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Original poster

Another wedding one ...

275 replies

what2dooooooo · 16/04/2024 11:40

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/04/2024 11:41

Yes.

Mrsttcno1 · 16/04/2024 11:44

Yeah. I’ve always said the bride & groom should absolutely plan the wedding they want whether that means kids/no kids, local/100 miles away, abroad/not abroad, absolutely it’s their day and they should plan the day they dream of. BUT they have to accept that those choices do mean that some guests may be unable or unwilling to attend. So it’s a case of they really need to decide what’s more important, having the no kids/abroad wedding whatever it may be OR having all of their family and friends there.

IggyAce · 16/04/2024 11:44

It’s a natural consequence of their wish to have a child free wedding.

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Weddings
heldinadream · 16/04/2024 11:54

It's not clear what you mean when you say 'Is this to be expected?' Is it to be expected that people can't go and are sad - yes. Is it to be expected that the bride is hurt and upset - only if she's a) too young to understand b) stupid c) selfish or d) becoming a Bridezilla.

WimpoleHat · 16/04/2024 11:57

Yes. It’s up to her if she doesn’t want to have children at her wedding, but she has to accept that people with children may then not be able to attend.

TinyYellow · 16/04/2024 11:59

Of course it’s to be expected. The bride has no right to be upset and if she is she should keep that to herself.

WimpoleHat · 16/04/2024 12:08

I think people get so wrapped up in weddings and “the big day” that they genuinely lose perspective and don’t see that “the big day” is only really important to them (and perhaps their immediate family). To others, it’s usually a nice thing to be involved in if that’s convenient…..but then excluding children often makes it very inconvenient and then, of course, they don’t want to/can’t go.

mindutopia · 16/04/2024 12:10

Yes, it's to be expected that guests can't attend if you give them too many hurdles to jump in order to get there.

We have friends who had a childfree wedding abroad and dh had to go on his own (was best man) as we at the time had a small baby (and no overnight childcare anyway). They now have 2 small children (baby and toddler) and were recently complaining to me about another friend having a childfree wedding, and how selfish it is to have a childfree wedding because it makes it so hard for people to attend. 🙄They obviously don't mean to be so clueless, but when you don't have children or when you have family who can provide childcare, you just don't think these things through.

Newestname002 · 16/04/2024 13:09

what2dooooooo · 16/04/2024 11:40

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

Bit of an own goal.. 🌹

Casperroonie · 18/04/2024 19:23

what2dooooooo · 16/04/2024 11:40

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

Well, it was their choice. Bride can't have it both ways, either rethink it or accept it.

Justlovedogs · 18/04/2024 19:27

Casperroonie · 18/04/2024 19:23

Well, it was their choice. Bride can't have it both ways, either rethink it or accept it.

Show quote history

100% this and to be expected. Can't have your cake and eat it

TiredMummma · 18/04/2024 19:29

It's her choice - either you are inclusive and you have the people you want or you put in rules like 'child free' and accept that the majority with children won't be able to attend. Normally for family weddings the family are also going, so absolutely no chance. If she is that desperate for people to come then she needs to organise a crèche.

I once attempted to attend a kid free wedding with my husband. Our overnight childcare (relative) fell through on the day and the hotel where the wedding was didn't even accept children in the rooms so I ended up going alone and having an awful time - and that was just one kid

Emmz1510 · 18/04/2024 19:30

Yes it’s an unavoidable consequence of having a child free wedding. What people don’t seem to realise as well is that if they invite a lot of members of the same family, they are all going to have the same issues as their pool of potential childcare is also going!

Mamabear487 · 18/04/2024 19:31

It’s her own fault really if it’s awkward and she was aware that so many would need childcare. We decided on a childfree wedding (before we booked a venue) and now we have done a total 360 and have 27 kids coming to our wedding abroad because I’d rather everyone there

blacksax · 18/04/2024 19:32

My diagnosis is that the bride is a twit.

What did she expect all these people to do with all their children?

themadhat · 18/04/2024 19:34

I’m in a similar position with a child free wedding this year. I agree it up to the couple but I find it very sad. It’s not really what it’s about and most of the fond memories from my wedding were the kids dancing and we didn’t have children at that point. I don’t think the bride should be surprised not everyone has childcare or wants to leave their children overnight.

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/04/2024 19:44

mindutopia · 16/04/2024 12:10

Yes, it's to be expected that guests can't attend if you give them too many hurdles to jump in order to get there.

We have friends who had a childfree wedding abroad and dh had to go on his own (was best man) as we at the time had a small baby (and no overnight childcare anyway). They now have 2 small children (baby and toddler) and were recently complaining to me about another friend having a childfree wedding, and how selfish it is to have a childfree wedding because it makes it so hard for people to attend. 🙄They obviously don't mean to be so clueless, but when you don't have children or when you have family who can provide childcare, you just don't think these things through.

Edited

Did you point out to them that that was what they did too? And if not, how have you resisted?!

ThePenguinIsDrunk · 18/04/2024 19:47

Absolutely to be expected, particularly if it's so far away as not only do you have the cost of transport/accommodation overnight childcare will not be cheap.

Anabella321 · 18/04/2024 19:53

If it's mostly cousins can't one or two of their non-related spouses mind the children overnight? Or the parents/family of the spouse? Maybe attend part of the day if 2 nights away is too much?

Or can't the cousins attend and their spouses mind their own children? Seems a bit much that so many can't attend.

MountCaramel · 18/04/2024 19:56

The bridal couple don't have the right to be hurt and upset if the guests can't attend. They have planned the wedding they wanted despite the fact that it was difficult for some guests to attend due to the restrictions placed by the couple. They got what they wanted so they should accept it gracefully now.

Nonewclothes2024 · 18/04/2024 20:01

@mindutopia did you remind them about their wedding? I couldn't have stopped myself.

Noseybookworm · 18/04/2024 20:03

It's sad that the bride is upset but it shouldn't come as a surprise that people can't attend because of childcare.

ineedtostopbeingdramaticfirst · 18/04/2024 20:11

I love a child free wedding but for family it's hard if all your babysitters are attending the wedding it means you can't go.

Doone22 · 18/04/2024 21:14

Oh dear another bride who doesn't get the world doesn't revolve around her.
It's also ridiculous offensive and rude to ban kids from a family event. You reap what you sow in this respect. After all if you're not interested in celebrating with family (kids are family too) then just elope. Would you attend a wedding that banned old people? Or disabled?

godmum56 · 18/04/2024 22:17

yup. Choices have consequences. One of the great things about being an adult is making your own choices. One of the less great things is dealing with the consequences.

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