Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

My younger brother took over my childhood bedroom the moment I set foot out the door to head for University. I didn't begrudge it, but the house never felt like my home again, and after the first couple of holidays I only visited as a guest, for short periods. I don't know if it was an influence, but I didn't go back after University, whereas my brother did for several years.

I did because dd had her own room and two younger ds shared. It didn't feel right making them share whilst a room sat there empty most of the year.
However, after year 1 dd moved to a closer uni and is home far more than she is at her uni accommodation, and is now considering moving home full time for year 3 so having to make her younger siblings share again (or think of imaginative ways to split a bedroom into two). Live and learn

We didn't.
I kept my bedroom (the nicest in the house) when I went to university. It was never suggested I shouldn't and I would have been outraged if anyone had suggested I give it up. I was home for holidays almost 6 months of the year and by the time I graduated and moved to London, my DB was also at university. My mother still lives in the house and it is still called my room and is usually where I stay (unless there are guests with specific needs).
So it never occurred to me to reallocate rooms when my oldest DC went to university. If any of them had ever suggested it, I would have considered it seriously but no one ever did. Maybe the fact that my bedroom at their grandparents is still called my room made them think it was normal not to swap rooms around.
My DB still likes to have a mock moan - or perhaps a real moan - about having had a smaller room but I just remind him that he broke the roof on my doll's house and was sick on my teddy bear, so we both had our childhood crosses to bear.

Yup I did, in the summer before the oldest went away. Because there is a significant difference in room sizes and there is 9 years between them. So ds needed space for toys and his gaming chair, whereas dd just needed storage space and her bed. Plus I think that having the best room empty for over half the year is silly.

Dd has since left uni and is back at home until September but even so, I don't regret it. At 18 they are old enough to understand that they don't always get the best of everything and I run my home to suit everyone's needs the best.

Eldest is an adult and moving out to uni. Feeling a little pushed out is a good thing. You WANT them to want to find their own place after uni. Not just come back to being a child in their same old room forever.

The smallest bedroom becomes theirs so they always have a place to come back to but they're not the most important and they have their own place now, they shouldn't also have the best room in your family house.

My sister’s room stayed hers and I stayed in mine but we both had big rooms with small en-suites (just toilets and sinks). If I’d been in a tiny room, maybe we would have swapped. 🤷‍♀️

My children are too young but I would very much decide based on room sizes and age gaps.

Yes, eldest volunteered to take the smallest room.

Eldest is an adult and moving out to uni. Feeling a little pushed out is a good thing. You WANT them to want to find their own place after uni. Not just come back to being a child in their same old room forever

I think this is really sad. There's a wide margin between returning during and after Uni and 'being a child in their old room forever'.

I've got no strong desire to get any of my dc out the door permanently at age 21 on the dot. If they WANT to, fine. But if they'd rather live at home whilst they find their feet in their career, enjoy a few years of being able to save etc then that's great too.

And it's an opportunity all of of our dc will have, for as long as they want or need it.

You could just leave most of her stuff in the larger room and keep him in his room, but let him use hers as well, in a way that doesn’t impact her. What is it that he wants? large bed? He could sleep in it and just change the sheets if she comes back?

Similarly, I was on the sofa from my first university vac, any remaining belongings in the attic — lots of younger siblings needing the room. I never went home after university, either, but I think that’s a good thing.

Does the ages of your DC mean that the younger ones are likely to never get the big room + ensuite?

If so, I find that quite sad. It smacks of 1st DC gets treated better, even when they don't live at home.

Our house is such that the kids have similar sized rooms, so I doubt there will be a swap, however I certainly wouldn't leave a bathroom unused for most of the year whilst the family all take turns in sharing the main one, that seems crazy.

I made eldest and youngest swap rooms as soon as school finished (planned for June but turned out to be April as it was 2020). I'd warned them that this would happen, about once a year for the previous 5 years. We redecorated the smallest room that dd was moving into, made it her space. She's still got her own room, it's just not the biggest room.

When middle child went to uni he got to keep his room though, because there isn't anyone in a smaller room who is home more than him. Finally, an advantage to being the middle child!

DD is off to uni in September. She has the smallest room by choice (at the back, cosy, morning sun) so no. But I can't wait to turn her room into a "library" once she really properly leaves 🙊

I got my brother's room when he went to university. It was a tiny box room but I shared with my sister so I was delighted to finally have my own space. I was in there the minute the car left the drive. My brother didn't care but my sister was outraged at my lack of feeling!

I think it's fine to rejig bedrooms. Maybe think about moving everyone around if that helps stop anyone feel pushed out? And moving people around but all still having a room is surely not an issue?

No. Eldest daughter is 26, and an independent young women. However life happens, and she is having to move out of her rental, so probably will have a few months with us until she can buy her own home. She also moved back during lockdown. Not sure we'll ever get either grips rooms back tbh!

Honestly? I'd take the biggest room for myself and my kids can choose between the rest!

It depends on the child. DD is itching to go, she's ready to spread her wings. She'll always be welcome back, but there's nothing in this town for her. I wouldn't like to think that either of my children stuck around really, there are far more opportunities elsewhere. (DD actually talks about building me a retirement annexe with her, when she's rich and famous 😂)

My brother used mine in term time but we were kicked out every holiday then so I was home 5 months a year. I wouldn't for the first year but if they go into private accommodation and don't come home as much then do it

My parents did, on the assumption that they would only be home for holidays then would move on after graduation.

As it happened I got married and moved out before they finished uni.

Why would you leave the big bedroom empty for 9 months of the year??

I agree with this.

I want my children to feel welcome in my home when they are adults but equally there is something about making it feel like a transition because it ought to be.

On a separate note - I am surprised by the assumption that university students will be home for all the holidays. I wasn't - I travelled, went to stay with friends, got short term jobs/internships places.

If you think the eldest may feel ‘pushed out’ because she no longer has the best room, imagine how the other siblings would feel at never being allowed the best room.
I’m not one for the eldest automatically getting the best room anyway, it feels like a ‘reward’ for being born first. Rooms are allocated according to need. Our youngest has ASD and one of us often ends up in bed with him, so he has the room that fits the double bed, for example.
I wouldn’t leave the ‘prime’ room empty for over half the year.

Yes, my parents did that. Kept my brother's big bedroom for him for three years at university while I was crammed into a tiny bedroom. Look on the bright side, it will probably contribute to your younger kids leaving home as soon as possible so they can have some space for themselves.

If no-one's sharing, I can see why you wouldn't (if the expectation hasn't been made, and the eldest plans to come home)

In my case, my bed wasn't even cold before my sister moved in, and if I came home in the holidays I slept on the settee (TBH I always found somewhere else to stay in the holidays so it was only ever for a couple of nights) But she'd been sharing with my other sister, so this was the only chance to get a room of her own.

I think this actually. I have teens 18/16. Ds is older and has no interest in having en-suite. Dd is younger and lives in her tiny en-suite. Ds basically has soap, shampoo, razor, toothpaste. Dd seems to have purchased the entire Body Shop, has long hair to faff with (ds’s is clippered so no need to even comb). I think this is quite typical. It’s not something I’ve taught them - I don’t do the stuff dd does and don’t wear makeup, my cleaning/hygiene is more like ds’s.

I gave her the en-suite as she was a girl. Put the handcuffs on me and take me to jail!

No. Room was repurposed when eldest graduated and we knew they weren't returning to live at home.