Did you re-allocate childrens' bedrooms when eldest went to uni?

[CrikeyDozes]

my eldest is do to go to uni in Sept. they currently have the best bedroom: biggest, on floor of its own, small en suite. their siblings all want that room although each sibling has their own room of a decent size. i dint want the eldest to feel thus is not their home and they became less important and were considered to have moved out for good when they went to uni so I was planning on keeping their room for them. Their siblings, in particular the next oldest, are outraged.

do people usually re allocate bedrooms at this point? does it not leave the eldest feeling pushed out?

It's a bit sad that a young adult would feel pushed out of her family home because she chooses to go to university and had to swap rooms with a sibling. Does she not like her sibling?

Yes, I didn’t go home a lot. Admittedly, my parents’ sofa was incredibly uncomfortable, and all the rooms in the house led out of one another, so anyone going from the bedrooms to kitchen or bathroom had to troop through, so not exactly a good night’s sleep.

It depends on how often they want to come home. One of my friends dcs come home every fortnight.

Surely that’s a personality thing rather than a sex based thing though? My eldest daughter couldn’t care less about make up or lotions or anything like that. She showers, washes her face and cleans her teeth… that’s it. So giving her the en suite ‘because she’s a girl’ would be entirely pointless.

My parents did when I left for uni, they kept it as my room until christmas incase I dropped out. But my younger siblings were sharing a bedroom and even though mine was the smallest, it made no sense to have an empty bedroom just sitting there while teenagers were sharing.

They swapped one sofa for a sofa bed and I slept there when I came home for visits. I didn't feel pushed out or unwanted at all and even though I didn't have a bedroom there I knew it was home and I was welcome at any time.
It's just a bedroom and considering that they will still have a whole room to themselves when they come back, I think it would be quite immature and selfish of a person to still want the best room be kept just for them.

Really? So ds sort of gets her room but not really as it remains a shrine to eldest child and he will be turfed back to his box room if she looks in your direction? Because she is used to a double bed while he isn’t? Statistically he’ll be taller and benefit more from the double bed. Don’t marginalise and push your youngest children out like this Mumsnet! They matter too! (No, I wasn’t a youngest, I just feel this approach is deeply unfair)

Same scenario here. As soon as dd1 goes on her gap year dd2 gets the en suite attic room dd1 will have dd2 perfectly nice room. Dd1 has had the best room for years!

You might think it’s unfair but it worked for my dh, who was the youngest in the box room. When his brother left home, dh carried on with his bed and clothes in the box room, but used his brother’s room as a study for his desk and school files, and he hung out in there with friends. Everyone happy.

I think you should swap rooms as the big room is such an upgrade, it makes no sense for it to be sitting empty for most of the year to avoid upsetting an adult. It's not like the eldest is going to be staying in the garden shed when they come back, they just won't have the ensuite.

No although DC1 has the bigger room, both their rooms are massive by normal house standards. They share a bathroom.

In fairness they are both happy with their rooms however I still wouldn't change as I am anticipating that one or both will live at home post uni.

Only have one child so it isn’t an issue .
However I wouldn’t dream of reallocating without discussion .
Im one of two and my parents kept our rooms for us forever .
I wouldn’t use DD’s room for something / someone else without her consent .

Same scenario here damn right dd2 will get dd1 premium room would be mean having it sitting there as a shrine to dd1!

Why does the eldest have the biggest room in the first place? If it's just because they are the eldest it's fair to swap because they are not at home full time. If you had some other system for allocation (pulled rooms out of a hat, suited additional needs, etc) then it might be okay to keep things as they are. Otherwise it's horrible favouritism of the eldest. How long have they had the room for?

No, my DC kept their rooms at home. The rooms are all good-size doubles, and none has an en suite. After university or living away, they returned to live at home.

Exactly dd1 has had the best room for 4 years (we rented it out pre 2020 to foreign teens). Dd2 has 4 years left at home when dd1 has left so actually that’s fair they will both have had room for same time. But wouldn’t be fair at all if we ringfenced best room for dd1 whose not even there!

I know it says go off to uni, but there are quite a few jobs where you have to live in (I was a nanny at 18) my oldest DD got a live in job in stables at 16, she had the smallest bedroom,2 D'S sharing. She came home every weekend, I collected her. At 18 she was training for the BHSI , I taught her to drive, she had a car,she never came home and stayed, she was too busy clubbing and midic festivals,so youngest DS was given her bedroom.

Depends on term length. Living in halls term time only is different to having 52 week rental property. Those two factors together means than the eldest could be home nearly half the time.

We will be doing this when eldest goes to uni in October. Youngest in box room with no room for a desk. We'll be decorating both rooms.

No, it's their room, that they have put their stamp on, and going to uni is hard enough without not having familiarity to come back home to when they need to.

We did, it was a good opportunity to redecorate, the eldest's room was still mostly the same as it was when he was 10!
He didn't mind, because he understood there wasn't any point the big room sitting empty for most of the year. Dd really appreciated the big room after years in the box room.

Blows my mind that if the oldest had a far better room that you wouldn’t let the younger one who is living there full time have the room even though the oldest isn’t there most of the time!? I’m an older child myself but the oldest child favouritism is strong on this thread!

Golly, did she actually ask for her room back?

Growing up I had the larger bedroom, it seemed only fair to let my brother have it when I was going to university. Didn't need to be re-allocated and I didn't feel pushed out because I offered.

Absolutely give his room to someone else. Madness to keep the best bedroom for someone who dosent even live there!

Can't they put their stamp on another room between results day and moving out?

There's plenty of students who don't think that 'going to uni is hard enough'. Many are excited to start and have a wonderful experience.

Maybe having other people think that they need the familiarity of their childhood bedroom is what is what makes it hard.

When my dd was preparing to go it was a positive experience.

It seems really strange to me to keep their room exactly how it is when there is someone else who you presumably also love who could benefit from it. Nobody is suggesting that they have no room to come home to. Just a different room.