Anyone else struggling to find meaning in life and wondering what it's all about?

[Mumonceremoved]

Middle aged and generally just wondering what the point of it all is.

Why are we here?
What's the meaning of life?
What even is happiness?

Anyone else just feeling meh about the day to day drudgery and futility of it all?

Or if you did feel this way, how did you manage to snap out of it?

Is it normal?

Typo mistake Leisure *

I recently discovered the term anhedonia and felt at home.
It's not a depression, it's just feeling like everything is 'meh' and a little pointless.

I read a book 'Felling Blah?' which gave tips on how to get through it and find glimmers again. Would recommend.
Maybe worth a google.

I know that without religion, I would feel the same, because really, what would be the point in anything if our extremely short time on earth was all there was?

Hehe - love this - good answer

Could you maybe keep it down a bit? Sense the tone? Your posts are as tone deaf as whoever posted earlier saying they are grateful for doing the weeding.

I hear you OP.

Maybe we are ‘languishing’ - not depressed, but not exactly flourishing either

https://www.penguin.co.uk/books/459771/languishing-by-keyes-corey/9781911709589

There isn't really a meaning as such. The majority of us will exist and die without really leaving much of a mark.

All you can do is create your own little world of people you love and things that make you happy. And there will also be work and drudgery thrown in.

The key to being happy is gratitude. If you are grateful for what you have- a nice home, kids, partner, pets, money (or whatever you have) then being happy follows.

You should also consider if you are depressed and if so seek some help.

I think we have to choose our own meaning, or choose what is meaningful for us.

The author above suggests five activities that are known to increase happiness, gratitude etc - all positive feelings. These are :

helping others
learning something new
playing
engaging in spiritual or religious practices
socialising

But you have to actively choose to engage in them, they won’t just happen if you are stuck in languishing.

I have always pondered on this from a very young age.

I decided to have counselling and it opened up a whole new world I was missing. I was miserable because I was effectively living my life serving everyone else - I was doing nothing to feed my own soul. At the beginning I couldn’t even identify what I wanted to do, or what I needed from life. I had lost myself to such a degree. But with lots of work I managed to reconnect with my inner self and my life dramatically improved, and I started to live my life for me. I stripped out and delegated as much of the drudge as I could possibly, that really helped! I never cook anything that takes longer than 15 minutes for example, I expect others to clean and help tidy up, I do the rock bottom bare basics so I can get on with things that are fun and joyful. To be playful and laugh. Feel relaxed. The world is more than enough when you can meet it with an open and nurtured heart.

I changed everything to reflect my inner world - my needs and dreams. It was life changing.

You need to look inside, not outside - that’s where the answers lie.

Yes, be like a cat!
I suspect that the main thing which they think is 'What shall I do today?'

We had a discussion at work one day about this. A young colleague was being a lazy pita, he was pulled up about it, he then said 'I don't want to work, it's a waste of a short life'
Asked how he intended to live without work, obviously he didn't really have an answer, but we pointed out that at no point without being independently wealthy does anyone do what they want and when without restrictions.
I wonder if the-
'you can do anything you want when you grow up'
'work hard and you can achieve anything'
'aim for a good career'
mantras are actually contributing to poor MH and this type of mindset when we grow up, and for a huge majority, it is bullshit.

I found Eckhart Tolle's book 'The Power of Now' really helpful. I can turn to any page and find something which helps bring me back to clarity when I'm feeling low.

I’ve thought it all pointless since I was a kid.

It’s why I’ve never had any ambition to work. When I was at school (a v high pressured, academic grammar), everyone would talk about going to university to get these wonderful careers. They wanted to be surgeons, work in law.

I never saw the point. You study all hours - I didn’t like studying. You get a job and work - to make more money for huge organisations that couldn’t give a shit about you. or you have some sort of calling to help other people - I never gave a shit about anyone else, let alone wanted to help people. You earn lots of money so you can buy stuff - I don’t like stuff and clutter.

There was no reward in any of it for me. It all seemed so fucking pointless from day one.

