kept my neices room the same - which her and her bf came home to. My nephew was never bothered about not having the best room. My neice came home all holidays.
My neices bf (now husband) couldn't go home from university as both his mum and dad (divorced) sold up and downsized when he went to uni. So no bedroom for him. I thought that was a bit brutal! Luckily my sister took them both in whilst they saved for a deposit.

It would be a family discussion based on everyone’s needs.
I personally wouldn’t want eldest to feel pushed out. So, I wouldn’t just automatically change rooms about. But, I might move them to the smallest room as they’re not actually living in it

It would seem to be fair for the rooms to be 'rotated' if the room at the top is obviously superior.
Tough shit for the eldest, he's probably had 3 years in that room. So next kid now gets 3 years in it, or two years - whatever.

Just watch that you are not favouring the eldest because you missed them when they were at college so your separation anxiety is clouding your judgement. Especially if he's a male child you are pandering to, in order to not have him 'cross' with you.

Don't let another child suffer because they happen to have a more temperature and willing nature than the kid who turns victim on you to get their way.

My mum did, 1 week after going to uni she turned uk again with a car full of stuff I had left behind thinking I’d still have my own space at ‘home’ and she told me it was now my brothers room and I could have the fold out when I came home. I found a flat I could live in on the moment my halls finished and 20+ years later have only ever slept the odd night since moving out despite moving 150miles away.

No we didn't as our daughter came back during the holidays till she got a job, which meant a move away from home.

Nope. Dd is in first year of uni. Ds is 16. Dd's bedroom is way bigger, but ds doesn't like it or want it! He's a bit of a minimalist, and doesn't need the space or like the high sleeper or the sparkly purple feature wall

Yes. DC decided amongst themselves. Saw it as a 6th form right of passage to be on a different floor. Plan was to swap back once DS1 returned, but because DS2 dances and needs floor space and it was Covid DS1 chose not to swap back. Now whilst DS2 is at uni DS1 uses the room to work from home in during term time. Both know this is always their home.

I did, and with ds1’s blessing. He came home to what is now the spare room for the summer of year one, and after that got a year round rental. (He’s at uni relatively close by though, so I still get to see him fairly often.)

If we end up in a house where one kids room is obviously better than the others, I’ll be swapping them regularly (assuming both actually wanted the better room). I think it’s very unfair that one child gets a much better room just because they’re older and it’s even worse if they’re not using it for 65% of the year

I haven't read the whole thread yet, however I don't agree with people saying that it's not fair for the oldest one to feel ' pushed out'! Is it fair for younger ones to always feel second best? I hate all this inequality for younger siblings.

I think if other siblings were sharing I’d swap and move one into the empty room so that when oldest came back they could share , but if everyone has a room already I’d leave as is

My parents didn't because it was my room I came back to in hols and to visit. My sister had the small box room but was happy to stay there. When u moved out properly after uni then rooms were swapped. X

I was the eldest sibling and I suggested it when I went to uni. There was a downstairs room being used as a bedroom so I suggested the occupants move upstairs to my room and a sofabed was put in the room downstairs so it could be used by the rest of the family as a living room when I was away. My family is quite big and I only came home around once a term and during holidays so it made sense for the rest of the family to use the space rather than it lying empty for large chunks of time.

They have though. Some never come back. And for most of the year the room is empty. So younger dc should get it if it’s better than theirs.

I don't know what you mean by 'they have though' unless you have changed names.

Nor do I understand why you are telling me that some never come back or that younger dc should get the bigger room as I have not said otherwise and was responding to a specific post.

No. I've left dd's room as her room. They have long "holidays" where they are back home and it's an important transition to independence, not an ejector seat!

When my eldest goes to uni his sister (who will be 5 by then) will have his room because she is currently in with us. We will put a sofa bed in the downstairs study for when he comes over. He totally understands why we're doing this, love him. His 14 yo brother will keep in the same room as he is now.

Yes but they arranged themselves each time one went.

I have a similar quandary but in reverse. DD1 has the smaller room, DD2 has the larger one.

DD1 has been away at uni for 2 years, and has come home for large chunks of time when off uni. Christmas, Easter, long summer etc. However she will be moving back home shortly and has a years placement starting in September so will be at home for approximately 15 months inc this summer. Once she's finished her placement year she is planning on moving back out to complete her final uni year in sept 25.

