Who wants to bet that my DH will do fuck all for Mother's Day?

[PlaceYourBetsPlease]

He forgot Valentines Day this year and birthdays have been sporadic.

I used to tell myself I don't mind and it was okay because I was matching his energy and not doing anything for him either. But he doesn't notice or care if I give him nothing for Valentine's or his birthday.

After valentine's day recently I've come to admit that actually I think I do care. It hurts when he doesn't bother. And I told him this.

I have a suspicion Mother's Day will go unmarked. He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort.

Anyway, I'm starting this thread wondering, based on the info above, what are the odds that I'll get nothing?

Results in one week!

If you OH is acknowledge what you do throughout the year then you don't need it to happen on one specific day

Just because it's a day marked as moters day which is just a made up day or has turned into a commercialised day.

A good marriage would see every appreciated on a regular basis

I think it's important for children to be shown that it is nice to be thoughtful and considerate of other people.....which is why I would expect a father to be buying a card or helping his children get mother's day presents for their mum.

But you are sitting back and waiting to be disappointed OP. I don't understand why you wouldn't just say "this is what I'd like, it's important to me." I did the same with DH yesterday and told him I'd like to go out for lunch and therefore could he book X place which he did. There's no harm in saying what you want.

Why narrow it down to a few days?

He should be considerate every day.

It just sounds like two flatmates, "matching his energy".

Insist he is loving and thoughtful in small ways every day.

A good marriage would see every appreciated on a regular basis

Does that mean you shouldn't also mark special occasions? The two aren't mutually exclusive.

I just don't get why people get so upset about Mothers Day! Exactly what everyone else has said - if you want him to buy you something then tell him. He isn't telepathic. Mothers Day means much more when your kids are older and do something nice for you off their own backs and you will look back and wonder why you made such a fuss. I'd be much more upset if my DH forgot my birthday.

the dds would make a card via brownies/school and the best part of the day was making me breakfast in bed.
only when ds was older did we go out for a lunch

when we were small (8 kids). My Dad would take us to Woolworths to get a present for my mum and we each used to get a small bunch of daffs to give to our Mum on Mothers day. This year my DH is taking me to an ice cream palour. I am a mum but my darling daughter is no longer with me.

Do you do anything for him on fathers day?

Interesting that you don't actually mention the children that you are the mother for - DH is not your mother!

Anyway, unless the DC are younger than pre-school/nursery age, they will doubtless make a card or a gift there so the occasion will be marked - by your actual children. so nothing for DH to do.

If they are younger, then don't assume he will work out that he should do anything. It's clear he personally doesn't care about events and this is perpetuated in his own family. So you need to make your expectations crystal clear.

And I don't get why people think it's okay to tell others how they should feel and when Mother's Day should mean something to them.

It is perfectly okay to want/expect your partner to acknowledge Mother's Day. If you have young children, that's how they learn that it's important to make an effort for the people you love.... same goes for birthdays, Father's Day and Christmas.

My DH is working away next weekend but I know he's bought a card and present on behalf of DS and they've hidden it so DS can give it to me on Sunday. I appreciate that small bit of effort.

Because I have worked these days in the past over 23 years (shift worker, so this mothering Sunday I'll be on nights!) I have placed less and less emphasis on them. I send my mother flowers and a card but there's more reason to this year as she has supported me through some life changes and I want her to know how much I love her for it.

My daughter will give me a small gift and card but that's it. Because I'm working we won't go anywhere. She's old enough to organise her gift giving by herself now.

Mothering Sunday is a religious festival where parishioners are called to the Mother Church (the highest in the area) for a service for Lent. It's now a secular day inspired by Mothers Day in the USA.

I think it's ridiculous to presume a whole day should be planned out. For me, a card is enough. Ops DH shouldn't feel obliged to organise a festival for his mother & his wife. Just gestures will do. Breakfast in bed for wife, flowers for mum. Job done. Usually primary aged kuds make something anyway. It's not anything to stress over.

what are you on about Mothering Sunday Is a religious festival, maybe your mum didn't like Americans who have their Mother's day in May !

anyway op your husband is thoughtless you blamed his mum obviously not hiz dad you are settling the same example to your own children, if you Want him to remember mothers day you will have to tell him, if not say you are doing xyz on Sunday Because its Mothers day. and do your own thing.

