Taking children of 5 and under to places they won't enjoy

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

DB and SIL have a 5 (almost 6) year old DS and a 5 month old. SIL's DP's live at the other end of the country to her so she sees them in the holidays and some weekends.

During these holidays, the DP's sometimes go away with DB, SIL and the DC but usually to cultural places, and on holidays which are often cultural. The cultual places are often for SIL and her DP's who like this a lot. Their DS often gets bored though he does like the odd museum/stately home etc. His grandmother will often complain about DS's behaviour when he's at the cultural places (he behaves very well though generally there). They sometimes but don't often factor in playtime at parks. He'd be much happier with his other grandparents (my DP's) where they take him to playparks and child friendly museums etc or with his other cousins of a similar age where they do lots of outdoor activities.

Do you think it's unfair to drag a young child around to these places when it's obvious they don't enjoy it and get bored?

Children need to learn to be bored and that not everything revolves around them and you need to suck it up learn to behave.

It's important to be bored and to learn the world doesn't revolve around you as long as it's not all the time.

Yes, but this seems to be every time the grandparents suggest a short break/holiday it's always to a cultural place, or almost always. Where the vast majority of the time is in a museum or a place he won't find interesting.

He gets this and behaves very well for his age. He's a very active child who likes other children's company.

That's mainly what we did when we were children. Stately homes and museums etc. I do t remember it being boring and I love them as an adult.

And as PP's said, it's good for kids to be bored.

I did the same. Just a lot of these places (Ashmolean etc) won't be fun for a child that age.

How often are these short breaks and holidays happening?

Presumably his entire time outside of school isn't taken up with museum visits?

He'll be learning this is what he does with his GPs, and gaining the much-vaunted cultural capital, learning how to behave in all sorts of different places, picking up bits of random info, and learning how to enjoy himself even when its not something he would have chosen. Broadening his horizons would be a way for putting it.

The "vast majority" of his time isn't with his GPs, is it?

It’s bad luck the child doesn’t like this sort of thing. They should do a few more playground/park visits, but not give up on the NT property and museum type stuff. There should be a balance as it’s everyone’s holiday

So OP you obviously want us to say your parents are much better grandparents who understand what children need etc etc. But I think it’s great for dc to go to different places, and learn how to be in a whole range of environments. He will be getting a huge amount out of the cultural stuff even if he sometimes gets bored at the moment. How lucky is this boy that he gets a whole range of experiences from all his grandparents.

A lot of these places have child friendly trails and do go to some effort to make it child friendly.

I'm a bit of a culture vulture myself and have dragged my kids around many many museums and cultural places.

I don't see the problem as long as it's part of a mix of activities in the child's life.

They often spot interesting things anyway - I remember my 5 year olds loving the jade jewellery at the Shanghai museum.

I disagree with a lot of these replies. You should take everyone's preferences in to account, and not spend hours somewhere boring for children. If we go somewhere like a National Trust place our children know that after we have visited the house or whatever, we will head to the playground. If there are lots of adults, we might split up and 1 person take them. Other days are more kid focused e.g. a farm with soft play. They get plenty of time to be bored at home, where they have access to toys/paper etc to figure out ways to entertain themselves. That's harder to do in a museum. Plus I would get bored at some of those places myself.

This.

I think it’s ok to ‘drag’ children around stuff they’re not interested in some of the time, but a balance would be good. Perhaps your brother could suggest he takes the kid to the playground for a bit while SIL and her parents admire the 100th portrait of Lord Somebody?

I don’t think you should get involved though - not your circus…

its no fun for me as a parent to drag my kids to places that have no interest to them

not sure I get 'it's good to be bored' bollox

I thought you're going to say they are taking them to work with them. Lol.

Stately homes and museums sounds wonderful. And these places often cater for families. I'd be very surprised if there's nothing kid friendly there.

My mother loved museums and national trust properties and I was dragged round many a boring place as a child/teenager. I don’t do this with my child, though mostly because my childhood visits put me off and I don’t enjoy them as an adult!! We have gone to museums but I make sure to choose child friendly ones eg ones which have hands on displays, or a trail of things to look for.

I would find it frustrating trying to enjoy somewhere like that with a whinging child in tow anyway! My child is generally well behaved but standing around looking at stuff that doesn’t interest you when you are too young to read the information is legitimately boring in my opinion.

Took our kids to such places when they were little and they often had playgrounds and areas - they seem to enjoy it still ask as teen to go such places and one ended up in that area for degree.

Just because you disliked it as a child doesn't mean it's inappropriate - beside which if the parents are unhappy they can negotiated with the GP that side as to what activities they do with them and their child.

How intesting it is is down to the adults though and their attitude.

Last year teen DD and I were at Hampton Court she loved it and spent ages looking at the art work. We were in a gallery when a teacher of a similarly aged school group poked his head around the door and said "Oh, it's just more paintings, nothing interesting in here". So those children were already told that the art was boring and skipped it. Had the teacher walked in with a more positive attitude, got the children to pick their favourite painting and why etc and generally engaged them then it wouldn't be boring

Either way he will learn that when with GPs A and B he does these things and X is how you behave, I don't think I've ever been to a museum or stately home that doesn't have a play area or children's interactive bits.

When he is with GP C and D he does Y and he behaves in a different way.

5 month old is a non-mobile baby so doesn't count, they are just being carried or pushed around looking at things anyway. An almost 6 year old - is old enough to start to learn that not everything is designed and prioritised for them, and to behave appropriately when they're a bit bored. They're not a 2/3 year old it's difficult to reason with and to explain "we're going to look around X for half an hour and then do Y for a bit, have lunch and later we can stop off at the play park on the way home".

A quick look at the Ashmolean website seems to show they offer a few activities for children, so even your example doesn’t back up your argument.

Absolutely yes. I have teenagers now myself and I teach. I think in the past ten years as a society we have been all about the children. I include myself in this. It hasn't worked.

Obviously all children are different but for me, I think it's about balance and attitude.

My kids do enjoy a museum/stately home but we do actively try and find ways to get them engaged and we choose museums that fit their interests.

We also balance it with things more focussed on their interests like play parks.

its no fun for me as a parent to drag my kids to places that have no interest to them

I was thinking this too! Sounds like the perfect way to ruin a nice museum trip to me!

My childhood holidays used to be like this - our parents dragging us around various stately homes and churches. I remember the last family holiday we went on, when I was 11; my siblings and I made a pact never to go on holiday with our parents ever again 😂. We did resent that our enjoyment of the holidays wasn't considered as important as our parents'. So I do things differently with my own dcs, but how other people choose to parent is nothing to do with me. Why do you care so much?