Wedding Dress Regrets, Been 3 years.

[SillyCook0]

I got married at 24, had a great day, love my husband. I felt young and daft in the shop and ended up buying the first dress I tried on.

It's been years now and I still sometimes torture myself over it. It crops up when I am anxious about other things in life.

I've attached a photo. I analyse photos and go down a rabbit hole sometimes when I'm feeling low. I don't know what's wrong and why I can't snap out of it!

It’s a beautiful dress, which flatters you

@Genevieva like you, I was the first of my friends to marry and I'd never given it a thought until the whole process began! Yet afterwards my head was spinning!

Maybe you can weirdly spiit your situation into a positive because its empowered you to ensure your daughter has what she wants for her wedding day, learning from the mistakes of your mum. Sorry if that sounds odd, I'm trying to look at things more positively. 😅 Your daughter will be very lucky to have you by her side when she is getting married and making all those decisions x

Let me come at this from the other end OP. I was married nearly 30yrs ago and looking back I hate my dress. It didn't fit properly and it was a compromise dress as I couldn't find one I really liked. My best friend said you have to get married once, to know what you'd really like (speaking of maturity and changing tastes). As in you'd do it differently 2nd time around. You did what you did in that moment and that's ok. You look stunning in that dress. You could consider having a vow renewal in the future and choose a new dress...

Do you feel good about yourself, coming onto a thread where everyone is being kind and empathetic and being nasty to someone who is clearly struggling with anxiety? Id suggest YOU get some help for your spiteful streak tbh. There are better ways of feeling good about yourself than being mean to others - just saying.

@BentFork you are so right!

It wouldn’t matter if you were wearing a plastic bin bag. It’s the marriage that’s important, not the trivial stuff like what you look like in the ceremony.

I'm treated for anxiety. The problem is it makes you think irrationally. It doesn't matter how many people tell you it is a beautiful dress you end up focused on it. With a rational mind you see that even if was an awful dress it doesn't really matter, the purpose is to get married, and your friends and family aren't judging you on the day, they're supporting you. Rationally there is no point looking back to something you can't change, how many of us got married in what 90s in what are considered to be awful dresses today. If it is affecting your life talk to a doctor, I found medication helped but there are theories that are offered as well.

Your dress is beautiful. I got married 15 years ago. If I got married not I'd choose a totally different dress, but I don't give it more than a few seconds headspace.

Lets hope you never have a mental health issue, with that attitude. This type of comment is no different to telling someone in a wheelchair to make a fuss about stairs.

Thanks @Beekeepingmum and I'm glad to hear medication has helped you. I think the most frustrating thing for me is that even when I'm being irrational, I am very aware that I'm being irrational and having irrational thoughts, yet I can't turn them off in that moment. It's like I know and can see what's happening, but I'm just along for the ride whether I like it or not. I'm going to try some of the techniques suggested before seeking help from GP.

I have several tattoos from when I was younger that I would NEVER get now I'm older. Rather than looking at them and thinking how awful they are etc, I look back and think about what I was like at that age and it reminds me of that period of my life. When you tried the dress on you must have liked it to buy it (it looks lovely by the way!). Living in regret is one of the most damaging things you can do to yourself.

That's exactly it. I knew I was worrying irrationally but I couldn't get myself to stop which then created a vicious cycle of making me more worried. It stopped me sleeping and functioning because I ended up focused on the wrong things. I had previously run large international teams in stressful situations but was then barely about to see family. I'm now back to my normal self but now fully understand how mental health issues are very similar to physical health but people don't understand it in the same way as if I had broken my leg for example.

