I was an absolute twat for saying this wasnt i?

[Timbucktwo98]

I was at the house of a school mum. I've known her and the 2 other women for about 3 years, friendly but not close friends.

For context, I have a mortgage and they rent. One of the womens brothers is moving house. I said 'is he buying or just renting?'.

As soon as I said it I wanted to ram the word just back into my stupid mouth. Why that came out I've no idea.

I got a sharp reply back 'yes he's just renting' with accompanying eye rolls.

I can't stop replaying it.

I agree it's better not to ask. Someone I know posted on Facebook when she'd moved into a new house and said how lovely it was. A few people commented how lovely it was while one asked "are you buying or renting?" The OP ignored the comment but it did look a bit twatty especially on SM but the IRL is a bit different and also if they've talked about buying before it should be okay to ask.

Ive commented before and as I've said we all say things and it's not the end of the world. Theyre probably not dwelling on it so don't beat yourself up and also don't apologise as that makes more of it.

I'm with you @ChedderGorgeous 😂the riffraff mortgage brigade needs putting in their place too.

I feel for you OP. It's the sort of thing I would say if I was feeling nervous in a social situation and then obsess over it for days afterwards.

Although on the receiving end of the comment, I may have been a bit prickly too, sorry. Home ownership vs renting has become something of a sensitive issue in the UK unfortunately.

I'm sure they'll forget about it, and move on. When we had been renting for years (with very little hope of buying at that point) we had a couple of friends tell us to just buy a house because we were wasting money paying someone else's mortgage.. if only we'd thought of that! So it could have been worse!

I don't think what you said was that bad op. I mean there was no need for the word just.

It's exactly the sort of thing I'd blurt out not even meaning anything by it, then I'd probably try to dig myself out of it and be even more cringe.

Try not to worry about it.

It’s the word “just” you’re agonising over? I would say that just means it’s simpler to rent than to buy..we all make mistakes, give yourself a break!

They completely over reacted. It is very common place for people to rent rather than buy these days (as per the continental model), so it was a reasonable question, even if it did come out slightly wrong.

I call this being 'thought incontinent' I open my mouth and my thoughts fall out😅😅😅, I've given up trying to correct myself because it ends up worse🙄

No!
It was a simple, reasonable question, you shouldn't embrace or accept guilt.

Oh I replay moments like this in my mind too. I don’t think the gaff is too bad. As they get to know you as a person, they’ll see there was no nasty intention behind it.

Definitely this. I made a stupid comment and it worried me, so I sent an apology and felt much better afterwards and I felt I was back on an even keel with the other two.

It really isn’t that bad. I always do things like this then torture myself afterwards 😂 no one else probably bats an eyelid. Don’t let it stress you

I rent op and wouldn't have took offence at all. I personally have no interest in buying when I pay £450 a month for a large 2bedroom coac house. They were precious to eye roll.

FFS? Really? It’s a common question? Are you buying or just renting? Why would you find this offensive? 1980’s kid here, fucking wet wipes that cry over this shite, we're all f**ked. Touchy tw@ts.

I would 100% text her to apologise and say what you've said to us. Please don't beat yourself up about it, you're only human.

Ridiculously petty thing to cause offence IMO. Change your friends to less woke ones.

I upset someone once in my early 20’s. I was invited around to her place & I said “yea ok, I’ve got nothing better to do”.
She called me a cheeky bitch. I didn’t even realise at the time how rude that came across. I honestly meant nothing by it, just bad choice of words lol.

I wouldn’t worry about it. I rent and not sure I’ll ever be in a position to buy, I wouldn’t be thinking about it long after and I’m sure they won’t be!

I've only just stopped renting (through a sheer amount of luck!) and never thought I'd be in a position to do anything other than rent. I've said this phrase a lot (whilst renting) and had it said to me and never found it offensive. I think most people wouldn't. Try not to worry, they will know you aren't a mean person.

Why do you want them to like you so much?

I wouldn't have even asked the question. It's weird

It's good to talk about things honestly if it's still bothering you, particularly with friends, but please don't send messages saying how 'stupid' you are, how you're 'an idiot' etc. You can just say that you felt a bit awkward about how your question came out and you realise that feeling is still sitting with you. That's probably because of some of the things that you have experienced in the past around feeling the pressure to buy (or whatever is appropriate and true for you), but you value the friendship and so if you did upset anyone then it really wasn't your intention.

If they are your friend they will know it was just a question. I don't have a mortgage and if I was asked renting or mortgage I would say renting.

I would have interpreted it like this! "Just renting", not as in just a lowly rental pleb - but as a convenient not necessarily long term move, good for them but not quite like the commitment of deeds/stamp duty/mortgage

At worst, its clumsy. If these friends are giving you a hard time about it, they sound hard work and overly precious

You could send them a text and say I'm really sorry about how that sounded and explain you weren't being superior or snobby. As an aside I also wonder why you would ask if someone is buying or renting. I genuinely don't think I'd ask someone this.

Why did you ask the question?
What's been playing in your mind?
Pretty sure if I heard anyone was moving house - that is not something I'd even think to ask.
So why is it so important to you?
And why do you know if people are renting or have a mortgage?
Because that's something that's not really discussed among acquaintances.
I suspect it's a huge definition of self-worth to you that you have a mortgage. And you were outed by the eye-rolling.

Sorry, I really don't see it as a big deal. It's so common to "just" rent now, that it's hardly an insult. I think it was unnecessarily obtuse and mean-spirited of the other women to assume you meant anything by it and to make you feel bad for saying it.

The "just" is justifiable because it's marginally simpler to move house when you're renting, as opposed to going through the hullabaloo of buying.

From someone just renting...