Who wants to bet that my DH will do fuck all for Mother's Day?

[PlaceYourBetsPlease]

He forgot Valentines Day this year and birthdays have been sporadic.

I used to tell myself I don't mind and it was okay because I was matching his energy and not doing anything for him either. But he doesn't notice or care if I give him nothing for Valentine's or his birthday.

After valentine's day recently I've come to admit that actually I think I do care. It hurts when he doesn't bother. And I told him this.

I have a suspicion Mother's Day will go unmarked. He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort.

Anyway, I'm starting this thread wondering, based on the info above, what are the odds that I'll get nothing?

Results in one week!

Sometimes you cant change a person or what they do, only how you react to them/it.
Make it your day for yourself and make sure he knows it. In the words of Miley Cyrus......I can buy myself flowers........

Maybe he comes from a family where such things are just not important to them, instead of his mom ‘letting him off’.

Probably why he also didn’t mind you not acknowledging his birthday.

Does he treat you well and appreciate you otherwise?

We have shared calendars on our phone. Anything I think DH would forget I add an appointment and have the alert go off several days before.

I've just booked somewhere for us to eat on mother's day.

Sod it, no point waiting on dh doing it

"no, but I have had a conversation with you on here"

This isn't a conversation. If you think it is, that explains even more.

"Really, you want thanks for doing something you wanted to do. It isn't like you offered to do it instead of him, if you wanted a child you did what almost all women do if they are lucky enough to be able to do it"

If someone needed a blood transfusion for anaemia for three months and then tore all the way down to their arsehole, needing nine months of physio afterwards in order to have my child - even if they did all of it willingly and enthusiastically - I would probably stretch to buying them a box of chocolates once a year.

Having your child or having their own child?

Have you told him its mothers day this weekend? I didn't even realise until last week as its so early this year! Yes you shouldn't have to but if you don't you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Simple reminder - DH are you aware its mothers day this weekend? He says yes, leave at that, if he says no 'better get your skates on then'. No need to take it further. He knows, if he still doesn't do anything then have a sit down chat with him again.

Mothering Sunday has deeper roots though

"Having your child or having their own child?"

Both.

I have spent my time trying very hard to help you see an alternative point of view. You have been jumped at every opportunity to be offended, tried to be insulting and taken everything the wrong way. If you are looking for a reason your partner doesn't want to get into the habit of attempting to appease you with with some impenetrable code of "special days" and "doing them right" - then I suggest you simply reread this thread.

You are very hard work. I have tried to help you understand the other point of view. I am not going to try any more, it is a waste of time

@GreenRaven you've made a number of assumptions about the OP and these seem to be based on your opinion that celebrating a day such as Mother's Day is a waste of time. You seem to want to make her feel bad for wanting her partner to help their children acknowledge her role as a mother.

What she is asking for is perfectly reasonable.

No, I have attempted to explain the other point of view, and she has made a number of huge assumptions that everything is an attack on her.

Cards are a huge drain on financial and environmental resources, and completely unnecessary. It can be argued that sending cards is not reasonable at all.

If both people in a relationship agree with celebrating "days" - fine, it works for them. If two people agree not to, great, save money and save the environment. If two people in a relationship disagree, there is a problem, but the person wanting to celebrate is not automatically the person in the right. If you have agreed in the past not to, and one person then changes their mind, and person B does NOT change, then person B is not the person in the wrong in that scenario.

I have tried to explain all the reasons people might not want to celebrate days. Personally I hate it. absolutely HATE it. The waste, the expense, the hassle, the pointless strain on the environment. And the fact that people are often dissatisfied and resentful about other people's efforts in the end anyway.

Look on Mumsnet on Mothersday. I guarantee an endless stream of threads from people angry and resentful that their partners have done mothersday, but somehow or other not done it right

Green raven we exchanged views and once I pointed out the sad child losses my wife had suffered you took my point on board.you are very much entitled to a differing view point.if it's any consolation we both hate valentine's day.

"I have spent my time trying very hard to help you see an alternative point of view. You have been jumped at every opportunity to be offended, tried to be insulting and taken everything the wrong way. If you are looking for a reason your partner doesn't want to get into the habit of attempting to appease you with with some impenetrable code of "special days" and "doing them right" - then I suggest you simply reread this thread.
You are very hard work. I have tried to help you understand the other point of view. I am not going to try any more, it is a waste of time"

I have found nothing you've posted helpful.

You seem a bit unhinged.

Why don't you tell him that you want him to organise, pay for and arrange childcare for some marriage counselling sessions as your Mother's Day gift this year and your relationship currently isn't working.

Then leave the ball on his court.

Thank you! I am so glad that I am not the only person blindsided by this perpetually-moving day!

I'd rather have my endometriosis surgery all over again than go present shopping. Bright lights + loud noises + crowded place + trying to predict what another person wants = OH HELL NO

I have tried to explain all the reasons people might not want to celebrate days. Personally I hate it. absolutely HATE it. The waste, the expense, the hassle, the pointless strain on the environment. And the fact that people are often dissatisfied and resentful about other people's efforts in the end anyway.

Yeah you may have mentioned that once or twice .....

There is nothing in the OPs posts that have suggested she'd be dissatisfied or resentful of the effort her partner might make. You've added that narrative... why? Because a very, very small percentage of the population post their disappointment on Mumsnet?
That is not representative of the real world.

He should make an effort for his mum, but you’re not his mum, so not sure what he should be doing for you.🤔

Well don't make out like you've done him some huge service when you were actually having your own child. I hope your child won't grow up with the burden of knowing how much you resent having them.

erm helping his young children make an effort.

Good for him for not giving in to commercial bollocks.

"Well don't make out like you've done him some huge service when you were actually having your own child. I hope your child won't grow up with the burden of knowing how much you resent having them"

I was having my own child and I was having his child. Because only one of us, me, could carry the child.

Your argument would only hold water if he was also capable of pregnancy and birth.

No you had a choice, unless he is abusing you and you had no choice you chose as an adult to have a child. That is a blessing and you should be thankful as it isn't something that everyone who wants a child gets to do. Your husband and your child don't have some sort of debt to pay off because of your own decision. Maybe try counting your blessings instead of being so resentful.