I was an absolute twat for saying this wasnt i?

[Timbucktwo98]

I was at the house of a school mum. I've known her and the 2 other women for about 3 years, friendly but not close friends.

For context, I have a mortgage and they rent. One of the womens brothers is moving house. I said 'is he buying or just renting?'.

As soon as I said it I wanted to ram the word just back into my stupid mouth. Why that came out I've no idea.

I got a sharp reply back 'yes he's just renting' with accompanying eye rolls.

I can't stop replaying it.

Try not to worry about it, you didn’t say anything bad. ‘Just’ renting could mean not taking on the responsibility/burden of a mortgage, rather than anything negative. I wouldn’t judge this in any way if someone said it to me. Although you’re fixating on it, she won’t have given it a second thought and will be busy fixating on her own issues, like we all do 😊

@DistinguishedSocialCommentator - yep, agree with what you’ve just said but not your initial comment which was a bit OTT.

You should be "proud" very proud for buying your own place.
We have never lived in a rental and hopefully will never have to
Renting was and still looked down at in our culture and like it or not, its a fact.
A good fact as it allows others to rent social housing that may not be able to afford their own place.

Nothing wrong with renting if it via choice but our choice as instilled by parents and us to ur kids is, before anything else, get a property and everything comes after that. Where my parents come from, hardly anyone rents other than those on the lower rung of the ladder, so its a culture thing and a good one for us. But as I said, its choice for some to rent and not for others and the more people that own their place, the more soc housing to go around for those that cant afford to buy.

How did the rest of your time together go? Was there an atmosphere or just the eye roll and then you all moved on?

I think I don’t see the issue because you could have been referring to’just’ being the lack of commitment. It’s what I’d assume if it were said to me, probably because I don’t want a mortgage. The way they took it is their issue.

In hindsight, yes, but I felt it needed to be said as explained, ie, easier to say how it is if you don't know the person face to face. It is a leaning curve and at times stuff needs to be said and I just agreed with OP. But as others said, it is no big deal as long as its not repated.

It is ‘just’ though isn’t it?! Buying a home is a real ‘congrats’ moment after working hard and saving for a long time. It’s an achievement and something to be proud of. Renting is ‘just’ paying money to someone else to live in their house. It doesn’t mean OP was sneering or looking down on them for it.

"Do you have just one child?" is one I still cringe over. The answer was "No, i don't have just one, I have one".

I don't see an issue with what you said and wouldn't be giving it another thought. They sound easily offended.

It's the kind of thing I'd say and I wouldn't have meant it rudely either! Mortgage or just renting = less commitment.

I think the other replies are unreasonable, acting as though you've said something outrageous 🙄

I have one child and wouldn't find that offensive. People are so sensitive now it winds me up. I would have made a silent note to not be around them much longer if they were going to be so easily offended and make you feel bad for their sensitivity too!

Me and my sister both own flats we rent out (bought many years ago so we could afford to buy second homes).

Every person who's rented from us earns about three times more than us, but they're typically either young and waiting to get on the property ladder, self-employed or recently divorced.

But they're certainly not renting because they can't afford a mortgage.

What I mean is that renting for them is not seen as a lesser situation, just something that suits their circumstances at the time.

I’d do this too. I’m autistic and have a history of saying stupid things.

Oh FFS, she made a minor slip of the tongue - she didn’t shit in the hostess’s cake tin.

Don't worry op, it's really not that bad. Relax!

You’re massively overthinking it. It was one minor misstep. She might have thought “Hmph, it’s alright for some - not all of us can afford to buy”, but it’s not something to end a friendship over.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you've said.

Maybe next time you chat to them just try to laugh it off and say you always put your foot in it.

Next time you see her you can just ask how the move is going nice and friendly no mention of buying or renting! Try not to overthink it, it really does not matter in the grand scheme of things!

I only asked the question as she'd mentioned previously that he'd been wanting to buy his own place and he'd struggled to find a suitable rental.

I don't think you've said anything wrong either. Renting or buying can depend on many other factors and not just financially affordability.

I really don’t think what you said was that bad.

@Timbucktwo98 this is a personal opinion, not a judgement on you at all, I understand most people find it a perfectly acceptable thing to ask, just not me.
As it stands I think THEY were a little rude to you, and cliquey, rolling their eyes and all that, when you were clearly just trying to participate in the conversation. They could have just as easily glossed over it and carried on talking about something that was of interest to you also.

This is good.

And to be fair, I don’t think the “just” is necessarily redolent of attitude, although it was clearly interpreted this way on this occasion.

To me, the “just” is more about the level of commitment involved. If you are “just” renting you have the option of easily walking away from a property that turns out to have issues or be not what you are looking for etc. If you have bought said property, getting yourself away from it is obviously a much bigger deal and harder to do.

This is exactly how I would have taken it too.

I'm a life long renter and I think the woman was a bit mean to make you feel uncomfortable like that. I imagine the other women took note of her response and probably thought more poorly of her than of you. Please don't dwell on it OP!

I can see how it came across but I do this kind of stuff and my anxiety is terrible so I'd replay it over and over and go down a spiral. If it helps though OP if someone said this to me I wouldn't think badly of them I'd be too worried/anxious about what they thought of me and my renting situation and think badly of myself 🙈