Who wants to bet that my DH will do fuck all for Mother's Day?

[PlaceYourBetsPlease]

He forgot Valentines Day this year and birthdays have been sporadic.

I used to tell myself I don't mind and it was okay because I was matching his energy and not doing anything for him either. But he doesn't notice or care if I give him nothing for Valentine's or his birthday.

After valentine's day recently I've come to admit that actually I think I do care. It hurts when he doesn't bother. And I told him this.

I have a suspicion Mother's Day will go unmarked. He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort.

Anyway, I'm starting this thread wondering, based on the info above, what are the odds that I'll get nothing?

Results in one week!

Did you just blame a woman/mum for a grown man being useless?

How hard is it to buy a card and a box of chocs.i still buy a card for my dw even though her boys are gone...I like to reassure her she's still a mum.

Why wait to be disappointed.

Tell him how you feel and that you expect an effort.

Also what about his Dad? Why are moms ways blamed?

He likely learned how to treat women from his father.

You're not his mother though so why woukd you be upset if he doesn't do a thing for you? And if it's cos he is doing it on behalf of kids that are too young to understand, well wait until they are old enough to understand. Afterall is it called mothers day where children celebrate their mum.

Why would you expect your DH to do anything for you for mother's day? You're not his mother.

What happens when you say, ‘DH, I’d like X for Mother’s Day/Valentine’s Day?’ Does he say, ‘yep, I’m on it’ and forgets and does he not give a shit from the start? I’ve found telling mine what I want directly makes things easier for both of us

What's he like the rest of the year?

Talk to him, tell him I would really like you to help the kids do something for me for mothers Day. Then tell him what that is, make me a cup of tea, draw me a picture, make me a card, take them to buy me some chocolates. If it's important to you, then speak up.

It's an American idea brought over during WW2. My mother thought it was rubbish, so do I. Just another marketing opportunity. I'd be upset about my birthday however.

https://www.arenaflowers.com/blogs/news/the-history-of-mother-s-day/

These are made up days. For some people they have no meaning or connection.

My mum was OTT sentimental and collected everything and never lit a candle that was brought for her. She kept gifts unused on display. Made a big deal out of every card holiday.

It's made me the opposite, I feel nothing for these days. My children make me a card at school but there is no pressure from me to do anything.

Valentines just passes me by and the same is for dh with fathers day.

And when my mum asked me if I wanted her old candles as she had no space for her new centre piece candles, I lit them babies up.

Shit. I'm sure.

Have you considered a really clear conversation? Dh, I like events like Valentine’s Day and my birthday to be marked, for you to show some consideration. This goes for Mother’s Day. I can’t make you care, but if you don’t make any effort I am going to take a week away, I’ll book it for in the next month, and you will just have to cover at home and look after the kids. If you don’t value me I have to value myself .

much much better than sulking.

Maybe because she is their children’s mother and if they are young, he should maybe help them to get a little card/gift for mum to show they appreciate all she does for them?

Let him off? he is not a dog nor a child you have a husband issue dont blame your MIL

I would not want my husband to do anything for me on MD I am not his mother

@toomuchcardboard Mother's Day isn't "American".
It's actually called Mothering Sunday and is part of Lent. Obviously over time it's evolved and is celebrated by those who aren't Christian.

@PlaceYourBetsPlease does he actually know Sunday is Mother's Day?
It's early this year.
Tell him "This Sunday is Mother's Day and I would like to do .....".
If he doesn't do it - then he is a selfish git.

I went ahead and booked a table for a pub lunch a couple of weeks ago as dh has form for leaving it late. I've been very clear with my expectations.

@PlaceYourBetsPlease why are you investing energy on a self-fulfilling prophesy? You've already said your expectations are vanishingly small, so that's what you've got to deal with.

what is your life like outside Hallmark allocated days for buying cards and trinkets? Do you have anything going on that you're owning and doing for yourself.

dont put your life on hold waiting for someone else to make you happy. You'll have a long wait, you'll always be disappointed and your life will be over before you know it. Take a new approach, buy yourself something nice instead!

This. Also, give over with the "you're not HIS mother" bollocks/ Assuming the kids are under about 10 and need some help, 100% it would a nice, normal human thing to do to give a token of appreciation to the person who no doubt runs the household, washes his clothes and generally facilitates his "fathering" which I'm willing to bet consists mostly of the fun bits. And yes they should be appreciated every day and yes I am sure a random bunch of flowers on a random day is MUCH more meaningful than on a day when they've told to by Hallmark and all the other "I'm to cool to care about this" crap that gets spouted on here every year. But taken all that as a given, OP YANBU. Tell him. And if nothing is forthcoming, take yourself off for a few hours and let him deal with all the mothering for a bit since its so easy he doesn't need to acknowledge it.

I'm sorry some of these replies are so disingenuous.

The children may be young so need help/guidance/a nudge. It doesn't matter if it means nothing to him, it matters to OP and part of being in a loving relationship is paying attention to what would make your partner happy. He is also modelling this 'can't be bothered' attitude to his children who will consider it the norm. Yes, it's a commercialised day etc but so what ? A card and a box of chocs are pretty low efforcé and can literally cheer someone up, make their day and also show the kids how nice it feels to give.

Saying that I do think you need to have a conversation OP. You've got a week! You're both in the Zero Effort camp now from what I can tell (you also didn't bother w Valentine's?) so of course he's not going to get you anything. Speak up!

But I'd be surprised if lack of effort for gifts etc is the only issue here... you sound fed up.

If you have young DC, then he needs to be showing them the social niceties of celebrating other people when appropriate (which is why the "he's not your mum" wisecracks miss the mark every time). For their sake if nothing else, I'd remind him, once, that mother's day is on Sunday and the DC will need his help to get sorted.

DC once they are at nursery/school make cards there. Job done. Under that age they are too young to understand it really.

I don't expect DH to do anything for me for Mother's Day, he will senna card to his mum and I'll send one to mine.

If you have a specific expectation of something you need to say so.

He won't. My ex expected fanfare for his birthday, but regularly forgot mine. I think one of the final nails in the coffin was not only forgetting my 40th (TBH, I was used to it, and birthdays aren't big in my family, so I wasn't upset), but then being angry at me for it!

If he can't be bothered to think about you and do nice things even when there's an excuse, then there's no way he's being nice day to day either.

The mother of a pre nursery aged DC is in the trenches and if one of my friends told me her husband hadn't acknowledged all she was doing because she's not his mother, I would be very unimpressed.

FFS, you’re married so I’m guessing you’re not 13 years old. I’m also guessing he’s not psychic.
If it matters to you.. TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!