I felt like this a lot as a teen and have had bouts throughout life. What has helped, if I get there is kind of what other posters have said:

1. There is no meaning. We're ultimately animals who flatter ourselves that we are superior and have invented all sorts of fancy ideas to either ourselves.
2. Pretty sure my grandparents and earlier didn't have the luxury of pondering the meaning of life, because they were just surviving. So I'm lucky I can contemplate it.
3. Humans are meant to have some level of discontent otherwise we'd stagnate. That's why even when we have everything we thought we've wanted, we still want something else.
4. Find the joy in small things: time to go to bed and read; listening to a bird sing (and then finding out what bird); seeing your flowers bloom.

I don't know whether it's my age or having kids getting older or what, but apart from perinmenopausal mood swings, I'm probably more accepting of life as it is than I ever have been.

I think everyone has the existential crisis you are experiencing at some point. For me it came in my 20s.
However, for me, I have learnt that it is a choice i make and I do not indulge those tnoughts any longer.
So what if I don’t know why I’m here? Why do I need to know that? I am here that is it. I just need to live in the moment as much as I can and engage with life and choose to not engage with thoughts that take me nowhere but to feeling a sense of futility.

There is a fine line between this way of thinking and depression which is can be caused by repressed anger.
if this is the case then I think seeing a counsellor may help.

I don't really care about the why to be honest.

I care that nothing feels enough - I mean the ideas on here of walking, hearing a bird sing, a nice cup of tea, doing a bit of weeding are somehow fulfilling ways to spend this time on earth...

It makes me sad. Is this seriously actually it.

Honestly I don't think there is a "reason" as such.

I think in the past people could distract themselves with religion. I don’t think religion always brought out the best in men, but for many women it allowed a quiet purpose as they went about their daily drudgery: my reward is in eternity.

Someone said upthread that we are very materially-focused in the West. We have lost our spiritual dimension. I’m an atheist, so there is limited opportunity for me to really find one. I do think this malaise - which I often share - is because of our focus on the material life. The meaning of life for many used to be eternal reward in an afterlife. Now it’s maxing out our pension pots. And to what end?

We’ve become too cerebral and empirical. We need to rediscover the transcendental and numinous. I have no idea how.

I'm starting to feel like this anxiety hoping that HRT will help. I'm almost 50 and feel like I've hit a brick wall of misery and meh-ness.

It’s just an accident/chance that we’re here. Very lucky in my view. So just have fun. We are so insignificant, nothing matters. So just have a good time and be a good person so that others can have a good time around you.

I care that nothing feels enough - I mean the ideas on here of walking, hearing a bird sing, a nice cup of tea, doing a bit of weeding are somehow fulfilling ways to spend this time on earth...

I think we each need to decide what “enough” is, I find fulfilment in my DC, my job is meaningful, I have good relationships with people who matter to me, I have a good enough balance of drudgery and fun. I don’t need a bigger house, bigger car etc I’m mostly satisfied with what I have.

Sometimes a good cup of tea, a walk in nature etc help ground me. I think always chasing the next thing breeds dissatisfaction which in turn breeds “what’s the point”.

I think it's unfair to dismiss religion as 'distraction'. I'm an atheist too, but I can recognise the beneficial aspects of mass religious beliefs: community to be part of and be supported by, shared beliefs and values, feeling of being part of a bigger 'whole'. I can certainly see why we've turned away from it, but we've lost a lot in doing so.

The author I mentioned above suggests that if religion or spirituality don't sit well with you then philosophy might be an alternative. I've read a lot about Stoicism in the recent past, and I want to pick it up and maybe do an online course.

Of course, I suspect a lot of my malaise would vanish if I could get off my bloody phone.

When I googled languishing, a lot of the references were to the pandemic and people struggling through that - a period where we were all cut off from each other and our communities, and our attention was taken over by devices etc instead. I don't know if it's all down to that, but I do remember feeling so detached, flat, just like my emotions had been turned off, during the lockdowns.

This is me too. I turn 50 this year and have found contentment in place of anxiety.

I don't think being told 'other people have it worse' is ever helpful.

I agree. My point about women in Afghanistan was in response to pp talking about how people make life shit for the majority.

Although most of us on this thread have one thing the women in Aghanistan and other god forsaken societies don't have and that is agency. The option to change our situation or at least improve it.

I get so much fulfilment from my job. I feel like I'm good at it and I really make a difference to people. Without that, I think I'd be less happy in general.

I also lean into small feelings of contentment like walking in nature or spending quality time with good friends.