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Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

267 replies

SillyCook0 · 25/04/2024 23:46

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.
OP posts:
penjil · 01/05/2024 15:07

That is a superb dress and you look great in it!!

So sleek, and the lines are just right. It's not pulling or tight anywhere. Fits like a glove.

I'm not quite sure you haven't made this "wedding dress issue" up ...?! 😂

If only all brides look as sleek and classy as you!

Bahhhhhumbug · 01/05/2024 15:12

Very similar to mine except with sleeves,not a bit of lace or sequin to be seen ,very plain. I have a bit of a tum even when slim but no one else saw that l don't think. Problem is we focus on our perceived faults,others see the whole ,DH loved it and still talks about first seeing me in it, less is more especially to men l think imo. Like that old saying 'you should wear the dress not the dress wear you' Am sure your DH loved it.

Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.
bohemianmullet · 01/05/2024 15:16

To me it sounds like there is more going on and you are anxious perhaps about other things and over-focusing on a non-life threatening thing from the past. There might even be a touch of OCD or intrusive and obsessive thoughts about this issue?

If it is anything to do with the latter, getting lots of reassurance about the dress and your appearance might not actually be the way to go. It might be that you have to cut out reassurance seeking. This is very hard I know and it's only for this reason I'm not going to focus on the dress itself.

You know that this is not a huge issue in the scheme of things and you sound like you really want the loop of obsessive thoughts to stop on this so perhaps step one is not to feed the obsession by asking for reassurance and opinions as the latter can feed the obsession. Then maybe look into some online CBT and some techniques to try and stop ruminations. There are various techniques talked of on here that might be useful. Set yourself a "worry time" for half an hour later in the day. You can then say every time it starts "I'll park thinking about this until 6.30" or whatever time you decide. Then sit down then and do your worrying, write it down even. And after a set time, stop and go and do something else.

The weird thing with this technique is that often when you get to your set time you don't feel the same or worry as much. Then slowly reduce that set window over time.

Other techniques are to try and stay in the moment. Feel the ground under your feet, the chair you are sitting in, take in the details, sight, sound, touch of where you are in that moment. This helps get you back in the present and out of ruminating about the past.

The other thing that can really help is just to say to yourself "i did my best. I can't change the past. I can only learn for the future". This might not be that relevant to worrying about a dress. But basically we can't change the past, and ruminating on it can be so very destructive. We did our best is an important thing to remember because we aren't perfect (we'd be inhuman if so!) and we can't always control the outcome of everything even if we try our best. It allows us to accept that we can't be perfect. We don't have perfect information. We do our best.

This doesn't mean your dress went wrong by the way! It's just a technique to get our heads out of going over and over and over something we cannot change and the self-destruction that can have on our present and future lives.

You talk of a body image problem. I don't know about those. But I do recognise something of the obsessive focus and anxiety in your post. I would love for you to be able to release yourself from that. It's so debilitating and anxiety can grow if it gets a hold. Some have suggested councelling. You may or may not be able to access that. But I'd for a start look into CBT for anxiety. But there are huge numbers of people who claim to do CBT who do all sorts of things that aren't really. So if I did seek out an actual therapist I'd go to the BABCP register.

Good luck OP. Remember, the pressure that tells women they must be like "perfect" semi celebrities on special occasions, is one that can suck confidence from people and takes money for that lack of confidence. There's so many great things in life, so many interests to pursue. Every time your mind returns to the dress, tell yourself you're great as you are, and go and pursue something that interests your mind or gives you joy now instead.

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Grammarnut · 01/05/2024 15:56

That's a lovely dress. You must have looked stunning.

MultiPolarista · 01/05/2024 15:58

This sounds like obsessive thinking to me. Maybe a trip to the GP?
If your thoughts are causing you problems or making you unhappy then you should speak to your GP as they can help.

The dress is gorgeous btw, you looked amazing!

ukgot2pot · 01/05/2024 16:04

I think this is more about your inner demons than about a dress...

5128gap · 01/05/2024 16:11

It a beautiful simple dress and you look stunning in it. Its timeless and won't date and embarass you in years to come. (I got married at 21 in a meringue with hair that looks poodle with a back comb, so I know what I'm talking about here.)

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2024 16:11

SillyCook0 · 25/04/2024 23:46

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

Lovely and very flattering

5128gap · 01/05/2024 16:16

Bahhhhhumbug · 01/05/2024 15:12

Very similar to mine except with sleeves,not a bit of lace or sequin to be seen ,very plain. I have a bit of a tum even when slim but no one else saw that l don't think. Problem is we focus on our perceived faults,others see the whole ,DH loved it and still talks about first seeing me in it, less is more especially to men l think imo. Like that old saying 'you should wear the dress not the dress wear you' Am sure your DH loved it.

So beautiful! 😍

Nanaof1 · 01/05/2024 16:36

SillyCook0 · 25/04/2024 23:49

Thanks @jocktamsonsbairn. I used to have body issues and a few photos I've seen of me in it are bad angles, from relatives phones mostly. I really struggle with it mentally and I'm not quite sure why. It's such a waste of headspace and a non-issue!

Just my opinion: I think it is a beautiful and very classy/classic dress that fits the person wearing it just perfectly! Stunning!

SabreIsMyFave · 01/05/2024 16:37

@SillyCook0

Bless you lovely! 😆 You look absolutely amazing and the dress is beautiful AND you've got a great figure. I know what you mean though! I'm slightly chubby - 5 foot 3 to 5 foot 4, and just over 12 stone/size 14-16, and I look fine on most pictures (that are POSED, and front on!)

