Taking children of 5 and under to places they won't enjoy

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

DB and SIL have a 5 (almost 6) year old DS and a 5 month old. SIL's DP's live at the other end of the country to her so she sees them in the holidays and some weekends.

During these holidays, the DP's sometimes go away with DB, SIL and the DC but usually to cultural places, and on holidays which are often cultural. The cultual places are often for SIL and her DP's who like this a lot. Their DS often gets bored though he does like the odd museum/stately home etc. His grandmother will often complain about DS's behaviour when he's at the cultural places (he behaves very well though generally there). They sometimes but don't often factor in playtime at parks. He'd be much happier with his other grandparents (my DP's) where they take him to playparks and child friendly museums etc or with his other cousins of a similar age where they do lots of outdoor activities.

Do you think it's unfair to drag a young child around to these places when it's obvious they don't enjoy it and get bored?

Yeah the Ashmolean is a really nice one with kids

Depends on what it is. The opera, fair enough probably not a good choice as most kids won’t sit still and listen quietly for four hours. A museum or art gallery? Yep, DS has been taken round the British Museum and Tate Modern since he was a baby (and obviously NHM, Science Museum etc but they are more child friendly). We take him into cathedrals and castles etc when we visit other places. I accept I am not going to get two hours of silent contemplation as I might if I went alone, but he also has to accept not everything is about him.

We do go to plenty of zoos and playgrounds as well, I would say 90% of stuff we do is child-focused. And there is something he can find to interest him in most museums (bit creeped out by Egyptian mummies so we avoid that floor, but he liked the BM Viking and Stonehenge exhibitions). He doesn’t find it any more boring than being dragged round the supermarket, and plenty of kids have to do that every Saturday morning.

Oooh I meant absolutely no. We have given children too much choice, and they are spoilt and entitled as a generation. Our fault.

They take him to play parks sometimes, they just don’t centre their entire short break around the wants of a 5 year old. The reason most families wouldn’t go somewhere like this if their child is bored isn’t because they want to do something specifically for the child but more they can’t be bothered with the bad behaviour at a place the child doesn’t like. However, this is clearly a SIL bashing in thread. I could argue that your parents always taking the children to something by child centred will create self centred adults who don’t know how to put up with something they aren’t interested in when someone else is interested in it.

He'd be much happier with his other grandparents (my DP's) where they take him to playparks and child friendly museums etc or with his other cousins of a similar age where they do lots of outdoor activities

Honestly, what I’m mostly getting from this post is that you are annoyed that SIL and her parents like different things to you and your parents, and you are jealous your DN is spending so much time with them.

I had relatives like you growing up, who thought DM was getting above herself taking me to museums etc instead of sticking me in front of the tv all day. Funnily enough, I have a great relationship with DM and thoroughly enjoyed everything I did with her, and have zero relationship with the aunts and uncles who criticised her.

My MIL used to say this about her SIL & BIL and their GC - SIL could never do right in IL eyes-about coffee shops oh how daft how inappropriate, better places etc

She'd go on about daft it was taking young child to coffeehouse - thing was we'd done it with them many times - as part of a day out or way back from somewhere - kids behaved from young ages and liked it. It turned out was what SIL and BIL were doing with GC - after a busy day stopping off getting a drink and cake before heading home.

There are DGP who forget what young kids are like - I'd have said IL feel every much in that camp - but DH and I dealt with that adapting days out to suit everyone.

These adults are including the child in on activities that he might come to like ( or might actually even enjoy at the moment). They are broadening his experience.

You surely aren't suggesting that they structure their holidays around activities that a 5-y-o would choose?

You'd be hard pressed to find a museum or stately home these days that doesn't have plenty to cater for children.

We were in Liverpool at half-term and took DC to both the cathedrals. Both had great trails for them to follow but would probably be claimed as boring for children by some.

No. Kids have to learn that life isn’t 24/7 focused on them and fun.

