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Original poster

Extent some people go to satisfy their want for a child

211 replies

kaffeine123 · 15/04/2024 20:27

This is going to come across as judgmental but I’m finding it a bit shocking the extent some people go to, to satisfy their yearning for a baby.

I’ve read a thread today which made me shocked at some of the comments encouraging this lady to separate and have a second child, even if it ends her relationship and is not in the best interest of her first child! There are other threads like this too.

If you cannot provide for the child emotionally and financially, when does the yearning for a baby become selfish and it should instead be a matter for a therapist to work through in coming to acceptance.

I know someone who is planning her second child at 45/46 which will involve IVF and she is already in significant debt from the treatment for the first and childcare fees. I just think why! Try and be happy with what you have.

I have never felt this level of yearning for a child, but I can only assume it is a feeling so powerful that it makes you unable to look at this logically (am I too old to have a child, can I afford to have another child, is my mental health robust enough to have another child)

OP posts:
dimllaishebiaith · 17/04/2024 00:41

HummingbirdChandelier · 16/04/2024 22:43

Is infertility really a medical condition? Or just part of life?

Well that's a fairly ridiculous statement on so many levels that I cant even be bothered to point out the obvious to you.

ludocris · 17/04/2024 07:07

ItDoesntHaveToBeDave · 17/04/2024 00:05

It just beggars belief to me that the decision to make and raise a child can be considered selfish

I couldn't disagree more.

Having a child is the most selfish thing we can do. We are totally thinking of ourselves, our wants, our needs. That child wouldn't exist but for our thinking of ourselves.
The "raising a child" bit, yes, I can agree with, that you cant be selfish then if you really care properly for the child. But the "making" bit is selfish

Fostering/ adoption is different. As the child already exists, so you are thinking of another, already born, person.

Do you think all other animals are selfish to reproduce?

ludocris · 17/04/2024 07:09

@GoodnightAdeline I assume from your comments that you oppose the use of both egg and sperm donors, and presumably consider it immoral for gay and lesbian couples to conceive via IVF?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
WithACatLikeTread · 17/04/2024 07:11

HummingbirdChandelier · 16/04/2024 22:43

Is infertility really a medical condition? Or just part of life?

Yes because parts of the body don't work as they should do. If your thyroid doesn't work properly that is a medical condition so why not if your ovaries don't?

RampantIvy · 17/04/2024 07:13

@ludocris looking at it objectively, of course deciding to have children is selfish because we have the means not to if we don't want them. Animals don't. Obviously not all children are planned though.

All of your posts are very angry and defensive.

ludocris · 17/04/2024 07:13

Yes, I do find it selfish. Do you not ever find other people selfish? I know somebody else who has 5 sons in a 2 bedroom house and she is open about the fact she will keep having babies until she has a girl. Is that selfish in your eyes?

@GoodnightAdeline this is not the same thing. You don't have a biological urge to have a child of a specific sex, so that's not what's happening here. I don't know that I'd use the word 'selfish' but I wouldn't defend the mothers decision to keep having children in order to try to have a daughter at the cost of her existing sons.

ludocris · 17/04/2024 07:16

RampantIvy · 17/04/2024 07:13

@ludocris looking at it objectively, of course deciding to have children is selfish because we have the means not to if we don't want them. Animals don't. Obviously not all children are planned though.

All of your posts are very angry and defensive.

Are they? I've seen some posts on this thread that are a lot more angry, but they happen to be those who are on the other side of the argument. Funny that...

GoodnightAdeline · 17/04/2024 07:17

RampantIvy · 17/04/2024 07:13

@ludocris looking at it objectively, of course deciding to have children is selfish because we have the means not to if we don't want them. Animals don't. Obviously not all children are planned though.

All of your posts are very angry and defensive.

They are indeed. It isn’t the law that people have to agree with donor egg/sperm and usually those that don’t have good reasons.

ludocris · 17/04/2024 07:33

@GoodnightAdeline perfect example of cognitive bias. You and @RampantIvy think my posts are angry and defensive because you read them in a certain way and because you disagree with my views. If you take a step back and read back over some of the other posts you'll see what I mean.

GoodnightAdeline · 17/04/2024 11:44

You don’t seem to have any views as such so there’s nothing for me to disagree with, just vehement opposition to anybody who thinks some circumstances are just unacceptable to have a baby in.

ludocris · 17/04/2024 12:26

GoodnightAdeline · 17/04/2024 11:44

You don’t seem to have any views as such so there’s nothing for me to disagree with, just vehement opposition to anybody who thinks some circumstances are just unacceptable to have a baby in.

😁 OK.

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