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Original poster

Another wedding one ...

275 replies

what2dooooooo · 16/04/2024 11:40

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

OP posts:
CrispieCake · 19/04/2024 22:43

Cousins should go and their spouses should stay home with the kids.

NewName24 · 19/04/2024 22:56

There is nothing easy about leaving 2 or 3 small breastfed children. I have found going out for an evening difficult. No way would I be interested in actually going away.

True, but that is part of the choice you make when choosing to breastfeed. Which is absolutely the right decision for many parents, who make it knowing they are going to be restricted by it for the 6 months or 12 months or however long they choose to breastfeed for. But, it is a choice.

Statistically though, it must be a very tiny % of all children, or even "young children" (which I would read as under 10s) who are breast fed though.
The OP hasn't mentioned anyone breastfeeding, so I think it is reasonable to assume this isn't the barrier here.

cherryassam · 19/04/2024 23:51

We had the same thing happen in our family - one of my cousins decided to get married in the middle of nowhere, nowhere near where any of their family or friends lived, and miles from any accommodation (none at the venue). No children, and no plus ones either (my now husband who I had been with for 7 years at that point wasn’t invited, for example). Oh and it was on a Thursday of a normal working week. Unsurprisingly not many people could make it and the cousin and his bride had a hissy fit, which I never understood. Initially I thought they’d done it so they could not have any of us there but not not invite the family, if that makes any sense.

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Weddings
Emma8888 · 20/04/2024 01:50

Going to a wedding by yourself (without spouse) can be pretty miserable if you don't know lots of others. I barely know my cousins let alone their friend groups so if my spouse had to stay home with the kids, and me go alone it would likely be a no. Not to mention the cost of 2 nights in a hotel, a long drive by myself, and the other expenses that could likely pay for a family weekend away.

I (and many other friends) has on site childcare for our wedding, so kids didn't get bored (completely separate room with video games, tv, etc. for the older ones and toys / games and nannies for the little ones) and so parents could enjoy their evening. It's an easy compromise IMO.

Christy135 · 20/04/2024 06:59

People suggesting local babysitter, would you really be fine to just hand your kid off to a stranger?

RampantIvy · 20/04/2024 07:09

cherryassam · 19/04/2024 23:51

We had the same thing happen in our family - one of my cousins decided to get married in the middle of nowhere, nowhere near where any of their family or friends lived, and miles from any accommodation (none at the venue). No children, and no plus ones either (my now husband who I had been with for 7 years at that point wasn’t invited, for example). Oh and it was on a Thursday of a normal working week. Unsurprisingly not many people could make it and the cousin and his bride had a hissy fit, which I never understood. Initially I thought they’d done it so they could not have any of us there but not not invite the family, if that makes any sense.

Are people like this so self obsessed and socially unaware to not realise that prioritising an Instagram worthy backdrop over having loved ones at a wedding just isn't practical for many of the guests?

WhatNoRaisins · 20/04/2024 07:11

I reckon some people really overestimate how easy it can be for people to find overnight childcare. A lot of parents wouldn't want to leave their kids with a stranger in a strange place either.

Your wedding is only going to be massively important to yourselves and maybe your parents. There is only so much effort your cousins will make to attend.

LEWWSH · 20/04/2024 07:49

I’m surprised none of these guests have family on the other side - eg grandparents of the non-cousin to the bride - that they could send children to a sleepover with? That’s what I would do IF I was really bothered about the wedding. If I wasn’t that fussed I’d happily use the kids as a reason not to go. Personally, I think it’s very rare that young kids at a wedding are any fun for anyone. With the exception of the marrying couple having them and really providing proper children’s entertainment for kids.

ScartlettSole · 20/04/2024 08:12

You make choices about your wedding. Be it no kids or picking a week day. The people who really want to be there, will be there. She is allowed to be upset but ultimately id say anyone who really matters to her, will be there and she wont notice who isnt on the day.

Guests are allowed to decline for whatever reason, thats also valid and their choice.

RampantIvy · 20/04/2024 08:13

I’m surprised none of these guests have family on the other side

I'm surprised that so many people assume that people do.

A lot of us have lost parents or have parents that are too elderly to look after young grandchildren, or don't live anywhere near family, or have had children long after their friends have and don't know any other parents with young children that they can ask.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 20/04/2024 08:15

It is absolutely fine to have a child free wedding,
Its also absolutely fine for guests to decline the invite.

Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions · 20/04/2024 08:17

Oh and as for mid week weddings.
Yes you go for it but do not expect guests to go for it too
People who work can’t always get time off.

