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Original poster

Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

237 replies

CrikeyDozes · 30/04/2024 06:43

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

OP posts:
Cadela · 30/04/2024 07:07

I’m 35 and still have my bedroom at my parents 😂 However they switched my brother and sister around as he was 10 when she went to uni so made sense he got the bigger bedroom.

We’ve all moved out but all still have our rooms, they’re just decorated nicely so that also guest rooms.

OneThreadOnly · 30/04/2024 07:09

We haven’t because there is not a huge difference in the available rooms although the youngest does want to swap.

in your situation I would swap as the room seems like a real upgrade and it doesn’t makes sense to have it sitting empty. I would talk to eldest and let them know the plans but don’t carry it out until the end of summer when they are going, they have one last summer in the room then and can pack for themselves.

Momstermunch · 30/04/2024 07:11

Vettrianofan · 30/04/2024 07:05

This is also a possibility. Not all eldest children want to go to university!🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Well clearly but then it's not really relevant to the op's question which is specifically about older kids going to uni is it?!

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Families
OpusGiemuJavlo · 30/04/2024 07:12

I think it's ok to reallocate if one of those still at home has a significantly worse bedroom. But in this case I would instead be reassigning that room as "the guest bedroom" which eldest still stays in in holidays but doesn't get to keep too much teenage crap in, have it set up with more neutral hotel-quality decor and get in the habit of inviting friends and fanily who don't live close by to come and atay during uni term time.

TTPD · 30/04/2024 07:14

does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

Provided they still have a room, I think anyone who feels like that needs to grow up a bit. My younger sister moved into my room when I left for uni - I wouldn't ever have insisted that a bigger room sit empty for months of the year.

In your case I'd definitely reallocate. Having an en suite empty while the other children share a main bathroom is ridiculous.

rainydaysaway · 30/04/2024 07:15

We are going to (in October) but we have only lives here for 3 years and the eldest has known since then that this is the plan - she has an en-suite so that is why the youngest wants the room. Arguably the youngest’s room is nicer so the eldest will still have a lovely room to come back to.

By the time the eldest finishes and wants to live at home again the youngest will be off to uni so they can swap back.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 30/04/2024 07:16

@GU24Mum our house was like this - DS2 had stripped the wallpaper off his brother's bedroom wall before we'd got home from dropping him off!

spriots · 30/04/2024 07:19

Our kids have similar size bedrooms so we won't bother.

But if there was this much difference between the eldest's room, I 100% would. Seems very unfair on the younger ones.

But in general I don't agree with the prevailing Mumsnet view that the eldest should always have the best room - in a situation where one room was a lot nicer than the others, I would probably have rotated the kids rooms every couple of years anyway.

I also don't agree with the prevailing Mumsnet view that adult children should get the best room because they are an adult, I think because they are an adult, they have choices about where they live and it should be the dependent children who get the nicer room.

yomellamoHelly · 30/04/2024 07:24

Yes, but we only one other to consider. Should also add the room needed a complete renovation anyway (damp) so we had to completely empty it for that which was a push in that direction. Youngest was delighted to get a bit of privacy.

Means eldest has one box of bits here and everything else is with him at uni. Quite like the clean slate. (Both dh and I had mountains of stuff left at parents' houses to deal with a decade or so later.)

FeatheryStroker · 30/04/2024 07:26

admit I hope that all the kids will be at home lots in uni holidays

I dropped my daughter off on April 20th and she finishes on...May 9th.

She's in her second year so it's not that and she is doing a perfectly ordinary degree (History) at a proper RG university. May 9th!!!!!

User56785 · 30/04/2024 07:27

This is also a possibility. Not all eldest children want to go to university!🤷‍♀️

😂😂😂

WindyRainySunny · 30/04/2024 07:28

I was the oldest child with a room double the size, and I was more than happy to give it up for my younger brother when I went away to uni. It would have been hugely unfair and wasteful to have a bigger room just sat empty while my brother was building up to taking his GCSEs.
Although in this case the smaller room was a tiny box room, and we lived in boring suburbia so I didn't have much reason to want to spend long at home.
I think you need to discuss this early and explain it is fair that the best room is handed over to the next oldest DC. It's a good life lesson. Your younger DC will resent you if you don't insist on it.

