I was an absolute twat for saying this wasnt i?

[Timbucktwo98]

I was at the house of a school mum. I've known her and the 2 other women for about 3 years, friendly but not close friends.

For context, I have a mortgage and they rent. One of the womens brothers is moving house. I said 'is he buying or just renting?'.

As soon as I said it I wanted to ram the word just back into my stupid mouth. Why that came out I've no idea.

I got a sharp reply back 'yes he's just renting' with accompanying eye rolls.

I can't stop replaying it.

I rented for years.
I wouldn't have been bothered by this.
But I never saw anything wrong with renting

I've learned over the years that apologising for something minor like that, later after the event, just makes an issue out of something that wasn't an issue. The moment (if the OP felt an apology was needed which I definitely don't think it was) was right after saying it. If she apologises now she might look weird.

She said the word "just". Let's keep this in proportion.

It's not worth all this silly hand wringing.

They rolled their eyes, the conversation moved on. Sending a desperate grovelling text about using the word "just" will turn it into a big deal when they've probably already forgotten.

Just apologise, acknowledge the wording was clumsy and forget about it. Renting is sometimes considered more flexible and short term than buying a "forever home", so that's what I would have thought you meant by "just" renting. Some people will think the question is a bit condescending though, so best avoided!

I would've done this too, just because it's exciting, not because i give a shit either way. I currently rent, and don't hold either in higher/lower esteem

I hate people who look down on people who rent, but it doesn't sound like you do @Timbucktwo98 It was just a slip of the tongue. I would just say 'I am sorry if I offended you' next time you see her. Sounds like you meant no harm. Don't worry about it.

I think they were quite touchy so I assume that renting is something that bothers them. I’d just move on and leave it in the past. It’s fine.

I live in housing association due to poor health and wouldn't be too phased by this. Try not over worry! I would judge you on your overall vibe and how you were overall.

If I saw them again one on one I'd possibly bring it up. Something light tho, like oh I thought how bad it sounded when I said just renting. I really hope I didn't offend anyone. I don't know why I said it like that. ' Or just leave it. I don't feel that alone is enough to strike somebody out tbh.

Renting is 'just' though. Far easier than committing yourself to a building that may or may not fall apart and take up all your cash, and easier to get out of.

I think the friend was being prickly and if it was said with no malice, your friend should recognise that. You sound nice.

You could've meant "Is he buying, or just renting?" to mean "Is it permanent, or just temporary?" Because I would assume buying a property means you love it, renting could be more of a stop gap. Either way, it's not friendship ending.

Sorry but I'd think you thought you were better than renters if you said that to me

Bit judgy of you perhaps. Scary. OP is clearly a nice person so the friends hopefully have enough emotional IQ not to react in that sort of way.

Honestly it doesn't seem like an issue at all. I wouldn't think twice about it. Renting is a less scary commitment than buying and that is what I would have understood 'just' to relate to.
In the nicest possible way, I wonder whether your sensitivity is because you do have a sneaky feeling of smugness about being a homeowner? That would be understandable/forgivable. But without it, it is hard to think why you feel so anxious about your remark.

Why is it scary? It's what a lot of people would think

I don't feel smug about it but I am (privately) proud of myself for it, its not something I ever talk about though. It came up in conversation when I first met the mums and that's been it, nothing since.

I’m with you. I hate those “just renting” peasants.

It wasn't a great thing to say but the eye rolls aren't fab either and a bit cliquy; everyone needs a chance. Oh well, they either get over it or you move on.

Oh god I did something like this once. Was sitting with mil and SIL eating Easter eggs (many years ago). We had all had wine and were giggly. I said something like oh god if I ate this much every day I would weigh 14 stone, I absolutely meant to say 40 stone. My SIL snapped and said oh well I'm 14 stone I much eat shit every day! Never been the same with us since. As much as I tried to explain the worse it sounded

Bless you...I'm always doing stuff like this

Probably best to try and give people the benefit of the doubt rather than assume the worst I find.

Agree with this. I don't think the "just" is necessarily offensive - like @SidekickSylvia says for me it's more of a comment on the permanence of the arrangement rather than its significance.

It's really hard when you're new to an area and feel out on a limb. Try to push through it and keep seeing these friends if you enjoy spending time with them. The comment should soon be in the past and forgotten. And if it somehow isn't I'd address it briefly next time.

Better to assume people are ok with renting than put it down with a "just".

My son hopes to buy in the next couple of years or so he's only 21. And when he does I will be super pleased for him and extremely proud. I'm in no way going to be upset because I just rent. I don't get why people get offended really.

People really make an effort to take offence for no particular reason these days! So tiring.

I would have felt annoyed if you'd said this to me. If makes you seem like you're looking down on everyone that rents their home.

Is it chilly up there on your high horse? 🐎