Another wedding one ...

[what2dooooooo]

My husband's niece is getting married and they've said no children at the wedding. I totally get this and it's their choice.

As the wedding is a number of hours drive from where her family live, and most of those who have been invited (cousins) have young children, they can't attend as they can't get overnight child care. It's also an early start so guests need to be away from home for two nights.

Everyone is sad they can't attend, but the bride is hurt and upset.

Is this to be expected?

Ah the entitled parent who thinks the world revolves around their reproductive choices...

I had a child free wedding, everyone came it was amazing! No screaming kids during the vows, no running around at the reception etc

Bliss!

Was it a destination wedding @AnonoMisss?

Why should they?

In the situation in the OP, we would prioritize getting DH to the wedding.
Less close relationships, we would decline.

Brides are entitled to invite who they invite. Guests are free to decline. But saying neither of you can attend due to childcare is a bit extreme.

Why? This is on the bride.

its the natural consequence of having a child free wedding. I’ve only been to one child free wedding and, funnily enough, the couple now have a child and have a real sulk if their child isn’t invited to EVERYTHING.

Exactly. I had a child free wedding. 5 out of 8 of my bridesmaids had children, they all managed to attend for the weekend, 2 live quite far from me. They had 2 years notice 😂
One group of friends chose to make it a girls night and leave their partners at home for child care.
I had one moan but it was my husband brother and honestly i wouldnt mind him not attending 🙈

It comes back to, if they want to go, they will. If they dont, they wont.

Would you have complained if they hadn't wanted to go, though? The unreasonable thing isn't having the child free wedding, it is complaining that people don't want to attend. I am saying this as someone without children and who isn't particularly fond of children.

This

Especially if the couple marrying are younger than cousins etc / are marrying later than cousins etc.

They’ve decided this (fine, their wedding their decision) but have not considered the knock on consequences.

When our children were younger we’d have struggled with overnight child care and so would have declined the invitation.

Depending on which side of the family it was then either MIL/siblings would have been at the wedding or my parents too far away + probably working.

I wonder if the invitations will be revised?

That’s my idea of hell ! Some if us actually like having the whole family in a life event, including children

It says the brides upset, and thats fair she is allowed to be upset. Complaining is different. Unless its someone whos plenty childcate, out every weekend on the lash and suddenly has "no childcare" then i could see why the bride would complain 😂

Have the wedding you want but you should not be upset when your choices result in polite no thank yous! So the bride in this case is unreasonable for being annoyed that people have declined the invitation.

I personally would not have been able to attend several weddings when my dc were children as I didn't have local childcare overnight and my parents were still working

This. Have whatever kind of bloody wedding you want but you cant then get pissy because people cant attend. Holy crap- it doesnt take a genius to work this out.

A child-free wedding that’s far away from where most people live and an early start! Talk about putting barriers up for people to jump over! If the bride wasn’t apparently upset, I’d wonder if it was actually a strategic tactic to keep numbers and costs down!

I mean it's organising a babysitter...not a major hoop in my opinion

This is very presumptive and assumes everyone has available family willing and able to do the childcare.

Not everyone does. Out of me and my friends, none of us had grandparents or family we could rely on to babysit. If you have, think yourself lucky! I dont want to leave my young kids overnight with someone I dont know. I have every right to make that decision just as much as the bride and groom can have any kind of wedding they choose. Noone is forced to attend a wedding

She's allowed to be upset, but it was a bit of an own goal. I think she didn't think it through properly.

And that's fine.

Its the expectation everyone else should feel the same that's the issue.

Not everyone wants to be around children, especially not on their wedding day.

what on earth is wrong with people that they dont want children at their weddings?

I think it's a shame if family are punishing B&G for having a child free wedding

It's not punishment LMAO. You could equally argue by this rationale that B&G are "punishing" those who have had kids 😆

my wedding reception was in dm house, and she didnt want children
but her friends bought their grandchildren, which was a bit unfair.

I am so happy it worked out for you too that's amazing! And we were the same, lots of notice and early invites too! Lol at husbands brother 🤣 😂 😅

I'd been to other weddings where children screamed through the vows and I just didn't want that.

People still say to this day it was the best day so it was definitely the right choice for us.

I would have said 'you did the same thing to me and Baby X when you had your wedding, and that's how I felt', when she literally complained about the exact same thing she'd done to you.

I do hope you said something!

When my DC were small we didn't have babysitters, especially for two nights.

Nor could we have afforded to go anyway if we had to stay away

How about the cost of having to stay?

What on earth is wrong with people not understanding not everyone wants to be around children?

The entitlement that everyone should share your view is off the chain.