Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

[SillyCook0]

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

@pandapanda67 what treatment you have taken for OCD? I am glad it worked for you. I am a perfectionist and at times of stress obsess over minor things.

This is very true. When I am stressed I focus on whether my oven is switched off. I keep looking at it, I take photos, I obsess with it (it used to be my iron before I stopped ironing altogether). When I’m not under stress I don’t do these things. The wedding dress is OP’s focus.

It is a lovely dress.

A few friends in recent years have gone for the strapless type dress which is very unflattering on most people unless you’re very slim with little or a small bust and no back fat or a very slim back and shoulders.

It’s not only that, it’s getting the right bridal underwear eg corset or strapless bra to match it.

My other SIL through marriage got a stunning white or very pale pink strapless dress which was designer, at an auction, she didn’t get the right strapless bra or a corset though and it was quite noticeable on her big day.

Mind you I’m very picky about how things fit and what to wear under them.

Sorry - final one from me. The reason why I think there's something more to it is because of the way you say you know these thoughts are irrational but you just cant seem to stop them (i.e. you know its not logical to worry this excessively about a dress you wore 3 years ago, and I mean that in the kindest way, but you can't help it). My worry was that I'd named my child the 'wrong' name. I fell very very unwell with it for about a year. It was actually someone on mumsnet who pointed out that I might have OCD. Now I've emerged out of it and I can see that its a fine name, maybe there are others out there that are also nice, but it really doesn't matter. @Redpaisely i was put on an SSRI which I still take, and had a lot of CBT. I couldn't say what ultimately worked, probably a combination of those things and just time, but when I think back to how my mind was I find it very hard to relate. Its a horrible illness but lots of great treatment out there xxx

Oh wow. This reminded me that I had the same feelings for years after I got married so I totally get it. It’s been a while now and I don’t give it headspace anymore (I mean, I have probably filled it with other ridiculous things to fret about) but hopefully the feelings will subside for you too.

If this was supposed to be an unflattering belly angle photo then you are overthinking!

Have you had dcs yet?!

What a beautiful, stylish classic look. You pull it off beautifully.

Nobody can change the past

@pandapanda67 I actually have thought about OCD during this, as my thoughts are so obsessive. I have obsessive thoughts on other things, like arguments that happened years ago and what I should have said etc too that crop up when stressed. Unchangeable things! I'm glad you got some help with yours.

Although I don't have kids yet, I can totally see why you would feel this way over naming a child. It's a massive decision and once the name is registered, you probably hear other names and compare them to the one you picked. Also the huge responsibility of will they like their name etc? I can see myself obsessing over this too. I bet you picked a name that will carry them through life just fine though ❤️

Elegant is the word that sums up your photo. Like a 1930s Hollywood star.

Hi OP. I could have written this post myself and I'm almost glad you wrote it (although wouldn't wish the regret and anxiety on anyone) because some of the responses have helped me too, as well as knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.

Like you, I bought my dress in the first shop. My sister wasn't there (as I didn't intend to buy) which I do regret but I cried and was overwhelmed when I tried it on and I think I just got carried away. I think I was also confused because I had hated the style of dress I actually went to try on then found one that surprised me. Almost straight away I had the feeling of worry, regret etc because I didn't think I'd seen enough dresses and the shop lady wasn't the friendliest so it wasn't the lovely experience I pictured. It was the only dress in that style I'd even tried in the shop and I bought it with the intention of having straps altered. Sensible me would absolutely have told me to wait and find the perfect one but it was done. For the entire time between buying and the wedding I had second thoughts, looking at more dresses online and wondering about others, however, most of the dresses I liked online were the exact same style as I picked so I shouldn't have had any reason to worry. I actually went back to the shop with my sister to try it on. I loved it and she cried but then regret and worry would crept in after that visit. Same thing with the fittings and despite feeling amazing on the day, I still have regrets two years later. Like you, I have a few pics where it's just not sitting right at the bust but in others it looks fine.

I have a few photos that I love and others that I hate to see. The ones I love I'm relaxed and grinning in, no awkward posing or anything like that.

The sensible part of me says put it out your mind, it was two years ago and you felt great but often I can't look at wedding photos without a knot in my stomach. I wish I'd just tried on more styles to satisfy myself. The crazy part of me has actually considered going to try on dresses after the fact to reassure myself I did make the right decision (madness?!).

I suffer from anxiety quite badly and am getting help to manage it. Hopefully I can soon be at peace with my decision and my photos. When I look at the photos I try to focus on the things I do like - I look the happiest I've ever been, I'm the fittest I've ever been and have shape in my arms and back and I know I'll never be as slim again (one baby and c section pouch later). The dress is also beautiful and I know it. I just need to let go of the what ifs.

Long story and for that I apologise but I wanted to reach out because I feel exactly the same as you do.

It’s a lovely dress and you looked wonderful in it! It’s an elegant, simple design that will never look dated.

I do empathise with how you are feeling though as I have had similar thoughts about my own wedding dress. Even though I was far from fat at the time I have always had body image issues and wish I had chosen something different. I’m a perfectionist generally in intent but always struggle to feel that I get things quite right. I also hyper focus on what other people think of me and my decisions.