MetalFences · 30/04/2024 07:29

This is also a possibility. Not all eldest children want to go to university!🤷‍♀️

Also, some people don't have children.

Hakeje · 30/04/2024 07:29

Absolutely not. The transition to unI is actually really difficult for many many kids and they need the security and familiarity to come back to, for the sake of their MH and belonging.

Your second eldest is old enough to have this explained.

Codlingmoths · 30/04/2024 07:30

Yes of course! Even if the eldest does come back, they have presumably had the best room for some time. They don’t just get to keep that and the others accept less. I’d hope to have brought my kids up with a better understanding of fair than to get outraged at this. When I moved out my sister was moving in before I’d left, and I can’t blame her.

i think a good system is whichever child/children have final year exams so are doing their A and O levels get the best room: that ensures everyone gets to feel prioritised in their turn.

Codlingmoths · 30/04/2024 07:32

So many people in this thread treating their eldest as special and younger children getting the leftovers.

spriots · 30/04/2024 07:32

I notice the careful use of gender neutral pronouns in the OP, I guess the oldest is a girl and the younger ones are boys. I have noticed that posters often seem to think girls deserve nicer rooms and en suites over sons

CadyEastman · 30/04/2024 07:33

Yes we did. Eldest's bedroom was far larger and DC2 won't be going to Uni so could potentially still be with us for many years. DC1 is loving Uni and has said a few times that they would like to move abroad after Uni.

Don't think they're overly pleased with the new arrangement but it simply wasn't fair leaving the biggest bedroom empty for most of the year.

savoycabbage · 30/04/2024 07:33

Hakeje · 30/04/2024 07:29

Absolutely not. The transition to unI is actually really difficult for many many kids and they need the security and familiarity to come back to, for the sake of their MH and belonging.

Your second eldest is old enough to have this explained.

Not for all of them though. I was happy and secure when I went to university and so was my daughter. She is having a wonderful time. Not all young adults need the security of the same bedroom at their parents home.

TheTerribleMaster · 30/04/2024 07:36

Eldest did a gap year which he moved out of home for, youngest was in his room before his light bulbs were cold 😂

ThePoshUns · 30/04/2024 07:36

I was planning on it but eldest stayed at home through uni whilst youngest went away. When eldest moves out youngest will definitely get the room if he's still here.

Tumbleweed101 · 30/04/2024 07:37

All our bedrooms are tiny because I split the biggest one into two. The youngest had a really tiny room though literally just a bed and bedside table will fit in it. I would swap mine around simply because it would massively improve the quality of life for my youngest but I wouldn't if it made little difference in space.

itsgettingweird · 30/04/2024 07:38

I went to work abroad.

I had the biggest room for children as the eldest. My brother had the smallest not quite box.

I was surprised my family didn't rearrange for about 18 months after I went away. I expected it after the first 6 when it was clear I wasn't coming home except between seasons for a few weeks at a time.

If I'd have gone to uni and it was known I'd be away for long periods I think they would have done it quicker and would have been more surprised they didn't!

I guess it's going to depend on how your kids have been raised to see the bedrooms.

In my family it was always clear eldest who lives at home gets the biggest. So I expected not to when I didn't live there FT!

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 30/04/2024 07:39

We have 3 double bedrooms and 1 single room. The eldest had the biggest, we had second as it has an en suite, middle child had smallest double and youngest had the single.

I didn't change anything when they went to uni as with holidays and some weekends they were home around 6 months of the year.

My eldest did move out after uni so I did the bedroom switch then. The second eldest got the biggest room. And the youngest got the other double.
But we still made the single bedroom into a room for the eldest. Which was lucky Because two years later she moved back. I have refused to change things again as she is saving for a house deposit and planning to move in the year. Plus she spends 4-5 nights at her boyfriends.

Chocolatebrownieyum · 30/04/2024 07:40

We are contemplating this now. DD going to uni Sept 2025, has the biggest room with double bed. Dd2 is happy with room nearly as big though has single bed. Ds(13) has always had the box room and is keen to move into Dd1s room and I think it's only fair. But I do want DD1 to feel she can come home so will need to make big efforts to make the little room nice for her. Unfortunately there won't be space for her double bed though but hopefully she'll get used to a single at uni.

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