Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

[SillyCook0]

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

I think that dress is lovely and fits you beautifully and as others have said, it's timeless.

But what matters is how you feel. It wouldn't be exactly the same of course but maybe a vow renewal for your anniversary in a different dress might give you what you're looking for in some way?

That dress looked gorgeous on you. It's timeless and fitted you perfectly. That's the perfect to pass onto daughters/granddaughters. I'm not suprised you didn't try on any more. I only tried on 3 dresses, the third I loved. The lady kept trying to persuade me to try on more! But I didn't see the point as I'd already found my dress, and didn't enjoy the whole trying on dresses experience. I think it's not really about the dress for you, it's anxiety. When you feel stressed, you suddenly think about all the bad decisions you're supposed to have made. I used to get it when I was younger. I broke the cycle by laughing and saying to myself, how funny because it really doesn't matter! Hope that tip works for you x

@Purplehearts9066 I know, didn't have Rishi down as a mumsnetter 👀🤣

Your dress looks beautiful very elegant 😍
And you have a lovely figure too. Stop stressing.

@Beautiful3 thank you so much for your reply and I think that's exactly it, I feel anxious and then I go over all my decisions and things I can't change! I feel able to laugh about it today, which is an improvement from a couple of days ago! X

ODFOD

I’m a wheelchair user and I have diagnosed severe anxiety. The anxiety is just as crippling, believe me, if not more so.

Beautiful elegant dress, no fussy ruffles or tatty ad ons. You are a style icon!

I would say what I always say to people stressing about a wedding. At the end of the day, your wedding doesn't matter, even if it all goes wrong. It's your marrage that's important.

I'm over 50 and will marry in a plain ivory jumpsuit as I am too scared to even wear a dress at my dotage. xx

Haven't read the full thread, but honestly @SillyCook0 , the dress looked lovely! I'm sure everyone thought you looked beautiful.

I do think that we make far too much of 'the big day' in all honesty. I got married almost 20 years ago, and it felt like such an enormous, expensive deal. I remember fretting afterwards about little things that didn't go perfectly.

All these years down the line, I wish we hadn't spent quite so much money, and I wish that I'd realised that all the details that felt so all- consuming at the time didn't matter - their 'importance' was nothing compared to building a home and family together in future years.

I remember worrying about how I looked in my dress also, thinking I looked chubby (I was 8 stone something at the time 🙄). I remember a wise friend saying 'you will look back and realise how great you looked...and also laugh at how slim you were.' I don't want to suggest that 'slim' is uber-important, but I must confess - a few kids, a few stone, and many years later, her words ring remarkably true! You will be the same.

Desperate times and all that 🤣

You look stunning! I promise you that one day you will show your grandchildren you wedding album and they will say "Nanny you were beautiful" and you will know you were a beautiful bride in a beautiful dress💐

One of the nicest wedding dresses I've ever seen - and that includes my own lacy one from 1980.

That dress and how you look in it, is exactly how I see my daughter in my day dreams about any wedding she may have. You looked beautiful.

I think that's a beautiful dress. It's a timeless classic dress.

You looked amazing in it too.

It’s classy and chic, and it will never look dated. Honestly you made a great choice.

It’s a beautiful, classic dress. Much nicer than lots of the cut out/see thru/boobs out dresses!

That’s a really lovely dress that fitted you beautifully!

Hello! It sounds quite similar to BDD: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/

My friend has it about her (perfect) skin and whenever she feels anxious/ stressed it rears its head and she starts fixating on it again. Having had treatment, she now knows just to dismiss those thoughts as anxiety/ BDD and not an actual problem (i.e. about her skin). Are you able to speak to your doctor?

xxxx

I looked amazing on my first wedding - I had a simple dress from Monsoon but I was young and slim and had great skin. I wasn't sure I should be getting married though so I looked a bit vacant. My exH was a violent bastard so how I looked didn't matter, he still hated me enough to break my bones.

My second wedding I was 6 months post hysterectomy, older and my skin wasn't it's best but DH made my dress and although I look a bit dishevelled in my wedding dress because I'd been prancing round a forest, the happiness radiates from me in the photos because I am safe, loved and happy. So I look even more amazing than my first wedding. Bits of cloth don't make the person, the person does. Glad you are feeling better OP,

@SillyCook0 - echoing PPs - it’s a lovely dress which suits you very well. You look beautiful in it. I will add - you sound lovely, your husband sounds great and I think you have a long, happy marriage ahead of you.

Picking up on a couple of things (and speaking as someone prone to anxiety) - you mention your father is in hospital. I wonder if there is an element of transference here - it’s less painful to worry about the dress than your father. I have certainly in the past fixated on a single thing rather than the underlying source of stress.

Also you say you’re scared of having regrets. Don’t be. The occasional regret is part of a full and conscious life. It’s unavoidable that you will sometimes do things that - with hindsight - you wish you hadn’t done or you wish you had done differently. And that will include the occasional big regret. That’s part of life. The key is to learn the lesson that comes with the regret and bring that lesson to your future actions.

I look back and regret my hair. I wanted to wear it down but I have fine hair that doesn’t hold a curl and my friends talked me into an up do to stay in place all day. It was too severe and the shape on my head made me look odd on the photos from certain angles. I obsessed over it for ages after. I try to remember that on the actual day I felt beautiful and looked beautiful to my husband and I had the best time. That is what is important. But yes if I ever renew my vows I am sticking to my guns and wearing my hair down.

I’ve never been married and I was very slim (too slim) when I was younger.

That didn’t stop me obsessing over other normal teenage stuff like spots though and squeezing them to oblivion and then picking the remains, ugh!

We didn’t have internet and SM back then luckily for us, but for you OP please get therapy for it.

My SIL’s younger cousin who’s 34 has suffered from bulimia partly from SM pressure and her job which is/was an actress. She’s stunning though.

As you know you look stunning in that dress!

I do have a story for you though. At about 22 I was in a local clothes shop to where I lived trying on clothes. There were so nice denim shorts but very short, they were probably just the fashion then. I did have cellulite but nothing bad just normal! I recall the woman in the shop reassuring me I looked fine. I did and I bought the shorts but because I wanted the perfect body (cellulite was a big no no then) I agonised over how I looked in them. I’d love to say I was much better years on. But in my late 30s, a size 10-12, I was in Gap again agonising over shorts for a holiday. A lovely woman in the next cubicle (where you could come out) totally unasked for, told me I looked great in them so it hadn’t changed years on.

Classic and timeless, you made a great choice.

Alternatively (and sorry, I don't mean to fling diagnoses at you), OCD. I have recovered from a terrible bout of OCD since having my first child. The way OCD works is that you have a thought (or a feeling/ an urge/ a doubt) such as 'it was the wrong dress' and it worries you so much that you obsess/ fixate on it. You think its a problem that you need to solve, and so you do various compulsions to try to neutralise the anxious thought i.e. ask for reassurance about your dress/ write a mumsnet thread, ruminate. But unfortunately that just makes it worse. You'll never reach a definitive answer - yes it was the right dress or no it wasn't, so you just go down this incredible rabbit hole. OCD tends to flare up during periods of stress. There's very effective treatment out there for OCD and the original worries that I had (that I would fixate on in much the same way as you are) no longer bother me at all. Good luck xxx