Another wedding one ...

[what2dooooooo]

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

That’s lucky for them. Not everyone has a big family, not everyone has a good relationship with their family, some people have family but for reasons such as ill health they can’t help with childcare.

Putting the extra expense aside, is it always chaos when dc attend a wedding? I'm just wondering about that as I remember what fun it was as a child to attend something as special as a wedding, dressing up smart, new outfit etc. I've not been to a wedding for years, so don't really know how it goes these days, but I sort of like the fun that dc bring. Do some wedding venues stipulate no dc?

Prioritising your own family is not punishing the B&G

You’re deliberately twisting the issue. If you’re going to have a child free wedding then you cannot be offended by people with children declining. An invite is just that - not a mandate

Bride and grooms like this are just stupid. Do they think children can just disappear for a while whilst their parents travel hours away for their 'special day'. They either invite the kids or accept that the parents can't go.

Yup, child free weddings where a critical mass of guests have young children are like destination weddings where a critical mass of people don't have a lot of spare money/freedom to travel - it's your call, but you need to expect, and respect, that you may get a lot of people who can't come.

Or all 3 😆

When someone invites guests to any event then stipulates that those guests children aren't included in the invite it's a chance they take that sometimes people will decline their offer.
So although she may be upset it's somewhat through her own doing.

There's nothing to say they can't exclude, its their prerogative to do so.
However, you have DC and don't want to leave them at home it's also your prerogative to refuse without worrying about feeling bad.

If children aren’t invited then obviously a lot of parents won’t be able to attend. The bride has no right to be upset. She can’t have it both ways. Not only is she banning children from her wedding, she also doesn’t think family members should be allowed to look after their own children while her wedding is happening? People like this really annoy me. Quite entitled behaviour in my opinion.

Are child free weddings an English thing? Or is it a modern thing? Is it to keep down costs or to ensure the wedding looks Instagram perfect with no sticky fingers or wailing children in the background? Not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious as the few weddings I've been to have included children and they are usually the stars of the show! Cute little outfits and hair dos, enthusiastic dancing, the sound of children laughing and playing, babies getting passed around different family members. I imagine it's stressful for the parents though.

i agree @Isopodia

The bride (and groom) make their choices, the guests can't meet their request. What they did expect and the time of setting their requests?
No everyone can have two nights out or childcare on demand.

She is upset isn't she? She will be fine.

We had children at our wedding. All went fine. No screaming toddlers.

At the reception, I booked a separate room with a couple of nannies to look after the children so the adults could mingle and have fun.

Later on, the children either joined their parents at the buffet, or they all went home.

It was a lovely, inclusive day.

All but one of the weddings I’ve been to have had children at them. And yet - no screaming during the vows and no running around during the reception.

The wedding which was child free had quite a lot of “where’s [various cousins] husband/wife?” The groom’s grandmother was quite elderly and thought that some of her great nieces & nephews had maybe split without her knowing and it had to be explained to her that they were looking after the children. Her response “Well who wouldn’t bring their children to a family wedding?” I was a friend of the bride and DH a friend of the groom so I attended the service and the meal then went home and took over childcare, DH went to the evening reception. Fortunately it was local.
🤷‍♀️

It's tricky when so many weddings also involve travel. It's not about judging or punishing but sometimes it is simply too much bother for people with childcare to arrange and limited money and leave.

That's because your wedding was local. The wedding the OP is talking about isn't local.

I went to a wedding about 10 years ago which had a large amount of children. The bride and friends was at that age where everyone had small children so it was understandable. My god it was chaos though. A lot of it was just bad luck though. There was one child shouting throughout the ceremony that they wanted to go home. One ran up past the bride and groom during the ceremony and was trying to get through a door at the back so the ceremony had to be paused while the child was retrieved and carried back to their seat screaming.
Then during the dinner one child projectile vomited all over the table and people's dinners. And another climbed on their chair and fell off smashing their front teeth on the table and they had to leave to get medical attention. There was so much blood everywhere.
At my own wedding a few years later I would have ideally preferred child free. The experience at that wedding was one reason. But also I had gone through 4 failed IVF treatments in the previous 3 years and didn't like to be reminded of what I might never have (and as it turned out, never could). But in order for people to attend I sucked up my own feelings and invited children. Luckily everyone with very small children said they'd rather come without them so the youngest was 5. And the 15 children that did come (aged between 5-12) were actually very well behaved and I'm glad they were there as they had fun.

I don't know who these parents are who don't try and control their children. No-one I know would have let their DC ruin someone else's wedding.

My niece was just short of two years old when we got married. We also had 5 other children all under the age of 10 there, and not one of them behaved badly. I didn't here a peep out of my niece during the ceremony.

Maybe all these "bridezillas" have friends who don't parent their children?

Meh. People can have the wedding they choose- fine.
People can choose not to go if its inconvenient- fine.

I dont really understand the histrionics here- attendance at weddings isnt mandatory and using the word "punishment" is just a ridiculous and hysterical overreaction. If I cant leave work to go and see my friend for a coffee does that mean I am "punishing" her? dont be so ridiculous and dramatic.

People have lives and they cant always drop everything to arrange their lives around other people's celebratory decisions. Thats life I'm afraid. Get used to it- otherwise life is going to prove very difficult for you and you will feel permanently punished and attacked by others.

This is so blindingly obvious that I wonder if either this is a reverse, or if the OP is the bride.

Personally I don't get why you'd want a child-free wedding.

A few posts up I explained why I personally would have preferred it. I didn't do it, but it's what I would have ideally wanted if it wouldn't have caused issues. But I put my comfort and happiness to the side in favor of my guests in the end.

I dont.I have imagination and empathy.I can imagine people's issues with children and mobility.its called being human

Personally is the important word here .

of course there will be people that can’t attend and the bride should not feel upset . But I can’t believe no one ever has baby sitters or go out ever when they have children . It entirely depends on age . And a lot of parents may be glad of a boozy night out without the children . Not everyone is the same .

How weird . Normally everyone preaching have your wedding as you want , be individual , don’t pamper to others . Now if you want a proper party then you are a bridezilla?