Who wants to bet that my DH will do fuck all for Mother's Day?

[PlaceYourBetsPlease]

He forgot Valentines Day this year and birthdays have been sporadic.

I used to tell myself I don't mind and it was okay because I was matching his energy and not doing anything for him either. But he doesn't notice or care if I give him nothing for Valentine's or his birthday.

After valentine's day recently I've come to admit that actually I think I do care. It hurts when he doesn't bother. And I told him this.

I have a suspicion Mother's Day will go unmarked. He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort.

Anyway, I'm starting this thread wondering, based on the info above, what are the odds that I'll get nothing?

Results in one week!

ARGH, is am sorry OP that does sound shitty. As a fee others have said, why not remind him tho, and mention you would like it marked in some way. Not that you should have to. To be fair it is possible to forget (if you keep your eyes closed round the shops never go on social media Nd don't own a calendar). I tend to remind my partner and my brother. I know I shouldn't, but saves the mom's being disappointed which is the priority really.

Yesterday my daughter's dad mentioned it actually and suggested swapping round our days so I can have DD for mother's day, which I was touched by I must admit. Between them they usually organise a gift too - last year was a nice cookery book I have used quite a bit.

If a man who isn't even with the mother of his kid can bother like this, there is no excuse for a married dad in my opinion.

Exactly.

And even my thirty year old former stepson remembers to send me a text (he lives with his mom and does much more for her, as is right and proper, but that text always cheers me up just recognising we do have a role in each others lives, although my relationship with his dad is long dead and buried.....)

So again, how much more should a father who has actually been given the gift of a child by his wife be doing! Some men do make me cross.

I have to say, it wouldn't enter my current husband's head to do anything for me/remind my daughter, so a good job her dad is on it ......

sorry, I don't know what your wife went through, but if it works for you guys, fine.

I hate mothers day passionately.

My wife's children are both dead ,one before the age of five the other mid twenties.so you see it's more than just a card.

He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort

It's a bit harsh to blame his mother when you've been letting him off too by telling yourself you didn't really mind.

OP hasn't said anything about having children, which makes all the angst very weird.

Op said she matches his energy and doesn't do anything for him either so all their children see are two parents who don't bother with special occasions.

That is awful. If a card is helpful, I can see why you do it.

Your in an absolute hiding to nothing trying to change people

some people hold ZERO value in such events
yes yes it means something to you and he should make the effort

tbh if he did get you something it’s a complete token gesture to appease you which makes it a worthless gesture

ether accept it , get your own or realise you have different values and aren’t compatible and end it

if one person loves and values stuff like this and one person doesn’t who’s views trumps the others

Do they bother with birthdays and Christmas?

An awful lot of people don't bother with Valentine's Day, Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Anniversaries as they find them over commercialised or think that appreciation shouldn't just be focussed on one day.

And there's nothing wrong with that. If you want to celebrate these days, that's fine too.

OP seems to be in a position of her own making whereby her DH doesn't care about these occasions and neither does his mother but she is only "pretending" not to care. Not communicating properly is worse for children to see, than not celebrating IMO.

You have agency and control in your own life. Why choose to be miserable? It would have been quicker to talk to your DH about your expectations that make this thread.

tbh if he did get you something it’s a complete token gesture to appease you which makes it a worthless gesture

It's also helping dcs to learn how to think of someone else, to buy gifts for loved ones and that even small tokens of appreciation can mean a lot.
It teaches them empathy and generosity.
Of course, it doesn't have to happen on Mother's Day but it looks like it doesn't happen much for op so she'd like it to happen on Mother's Day.

Ugh...this old chestnut.
Oc he should...itd recognizing what she does as a mum ..im sure OP will reciprocate on fathers day if he starts making effort.
OP if he doesnt...take yourself out for the day on your own...let him take care of the kids on his own... Lets see if he appreciates you then.

He would be better to give the DC paper and crayons and tell them to make a card than buying some random "best mother" item from a shop.

But, once again, people differ in what they want and some like to have bought gifts.

Well she must have surely?! I'm assuming young and not able to buy for her themselves. Otherwise yes, it's beyond weird.

If only it had been explained multiple times on the thread for the hard of thinking.

You/your husband/partner have trained DS well!!

OP - I think you need to explain to your husband that these dates are important to you and why - beyond the commercial aspect - do you just want the acknowledgement of the things you do for the family, are you feeling unappreciated, do you like keeping the trinkets as your child grows up? Considering why it upsets you will help you to help him understand.

My husband has ADHD and (though he cares very much) struggles with planning and timing future events. I've made peace with having to remind him multiple times in advance to plan and book something for special occasions eg my birthday or mother's day. This year it sounds like he's gone all out with a trip into London for a meal and activity with our three year old. Not what I was expecting but it sounds lovely :)

Why wouldn't you just be able to sit down with your spouse and have an open conversation about it?

Why all the guessing and guilt tripping?

Go get couples therapy

Worst M Day omission I ever heard of, was an ex colleague whose two adult dcs both told her later that they’d sent cards, ‘…but it must have got lost in the post.’

Not only not bothering, but lying on top. She was very upset. Her dcs were useless in other ways too,,though.

You are one of the most insensitive people I've ever seen on here. It is absolutely clear what they meant when they said his wife's boys are gone.

Why the fuck would a husband or partner be expected to register Mother's Day for their wife or partner??? I am at a loss.

Mother's Day - originally Mothering Sunday - if you must do it, is surely for children to appreciate their mothers?

@anythinginapinch yes but if the children are little they can't exactly do it themselves can they?

So wait till they are old enough to do something? I know that's not a popular opinion but it never occurred to me to do anything for Father's Day or expect anything for Mother's Day until DC were old enough to be making cards at nursery/school etc.

Maybe all these partners are absolute shits (and yes that is more likely) or maybe they hadn't realised like me that there was an expectation of doing something and pretending it's from a child too young to understand it.