Taking children of 5 and under to places they won't enjoy

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

DB and SIL have a 5 (almost 6) year old DS and a 5 month old. SIL's DP's live at the other end of the country to her so she sees them in the holidays and some weekends.

During these holidays, the DP's sometimes go away with DB, SIL and the DC but usually to cultural places, and on holidays which are often cultural. The cultual places are often for SIL and her DP's who like this a lot. Their DS often gets bored though he does like the odd museum/stately home etc. His grandmother will often complain about DS's behaviour when he's at the cultural places (he behaves very well though generally there). They sometimes but don't often factor in playtime at parks. He'd be much happier with his other grandparents (my DP's) where they take him to playparks and child friendly museums etc or with his other cousins of a similar age where they do lots of outdoor activities.

Do you think it's unfair to drag a young child around to these places when it's obvious they don't enjoy it and get bored?

We rarely take just turned 4 yo DS on full blown, none kid oriented days out. It would be an expensive and exhausting way to all have a dreadful time. But as @Caspianberg said he’s dragged around town daily for chores and he’s expected to generally fit in on holidays. For example, on a recent trip to Derbyshire we did a whole day at Chatsworth, so lots of time in the play area and animal bit, but also in the house and garden, which he coped with okay thanks to an ice cream bribe.

We did go and do plenty that was just for us too, like theme parks and the actual park. The point is, there was lots of variety!
Just because we become parents, doesn't mean we can't enjoy life anymore. That is an unsustainable and miserable way to live.

Life is about give and take.

I can't comprehend being this interested in someone's day trips when visiting their in laws.

You sound like the bestest grandma! 💓💓💓

Why are you so invested in this. He's your nephew so no reason for you to even have an opinion. His parents are happy, he's happy. Soft play and parks are my idea of hell.

I think yhe phrasing of the original pozt is the key here. The phrase "places they won't enjoy".

How do you know a person (of whatever age) "won't enjoy" something or somewhere they've never been? It takes an incredible failure of imagination to think that a 5-y-o wouldn't find aspects of Amsterdam fascinating.

My SIL in Bavaria (with children ages with ours) once vetoed a trip to Salzburg when we were staying with them with our brood because " the children would find it boring".

So your parents dragged you around these places, but they are now sainted and perfect grandparents? Hmm.

Keep an open mind. The National Trust has really upped its game in recent years with regard to small kids. Most attractions offer activities like nature trails, treasure hunts, obstacle courses, playgrounds and dressing up for little ones. They’re not the same ‘boring’ places that we’d have visited as children.

Totally agree. In fact it's been more than ten years, it started in the 1980's and has escalated to the "cult of child". God forbid they should be bored for a single minute, or join in adult conversation, or learn necessary life skills. Worse still, they could actually learn something rather than spending their entire holiday at a water park or a Disney themed event.

My parents loved long walks.

I don't.
I hated them a child and I hate them now. We didn't do anything paid for so child friendly things were the beach (dsis hated that) or free museums (dbro hated those). We didn't do those much either. It was boring walks, being told how wonderful and wholesome they were.

As an adult I am amused to note dsis took her children to the beach regularly and dro takes his round museums.
I don't take mine on walks.

It didn't scar me too badly though.

As they’re not your children, it’s not really any of your business.

There’s nothing wrong with doing ‘cultural’ things with kids, though. Firstly, kids don’t have to be the centre of the universe and secondly, most kids are perfectly capable of enjoying things like museums, galleries, stately homes etc anyway. I’ve got loads of happy memories of going to places like that when I was a kid.

Op genuine question. How do you know so much about the ins and out of every day out they're having? Presumably you're not there all the time to witness all of this.

😄I can't think of much more boring conversations to have than the details of a siblings visit to in laws.

I think people have completely misunderstood the idea that 'it's good for kids to be bored'. It's good for kids to be bored because then (supposedly) they become really inventive and find ways to make their own fun. That's pretty difficult though if you're being dragged around a museum where you have to be quiet, walk and stay with your parents.
I think it's fine to take them round a bit to get them used to how they are expected to behave at places like that but you've got to balance it with stuff the kids are going to enjoy IMO.

A cultural activity is what you make of it. If you take the time to tell the story behind artefacts and make it interesting to a 5 year old at their level, there’s no reason they shouldn’t enjoy it.
Agree with this.

I agree with some of the posters who say that not everything has to be catered to children in a children's entertainment way. It's okay to do things where the children don't have easy engagement at their fingertips.

The days out needing to be child-centred seems to come from the same mindset where children aren't allowed to be bored, or children act up if something/someone isn't being a children's entertainer, or they moan and whine about how boring things are that don't revolve around their wants, and then parents are surprised that they're raising children who think the world revolves around them.

If he's only doing this during the trips to see the gp's I don't see the problem. It's not a regular non stop situation. It's good to learn to be bored.

You are coming across as so unreasonable it's actually funny 😀

The boy's maternal grandmother has a bad back, and grandfather is paraplegic, she is his carer. They live at the opposite end of country so don't get to see their child or grandchild regularly. And you want them ALL - grandparents included - to do things that are entertaining to a 5yo?

Have you thought that the grandmother probably doesn't get out much? That the grandfather may have limited life choices given his disability? That they miss their daughter and grandchild and want to share their interests and passions with them? That doing something they enjoy, rarely, is probably exactly the sort of respite that yet MORE caring duties (for a 5yo) would be the complete opposite of?

The boy sounds like he has a rich and varied life with his parents and both sets of grandparents. He gets a bit of everything. What exactly are you complaining about? That his grandmother - with the bad back - didn't go to Legoland WITH him, merely paid for him to go and not be held back by her? Would it shock you to hear that I, a fit and healthy mother of two, refused to EVER take my children to the Legolands and the Disneylands of the world because they're my idea of hell on earth?

Catch onto yourself, lass. You're being ridiculous!

OP thinks an elderly man in an electric wheelchair should go to play parks.

So far beyond ridiculously unreasonable it's actually laughable.

As with most things in life, it's all about balance.

@lisboa80 ...balancing the man's electric wheelchair and granny with a bad back?

OP has admitted that her parents drag the five year old around these places too!

The issue here is her mum has a cob on that the DS is spending more time with the other grandparents than he is with her, and for whatever reason OP is swooping in like a flying monkey to agree with her 🤷‍♀️

Her mum is jealous of the other set of grandparents, and has roped her in

I think that by taking kids to these kinds of places they become much more grateful to go to child-centred places later on. A day out for my child is a hike in the countryside and so he now enjoys that. On the very rare occasion that we might go to a theme park he knows it is a very special treat rather than something to expect on every holiday. This makes parenting much easier in the longer term.

Classic 1st post nailing it. It’s not all about him. These are all good life skills for him to know

I don’t really understand the issue. DNephew does plenty of other stuff when not with the grandparents (in the holidays only) and often does more active/outdoorsy things with the other side of the family.

Sounds like he has the best of everything then.