At the same time DD1 is starting her 4th year DD2 will be starting uni. She is intending to do a health related degree so will have significantly shorter holidays as she'll be on placement, I think she'll get about 7 weeks off spread over the year.

This means she'll be taking a year long accommodation contract and come the summer of 2026 DD1 could be possibly moving back in and her sister still living away.

It doesn't seem fair to me that DD1 will come home to a tiny bedroom when the big one will be sitting empty and possibly for most of the year bar a few weeks DD2 might decide to come home.

We've broached the subject of swapping "at some point in the future" and DD2 got really upset. She's still only 17 so I'm hoping by the time we are considering this in two years from now she'll be a bit more understanding, settled at uni/new city and appreciated the reasons why.

I only went to work away for 9 months & my sister had me moved out of my bedroom the day I left 🤣
I didn't mind taking the smaller room when I came back though as I was working full time shifts and only used the room for sleeping and changing really.

Traditional uni courses are usually about 30 weeks of term time, some reading weeks only. I don't know what your DC will be studying but it's possible their siblings do not understand how different uni is from school. Students have to move out of their rented accommodation at the end of every academic year, depending what living arrangement they make. They do accumulate stuff so need somewhere to keep things when between rentals, let alone somewhere to feel secure, welcome etc. As the others have decent bedrooms already I woukdn't give in to this demand too soon while your uni DC finds their feet. It may be worth explaining how academic terms work st uni to the younger ones, potentially 22 weeks vacation time, unless it's more of a vocational course, professional training, e. g. medicine, nursing.
These weeks are vacation weeks, not holidays, students vacate the university, study, earn money etc.
Some students suffer extreme homesickness, separation anxiety, some take to their new life like ducks to water... very difficult to predict.
So caution would be my advice.
I work at a university

DD has said when she goes to university to give her room which is huge and best room in the house to her younger brother as she said he will need it more than her. We are considering that but will see as she will still be here a lot of the year.

Definitely move the next one up. It’s reality. He/she will be moved out for the next one too. Don’t keep the best for the son who has gone. Don’t try and keep him. Let him go with least guilt. Separation is essential so do your best. I’m not saying it is not painful. You are fostering resentments and guilt all round.

But that's still the majority of the year the room and en suite are unused and it assumes the eldest will come back for every single university holiday which I don't think is the norm.

Yes. I think it's only fair.

2 big bedrooms, 1 small. One of the big bedrooms had the airing cupboard in it so people traipsed in and out each morning to get towels so not much privacy.

Rooms regularly rotated according to need during childhood / teen years.

At various points we all had each room. When you bought your own home my parents made you move all your stuff out (one small storage box with PJs, toiletries and a heavier coat was permitted)

At the time it was a bit of a pain when friends still had entire teenaged bedrooms, and half a loft full of stuff but it did make cleaning the house much easier. One of my friends is currently clearing her parents house and has found all of her GCSE revision notes. We are 40+.

They also redecorated the rooms into adult guest rooms. My Mum made a stab at one becoming a sewing room but wasn't well enough really to make it happen/ do much sewing. Initially these were neutral with no owner but after my Mum died my Dad bought my sister and I (my brother never stayed over as lived locally) our preferred bedding options e.g feather vs synthetic pillows etc so the rooms became "owned" again.

I got the room with the bloody airing cupboard. My sister was always the golden child!

My parents always kept mine, when my brother moved out I wasn’t allowed his room for 2 years in case he came back. my partners parents didn’t however they moved his brother in straight away.

My partner is 6ft5 and was then given the small box room that couldn’t even fit a full size bed in to return to, because of this he never returned. The one holiday he tried to go home he ended up on the sofa one night and that was it he came over to my parents with me. After uni he ended up moving in with me at my parents, his parents were fuming he didn’t go home but they wouldn’t give him his room back even though they wanted rent from him, he couldn’t fit in the box room and his brother could because he’s always been much shorter.

He always felt pushed out, they never spoke to him about it, he just came home to find it done and was annoyed his parents had gone through all of his stuff. I think if you speak to them it might be okay but if you want them home for the holidays I’d keep as is, I always loved returning home for uni holidays to my bedroom exactly how it was, it was always a massive comfort. I doubt it would have felt like home otherwise. I’ve never seen uni as moving out fully though, I always saw it as where I went to study then came home for the holidays.