ScartlettSole · 20/04/2024 08:19

Snugglemonkey · 19/04/2024 22:22

There is nothing easy about leaving 2 or 3 small breastfed children. I have found going out for an evening difficult. No way would I be interested in actually going away.

Show quote history

Unless someone has twins or triplets, whos leaving 2 or 3 breastfed children?!? 😳

RampantIvy · 20/04/2024 08:23

Yes, I wondered as well @ScartlettSole
Grin

Willmafrockfit · 20/04/2024 08:25

with some many family members with children they should have thought more sensibly if they are going to get upset that people cant come.

ZenNudist · 20/04/2024 08:27

I got invited to a childfree wedding abroad. Had a great time. Took family with us to look after dc, booked a hideously expensive villa for all of us, and a separate hotel on the night of the wedding. When we walked out onto this beautiful terrace, which was all blue sea and sky in the background, we knew why they had chosen such an inconvenient and expensive location. They also had lovely food in a fab restaurant.

I think it's a shame if family are punishing B&G for having a child free wedding. I've always managed to make them work. So if all of DH's side have been at the wedding, then my family have babysat, etc. It's surprising given enough notice, and if it's UK, that people wouldn't try and go. As long as a lovely venue and nice hospitality are chosen, it will be a memory for life for everyone.

RampantIvy · 20/04/2024 08:37

I think it's a shame if family are punishing B&G for having a child free wedding.

@ZenNudist They aren't "punishing" them Hmm
It just isn't practical or doesn't work for them. Not everyone can afford to take the family to stay in a hideously expensive villa, then swan off to spend a night in another hotel for a wedding. It's rather tone deaf to suggest this TBH.

Personally, I prefer to celebrate with my loved ones around me than go to a beautiful location that hardly anyone cannot afford to go to to attend.

A family member got married last year in her town's register office, then went on to a local tapas bar for the food and drink. We all had a brilliant time. Spending quality time with my scattered family was lovely and much more important than a blue sea backdrop.

We were lucky enough to enjoy one of the few weekends of good weather as well.

whackadoowhackadoowhackaday · 20/04/2024 08:38

ZenNudist · 20/04/2024 08:27

I got invited to a childfree wedding abroad. Had a great time. Took family with us to look after dc, booked a hideously expensive villa for all of us, and a separate hotel on the night of the wedding. When we walked out onto this beautiful terrace, which was all blue sea and sky in the background, we knew why they had chosen such an inconvenient and expensive location. They also had lovely food in a fab restaurant.

I think it's a shame if family are punishing B&G for having a child free wedding. I've always managed to make them work. So if all of DH's side have been at the wedding, then my family have babysat, etc. It's surprising given enough notice, and if it's UK, that people wouldn't try and go. As long as a lovely venue and nice hospitality are chosen, it will be a memory for life for everyone.

It doesn't sound like guests are punishing the bridge and groom!

Not everyone can afford a hugely expensive hotel too, especially in the current financial climate!

Thisbastardcomputer · 20/04/2024 08:50

In the days when weddings weren't treated like Hollywood productions and didn't cost ridiculous amounts, they were much more enjoyable and child friendly.

RainIsCosy · 20/04/2024 08:52

It's not a punishment for the B and G. Sometimes it's just not practical to go to a wedding you need to travel to. We've had to turn down two for very close family. One was angry, one was upset, but it was the consequence of their choices that we couldn't come. The bride can be disappointed but it's to be expected. The sheer number of declines from people with young children should clue her in that there is an actual issue for young families here.

Crazycrazylady · 20/04/2024 09:23

Honestly what I don't understands is why all the cousins don't just go and leave their partners are home. I'd love a knees up with my cousins reminiscing over our childhood.
I actually think it's pretty crap that people aren't willing to make an effort.

MsRosley · 20/04/2024 09:37

Jeez, when did being a bride involve so much self absorption?

AnonoMisss · 20/04/2024 09:39

Justlovedogs · 18/04/2024 19:27

100% this and to be expected. Can't have your cake and eat it

Show quote history

Depends on the friends and family. I had a child free wedding only 1 evening guest couldn't come (due to baby sitting issue) it was perfect.

AnonoMisss · 20/04/2024 09:40

MsRosley · 20/04/2024 09:37

Jeez, when did being a bride involve so much self absorption?

Geez when did people become so critical of others choices.

MsRosley · 20/04/2024 09:43

AnonoMisss · 20/04/2024 09:40

Geez when did people become so critical of others choices.

Show quote history

When they're posted on a public forum to ask people their opinion.

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