But when somebody gets a picture of me when I am not aware it's being taken, (and especially from the side,) I look like a pregnant hippo. My niece got married last summer and there was some horrific pictures of me. Lots of nice ones (the posed ones!) But the 'candid' ones were minging! 😬

The photographer there took about 500 pictures between midday and midnight. (She was there all day, then everybody got the link to the photographs to print them off as you want.) I looked fine (nice even,) on some pics, but I looked awful, and about 2 stone heavier on about a dozen!

But yes, don't worry you probably looked absolutely fine/lovely/great on most of the pictures 😃 Oh and congratulations on getting married. I hope you'll be really happy for many, many years to come. Flowers

PeonyAndBlushSuede · 01/05/2024 17:08

@SillyCook0 I think it’s a lovely dress OP, really flattering on your figure and just a timeless classic in terms of style.

About 8-9ish years ago my friend had a puffy ‘princess’ style wedding dress, she loved it at the time but now hates it when looking back on photos. So you’re not the first, and won’t be the last of women to regret their choices. Our taste changes over time, but it’s not worth getting upset over.

All that matters if that you, your husband, family and friends had an amazing day, which I’m sure you did 💐

takemeawayagain · 01/05/2024 17:27

I'm not sure many people could get away with that dress, I really don't think it would be very forgiving! You look fantastic in it though. I think you need to work on your self esteem and maybe get some help with your anxiety.

FuckOffYokeofOpression · 01/05/2024 17:31

Utterly and stunningly elegant, it really is. Timeless, it would have been beautiful in the 1920s/30s and it was beautiful when you wore it.

Go look at some unflattering photographs of celebrities you know are stunning. Everyone can have a bad photo from a bad angle.

Pineapples198 · 01/05/2024 17:34

I know exactly how you feel as I always had this idea that I would get a specific type of dress when I got married - it was a raised area in Debenhams with lovely dresses. I also bought the first one I tried on- it wasn’t even white, it was billed as ivory but was more of a soft gold. I loved it at the time but it’s the one thing I would change if I got to go back. I never did the bridal shop trying on loads of dresses thing and I think I would’ve found something much nicer. I would also liked to have done the traditional white on reflection. Anyway it’s been 16 years so I definitely just need to stop thinking about it now 😂

Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.
wilteddandelion · 01/05/2024 17:38

SillyCook0 · 25/04/2024 23:46

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

if this is actually you look and the dress look bloody stunning.
The mean voice in your head that's making you think otherwise is literally a voice; voices don't have eyes. So it doesn't know what you looked like ;)

SabreIsMyFave · 01/05/2024 17:47

Is that actually you @Pineapples198 ? Or just a model showing off the dress?

froggirl · 01/05/2024 17:54

I have some regrets about my evening dress at my wedding when I see the photos. It was not all that flattering but I bought it in a bit of a rush because I realised I'd need to change (dancing/ too hot!)

It's a minor cringe. But honestly , life is too short, and nobody - NOBODY - is thinking about this as much as you are.

It's quite a skill in life to learn to gracefully move past these cringe moments we sometimes feel. I actually think it's a sign of maturity if you can just accept it and in the scheme of things - it's not that important.

And for what it's worth, you look great anyway.

Pineapples198 · 01/05/2024 18:20

SabreIsMyFave · 01/05/2024 17:47

Is that actually you @Pineapples198 ? Or just a model showing off the dress?

It’s me. A much younger me!

Cactusprick · 01/05/2024 18:25

SillyCook0 · 25/04/2024 23:46

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

Bless You!
I really honestly think you look absolutely fantastic in that dress. It suits you so so much; it looks like it was made for you.

I have some regrets about my wedding day, but really you just have to think about the bigger picture: why did you have a wedding? To marry the love of your life! That’s what it’s all about lovely. The dress is just something you wore for one day of your married life x

Drearydiedre · 01/05/2024 18:26

This sounds like a symptom of other anxiety in your life. You are fixating on something minor to deal with it.
When I was very unwell I used to fixate on a bit of damage to the side of our house. At the time we couldn't afford to have the render redone. Every time I drove onto the drive my heart would be pounding as I had to look at the damage. I used to have spiralling thoughts that we had devalued our house, everyone must notice it, noone would ever buy our house in the future.
Guess what? Someone bought the house despite the render. Turns out no one noticed it!
Your reaction to your lovely dress sounds a bit extreme. You look lovely and it's still elegant and in date. But all wedding dresses do date and new things come into the shop that we would buy now. That's just the nature of fashion. Don't let this ruin happy memories of your day.
Please try and work out why you are feeling like this. The real reason is unlikely to be the dress.

TeaGinandFags · 01/05/2024 19:23

It's a lovely dress and you look sooo slim in it.

Don't worry about it. It's a lovely photo.

I got married in the 80s. All copies have been destroyed!

earther · 01/05/2024 19:24

I think your being a little hard on yourself. That dress is very nice.

LuluBlakey1 · 01/05/2024 20:02

I think it's lovely.

I bet no one else remembers really and it's just you who can actually recall it in any detail (apart from your DM and DH). I can only recall one other wedding dress in any detail apart from my own.

TitaniasAss · 01/05/2024 20:06

That dress is absolutely beautiful and you look amazing.

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