It's beautiful!

I also bought the first dress I tried on. It wasn't my dream dress. But it was lovely! I wish I could fit it now!

It's a beautiful dress and you look beautiful in it.

A bit of therapy might help you to learn ways to challenge this kind of thinking, OP.

Don't allow your anxiety to rob you of your happy memories.x.

@SillyCook0 exactly that... the pressure to get it 'Right'. Awful. Why is no one else using this name? Will they hate it? Is it boring? This person seemed to like it, but this person didn't - who was right? Should we have called them X? Perhaps Y was The Name. Why am I focusing on my baby's name and not my beautiful baby? These were the thoughts going round my head every day for about a year. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Sounds completely batshit and the worst thing is at the time you know it is but you can't help it.

I think choosing a name is a decision which you think you shouldn't have a shred of doubt about. A bit like, I would imagine, buying a wedding dress - so much of the language we use is around the notion that there is The Dress. Bonkers. If you're prone to obsessive thinking, this will trip you up. I'm really well now and loving life, but i know that it will probably flare up at different times in my life, like moving house, or buying a wedding dress, or another child, but hopefully I'll be a bit more prepared...

Oh my goodness, it's stunning and timeless. You look amazing in it.

I do know what you mean about overthinking though. We got married a long time ago. It was a perfect day but I still think back to some of the choices I made in the run up to the wedding. I'm introverted and have ASD so some things might have been considered odd although no one said anything!

My overthinking has been quite bad recently so I have started doing a 20 minute guided meditation every morning. I've also just started journalling when I go to bed. I just scribble like an internal conversation with myself, note down words and draw randomly. It's really helping. Gardening is also good.

Could you do something similar? Colouring in or take up crochet?

I've got worse as I've got older and I suspect it's because life is so much busier than it ever was. Also had a lot of shit thrown at me in the last few years which hasn't helped.

It's not really about the dress is it?

I wore a "meringue" & when I look at my wedding photos all I see is how bloody happy I was to marry my husband.

Still happy nearly 30yrs later.

What a lovely figure & this dress is so simple & elegant, it suits you perfectly. Im so sorry you feel like this. I wore the second dress I tried on. Although it was a differnt style it was also very simple. Years later when talking about wedding dresses someone said to me I've been to loads of weddings & your dress is the only one I remember. It was so simple yet beautiful, others then agreed.This is exactly the type of opinion your dress would receive. This should make you confident that for you it was the perfect choice. People will remember your wedding day and your dress.

Also, focus on your feelings. If something doesn't feel right it's not for you. Focus on what energises YOU. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you should do. You are on your own path. Only you know what is right for you (even if everyone thinks it's batshit!).

It's simple, classy and elegant. You look lovely in it. It suits you, it's flattering and there is nothing about it at all to dislike. If anything, it's biggest crime is that for a 24 year old, it's a bit on the boring side. But trust me, compared to the alternative, that's a very good thing.

I've seen some absolute howlers over the years that will definitely not stand the test of time. When people look back they will feel embarrassed at what they picked because it was ridiculously over the top and has dated really badly. A case in point is the current trend for dresses with a very deep V neckline that is practically to the belly button. It visually drags everyone boobs downwards which is never a good look. And it needs that awful, skin toned nylon mesh to hold the whole thing up. Or those dresses with very visible bra cups under sheer bodices. Or those excessively deep cutaways at the sides. They look like underwear or swimming costumes, or ballroom dancing outfits. You are supposed to look like a bride, not a cabaret dancer on a cruise ship, or something from the window of Ann Summers.

That will not happen with your dress. People will still be picking that dress in another ten years, precisely because it's classy, timeless and elegant. Please stop worrying about it. I'd rather people thought my wedding dress was a bit too safe than they laughed at me behind my back and said 'WTF was she thinking? She looks like she's on a float at the Notting Hill Carnival.'

It's a beautiful dress and you look beautiful in it. I am so sorry that you feel this way about yourself, but - sadly - I can relate. All best wishes to you.

I agree!. You look lovely in it, very flattering

I think it is beautiful - and perfect for a young woman. My daughter is about the same age and that's exactly the type of dress I hope she chooses - simple, elegant and allowing the natural beauty of youth to shine through !

In any case the most important thing about a wedding is that it is the beginning of a lifetime adventure with the person who loves you best.

@Coffeewiththatcake oh wow yes this sounds so similar to me. I also get that horrible knot in my stomach and yet torture myself by looking and analysing the photos. I think it's because you (hopefully) only do it once and you don't get those experiences back, so I totally get why you'd feel that way about your sister not being with you for that. I'm glad you went back with her and her reaction says it all really, I bet that dress was bloody beautiful on you ❤️

Honestly I've had those irrational thoughts too, I thought about getting hair and make up and more photos taken 🫣🫣🫣

@pandapanda67 yes that's its, 'the pressure to get it RIGHT'. I think that's a big struggle and the whole THE dress, THE baby name thing. That people just seem to KNOW about these things and that THE ONE exists. That's a lot of pressure.