My 3 year old gets taken to parks/ zoos/ bike rides/ kids focused stuff.
But he also gets ‘dragged’ to diy shops to buy a lawnmower, or council office to fill out a document or supermarket to buy essentials.

I think children need a balance. I have too many other things in life that need to be done as well as fun stuff, and Ds has to come with me 99% of the time as we have no grandparents to babysit.

The Ashmolean!? It would have to be a very dull child that didn't find something to like in e.g. the Egyptology dept.

(Of course, the child's experience will depend very much on how the adults behave and if they guide and explain.)

You do seem to have a very narrow view of what children are capable of.

They're mostly in the holidays.

I don't think there is anything wrong in taking young kids as long as you adapt a bit for them- use the museums kids resources, go to the playground at the stately home and so on.

My life long interest in history of art came from an aunt taking me to the National Gallery and doing the children's guidebook which had a major focus on bums which i thought was hilarious.

My parents had a rule that everyone was catered for on holiday so I might like the theme park but then I had to behave on the day we did the tram museum.

Honestly, although he does do things in museums which are fun, sometimes I think personally that spending the vast majority of the day there, is mostly for the adults benefit.

The trip they're on right now is for her parents to enjoy, it's not for him. SIL also has to go to places where again, it's old country houses, mostly focussed around work (she's on mat leave but gets paid for the odd days work).

My DP's and me actually do take him to other places than the park/playground actually, there are loads of museums and NT places where we can and do go.

Obvs the vast majority of vipers prefer to drag their children around these places though (I was dragged similarly to them too), so, I'll leave it at that.

Lol no, it is not cruel or unusual to take a 5-6 year old child along to cultural sites such as museums, galleries and stately homes. On the contrary I'd say that your nephew is very fortunate that his grandparents are giving him the opportunity to experience these places even if he (and you) do not appreciate the value of it.

I went to the Egyptian section of the Ashmolean not long ago and thought it would be awesome for kids.

Lots of mummies and some v rude willies, what's not to like?

Oh I don't deny that museums and art galleries are good. I grew up with a wide knowledge of history and art from the age of at least 5/6. And this was in the 70s when it wasn't nearly as child focussed as it is now. My faves were the gold ball in the table in the Science Museum and of course the 70s/80s space and moon and planet exhibits there too and of course the dinosaur skeletons in the NHM.

My DS is the same age. He’d choose a museum or stately home over playing football or riding a bike but he does love playing in parks. Short breaks are OK; kids have to learn that we all have to do things for other people, but I also make sure part of our days are dedicated to his needs/wants.

How very dare those adults do something for their benefit when they're on holiday!

I never said it was cruel.

He is a boisterous child though who prefers playing. I'm sure he does get the value out of these trips. At least it's not only churches like my best friend's dad subjected her to (he was Catholic but it wasn't just limited to Catholic churches) and shrines/grottos like Lourdes.

Probably an unpopular viewpoint but at 5 a child is old enough to realise that other people like different things from him.

But surely if it's your grandchild, you'd like them to do something they enjoy and with you right? His grandmother (SIL's DM) did pay for Legoland for him, but didn't go.

This ^

A cultural activity is what you make of it. If you take the time to tell the story behind artefacts and make it interesting to a 5 year old at their level, there’s no reason they shouldn’t enjoy it.

I remember my outings with my grandfather to Ely cathedral and Hampton Court much more vividly (and fondly) than random days at farms or soft play.

Yeah yeah, that point has been hammered home here well and truly thanks!

Came here to say this.

Perfectly fine to "do culture with kids. Mine went to museums, galleries, castles etc from birth, in fact NT places have some of the best playgrounds. You would really appreciate some of the other activities my kids enjoyed - classical concerts from birth (aimed at kids until 5, then full adult ones) the opera, 4&6 the first time, Shakespeare (6&8 the first time). If it was such a bad thing how comes they now go without me?