Aww its lovely dress! Dont be so hard on yourself!
I got married 3 year ago. I tried two dresses on and picked the first one. I just loved it! However, on the day,(whether its because my mum & sister didnt do it up right, or because i lost a little more weight after my final fitting a week prior, or just because you dont actually move about properly and wear it for long at fittings,) my dress was a sweetheart princess dress and once id sat down in the wedding car, i kept falling out of it! Luckily it became a funny highlight of the day! The priests eyes nearly popped out when i signed the certificate and everything nearly fell out! And the videos of me pulling it up and stuffing myself back in are pretty funny!
My biggest wedding advice to brides now is make sure you fully test the dress in the shop... lie down, sit down, jump around, and keep it on for a good while testing all aspects of it!

Yes I have a real fear of regret @Heidi1976!

@Beekeepingmum that's it, putting energy and attention into things that don't really matter. I also find a lot of people I've spoken to about anxiety are able to deliver a high pressure presentation at work, lead a team, or maybe do some public speaking, yet something small ends up triggering them. Makes me wonder it's somewhere to 'put' the anxiety being suppressed in other areas or something. It is such a visicious cycle!

@Mummabee87 you're so right, fittings are short and I stood there like a mannequin the whole time 😆 I'm glad you had a great wedding day and it sounds a laugh too. I like the image of the priest! X

Tory derail (eye roll)

It is totally different from your ‘wheelchair’ example where a permanent and serious situation is involved.
GPs appointments are hard enough to get for serious ailments; someone bleating about a wedding dress should not be a priority. It comes into the category of ‘ups and downs of life’ that we just have to get on with.
I don’t have much sympathy with the brandishing of ‘anxiety’ as some sort of trump card.

I absolutely relate to this, but I don't think it’s about the dress. I spent hours (and eventually £10k) on wedding dresses including a custom designer gown, and it still wasn’t perfect. In fairness, they didn’t make it exactly to specification and others agreed, but without prompting no one would have picked it apart and would have just accepted it as the dress. It’s something I still think about regularly years on and hugely regret which is mad, because it really doesn’t matter now. On the morning of my wedding, I felt sad putting it on and now can’t bear to look at the pictures. I probably do have issues with control and perfectionism and a wedding is the perfect manifestation of these. For some people (especially if you don’t love being in the spotlight) a wedding can be quite stressful and I also think there’s pressure involved in everyone judging your taste, which is inevitable. Now when I get annoyed about this, I try to remind myself that the actual marriage is the best thing to ever happen to me, so in that sense, the wedding couldn’t have been a bigger success. Hope you can find peace with this, and FWIW, I really like your dress!

It’s a beautiful dress and you have a great figure.

Another eye roll unhelpful fuckers

Your dress is lovely and you look nice. In all honesty though even if it was a horrible dress you still should not worry as you have a lovely husband you say so that's the most important bit. I am similar to you and hate photos always think I look awful. What I do is, look at it as if it is not yours, someone else's, what would your thoughts be. I bet they would be much kinder x

@Newposter180 you are so right that a wedding is the perfect manifestation for these emotions. I am so sorry to hear you felt sad putting it on, no bride should feel that way 😭 I bet, as you say, that you picked it apart when you stepped into it, but nobody else could probably see any of the imperfections you could. I am so happy to know that your marriage has been the best thing to happen and thats really what's important and what it's all about ❤️ I wish you many more happy years x thank you!

@SillyCook0 if I had your figure hen, I'd have worn bridal underwear and a veil to the church, you look stunning!

Also the dress is very timeless and elegant which might not make you feel like you went "all out" but some dresses age like a bad joke, remember that and realise how Lucky you'll feel to never have the "wtf was I wearing" shame so many of us have 😂

A figure to die for and an absolutely classic dress! I absolutely love it 🥰 you look like a queen!

Haha, right?

Rishi is dat you?

That made me laugh @Lwrenn 🤣🤣 thanks so much!

Yeah, I know I picked it thinking 'classic, won't date' and now I'm like 'awk it was very plain wasn't it'. The irony is if I'd picked something with more going on, I'd be looking back now and thinking 'oh that was a bit much'. Really I can't win with me 🙃 x