I was an absolute twat for saying this wasnt i?

[Timbucktwo98]

I was at the house of a school mum. I've known her and the 2 other women for about 3 years, friendly but not close friends.

For context, I have a mortgage and they rent. One of the womens brothers is moving house. I said 'is he buying or just renting?'.

As soon as I said it I wanted to ram the word just back into my stupid mouth. Why that came out I've no idea.

I got a sharp reply back 'yes he's just renting' with accompanying eye rolls.

I can't stop replaying it.

Errr kind of.

Fuck!! See, this is the kind of shite that falls from my fucking mouth so I feel for you OP.

Yeah, you were! Sorry!

I cba being 'friends' with people so touchy

.

I don't think it's that bad though. It's not your fault that buying is seen as a step up from renting, we are conditioned to think that way so it's just a question you asked to show polite interest in the conversation.

You lot remind me of my dear BiL😂

I assume you didn't mean anything by it but it sounds like you worded it clumsily.

Many years ago I was talking to a friend about finances and struggling with the rent. She was she was struggling with her mortgage and told me it was more important than my rent as it was a mortgage. I said we would both be homeless so what is the difference. That was a friendship not destined to last.

Oh the cringe is just so strong. You'd think I had an endless supply of friendships. I want these women to actually like me. What is wrong with me?!

We all say dumb tactless stuff sometimes, it's part of being human. You clearly meant no harm, decent people will forget about it and move on.

I didn't, I really didn't but they won't know that. They'll think I'm a prick and rightly so.

Honestly! I don’t mean anything by the crap that I say. There is literally zero nastiness, I just say stuff for conversation. I am SO socially awkward because I can’t trust my gob.

I say almost nowt and don’t join in because of it.

I will never be in the position to buy a house. I would have still used the words: "Are you buying or just renting" don't worry about it . You can't always walk egg shells.

Do you do this a lot?

I find people have a perception of people in groups. I can think of people in our mum groups who say silly things a lot and so these are more likely to be received with eye rolls whereas others who are more "popular" would get away with the odd thing.

I wonder how you saved it too.

but it's not that bad OP and the fact you are thinking about it shows you have the ability to self-reflect so you are probably not one of those annoying people who says this kind of thing all the time!

I feel like that's where I'm heading and then you get other people who say such obnoxious, controversial stuff and no one bats an eyelid.

Thank-you for saying that. You've made me feel a bit better.

I rented for many many years. I must subconsciously see buying as an achievement, it felt like a big deal when I was able to do it. I think I was gearing up to say 'wow that's brilliant, good for him'. I just can't engage my brain fast enough.

Well you've said it now so I wouldn't stress. If they are your friends they won't care. Presumably you didn't say it in an unkind way and everyone says things they kick themselves about. There's considerably worse things you could say let's face it!

There was no saving it. The conversation just moved on.

I'm a bit of an outsider, relatively new to this small town, bit lonely, I probably stink of desperation. I don't do myself any favours.

Don’t worry about it OP. We all say dumb stuff without thinking sometimes. Unless it’s a pattern of behaviour, it doesn’t make you a bad person. I’m sure, if you rack your brain, you can think of something they’ve said that could easily have been taken the wrong way? E.g. “Oh, she only works part time” or similar.

I really didn't say it in an unkind way, there was no emphasis on the word 'just'.

I need to remove my foot from my mouth and try and forget it now.

Don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all done something similar (well, I know I have countless times).

I'd have to apologise and own it - just be honest

"Hey lovely to see you today. I've been absolutely kicking myself ever since about my stupid comment about your brothers house. I'm such an idiot and just wanted to apologise. I seem to have a knack for saying things that I instantly regret and this was one of them. I'm so sorry and looking forward to seeing you at xyz / another time"

Totally. I think just relax. It's seriously so minor. Don't give it another thought.

I bet they didn't see it a crassley as you felt it and I also bet they're not still thinking about it now.