DH is not your mother!

And? She's the mother of his children.

As for those saying they'll make something at school /nursery. Don't bank on it.
I've not had a school made mother's day card since reception and DS is year 4 now.

If he’s lovely outside if this and it’s not a symptom of something bigger. Just be clear. This is what I’d like.

I do this with DH, his dad does nothing for his mum’s birthday etc …so he finds it hard to understand that I think it’s important. We had a frank chat. Dh doesn’t want presents for his birthday but understands I do like a bit of a fuss for birthdays etc and does that.

but I am really clear with him….nicely.

Absolutely! So let’s do both!

My point was if you are feeling appreciated and nothing specific is done on mothers day than you wouldnt care if it didn't.

see this would really annoy me. I wouldn't want either, and would feel like youve been taken for a mug falling for the advertising hype and spending the money. Card sending is an outdated, tone deaf and environmentally damaging practice.

I've raised me sons to ignore mother's day completely. It is meaningless and a waste of money. They show their appreciation for me in regular and meaningful ways - they don't need to collude with a Hallmark day.

My point was if you are feeling appreciated and nothing specific is done on mothers day than you wouldnt care if it didn't.

Nope. I feel appreciated but I wouldn't be impressed if Mother's Day was ignored by DH.
DH would feel the same if I ignored Father's Day.
That's all part of the whole feeling appreciated.

But he isn't your child. If he forgets his mother that's on him, but buying a wife something on Mothering Sunday is odd. If he's helping your children to buy something for you, that's different.

We have never done anything for Valentines because love and appreciation should be shown throughout the year.

Mother's Day we have always done cards from the children so of course Dh organises that. We keep it low key, a carpet picnic (lay a lovely blanket down) a movie I want to watch, yes of course The Incredibles is my choice for a film to watch with the children

Ds is at uni, even he sends me a Mother's Day card, it is in Google calendar anyway and he sets a reminder to buy a card in early February as it always happens in March. Birthdays are likewise in his calendar with a reminder for 2 weeks before to buy the cards and post them. It isn't hard.

I think communication and expectation should be laid out, same for Christmas. I am sure he wouldn't forget something for his boss and would put that in the calendar so he can do the same as my child, add things to his calendar now when you have this conversation and set early reminders to daily repeat.

Well I hope you never experience what my wife has went through and she appreciates it.

Even some of us who feel appreciated all year round still enjoy been thought of on commercial celebration days. I love it but equally, I don't get upset if dcs have done anything.

Op have a chat with dh, tell him you'd like him to help the dcs mark the day and give him an idea of how you'd like it marked.
Can be as simple as giving dc pens and paper to make a card or take them to the shops to buy some food treats or a little gift.
Or send him some ideas on Amazon and ask him to choose something with the dcs.

What youre doing is setting up a test that he doesn't know he's taking and then getting upset if he fails.

My hackles instantly rose at the "it's his mother's fault" No. It's up to fathers to help their children with Mother's Day, and their mother's birthday and Christmas presents. It's all part of modelling functional relationships-which is a big part of parenting. And that applies even when the relationship has broken down, by the way. And it applies to mothers as well.

But he isn't your child. If he forgets his mother that's on him, but buying a wife something on Mothering Sunday is odd. If he's helping your children to buy something for you, that's different.

I don't think people are expecting a present from their DH. 😂
They're expecting their DH to help their children in the buying of a card/present and maybe booking a meal if that's what they want to do.

You can sit here and blame him or his mother or whoever else you want to until the cows come home. But you are avoiding the real issue.

Why do you put up with it? Why do you believe you deserve so little? You cannot change or control him. But you have control over what behaviour you accept in a relationship. You have set the bar so low for yourself.