Who wants to bet that my DH will do fuck all for Mother's Day?

[PlaceYourBetsPlease]

He forgot Valentines Day this year and birthdays have been sporadic.

I used to tell myself I don't mind and it was okay because I was matching his energy and not doing anything for him either. But he doesn't notice or care if I give him nothing for Valentine's or his birthday.

After valentine's day recently I've come to admit that actually I think I do care. It hurts when he doesn't bother. And I told him this.

I have a suspicion Mother's Day will go unmarked. He will forget for his own mum too - but she lets him off. Which is why he's so crap with making any effort.

Anyway, I'm starting this thread wondering, based on the info above, what are the odds that I'll get nothing?

Results in one week!

Why do they need to unless they are old enough?

@WandaWonder because it's a nice thing to do.

I hope you don't sing happy birthday though, because that's also American in origin. And if you're offended by anything from Germany I'd avoid candles on a cake.

@WandaWonder also I realise I was the one who said "little" but it also applies to older children too.
My daughter is 15 but she is autistic so she needs her dads help to do something for me for Mother's Day.

What a strange comment. My partner always sorts out Mother's Day with the kids. Otherwise they'd not be able to get anything unless we let them head out to shoplift a few things...🤦‍♀️

Op all that matters are the expectations you set or your relationship together.

Anyone else's opinion on what people should celebrate to what degree and who does what is irrelevant.

Have a conversation agree what you want to celebrate together and the expectation levels lay it all out on the table. Also let him know the consequences if he can't be bothered or routinely forgets. Have boundaries and expectations of what you want from your relationship. It's a invitation for him to either want to do those things because he loves and values you. Or the relationship ends. You have one life.

For me personally we celebrate all the occasions and all year round daily we show our love and appreciation. My husband plans and shows my children how we gift give, plan and celebrate someone we love. As well as show our love daily. Hidden notes messages around the house. Picked up a special stone flower whatever for you. As well as I've thought about what makes your life easier so I did xyz for you. Loving people well in the way they appreciate it is a skill it needs to be cultivated but effort and want needs to be there!

I absolutely hate this notion that if others celebrate differently they are falling for hallmark holidays. Literally not a single thing needs to be bought or "fallen for" we celebrate on different days and do different things than the commercialised "recommended things" but it's our relationship we make the rules. So can everyone else. But it's not unreasonable to want to be cherished and celebrated just because lots of people don't or see it as childish or spoilt.

I would 100% divorce a partner if they couldn't be bothered to celebrate me in the ways that are special to me. What's the point.

The first 4 or 5 mothers day went unmarked here, even though I always encouraged/persuaded DH to get his own mum a card.

I went years without getting Christmas presents as well. I've suspected DH was ND for a long time and he finds shopping stressful and overwhelming. As soon as DD could use the Internet she has basically arranged birthday/christmas/mothers day.

I instigated a chat about mothers day recently, and DH was stroppy and said he didn't know why he had to partake as i wasnt his mother. I suggested going out for a meal and chose a restaurant. I'm going to book it myself although I tempted to book for 3 and he can do his own thing since its nothing to do with him! 😉

I think people should be willing to remember days.

Compelled thoughtfulness is so odd.

Some really solid,loving partners and children may not remember these artificial tests of performance love while being loving all year round. Some selfish and unloving partners and children will make a huge fuss on Mother's Day.

Compelled love is not love IMO.

I like a home card from my kids - and maybe a cup of tea in bed. I hate the fuss.

I remember my mum with a card and a gift. But that's freely done

I would never expect my husband to do anything for me on Mothers' Day - he's my husband not my son. When my daughter was young, he took her out to buy me a small present or, much better, helped her to make me something, but once she got to her teens, and she was old enough to choose what she wanted to do to mark Mothers' Day, I didn't expect him to do anything for me. I always made sure he remembered to take flowers or another present to his mother but it wasn't necessary as it's a bit hard to miss all the hype nowadays. And now that our daughter is an adult and lives overseas, I really don't see it as any different to any other Sunday.

Even a very young child can scribble on a piece of paper. They don't need to go out and buy things.

@shepherdsangeldelight yes but they need someone to sit them down and encourage them to do it. Why do people on here pretend that the real world doesn't happen.

He did do something for you though. He took the kids out and bought you a gift from them. That's all the OP is looking for and I really don't think it's asking much.

Agree though in that it should be up to the kids themselves once they are old enough.

I mean your and every other posters faux outrage about dad's actually helping children to appreciate their mums is a bit silly isn't it even if you throw in the odd fuck into posts, children do not grow up knowing how to appreciate others they need to be shown/role modelled I mean who showed you how to appreciate your parents ?

My XP (children's father) will get me a card and present from the (little) kids, then take us all for brunch after a fun activity. I do similar for Father's Day. It's an easy kindness - and we're separated. I find it quite shocking that current partners can't make an effort.

I also think it's important that children are shown how important it is to recognise those they love throughout the year. My three year old loved buying me flowers and presenting them to me with some breakfast he had "helped" to make last Mother's Day. We mark all days, even with just a card, throughout the year as a good excuse to show love to people who deserve it.

When my daughter was young, he took her out to buy me a small present or, much better, helped her to make me something, but once she got to her teens, and she was old enough to choose what she wanted to do to mark Mothers' Day, I didn't expect him to do anything for me.

This is what people mean when they say they expect their DH to do something for them on Mothers Day. They don't expect a present or card from their DH......

If it matters to you, you need to tell him. He’s not psychic and may genuinely not think about these things. If he does know these things matter to you, and still doesn’t make an effort then you have a problem.

Even a very young child can scribble on a piece of paper. They don't need to go out and buy things.

And who teaches them to do this? Their parents.........and for Mothers Day that should be their DAD!!!

This comes through valuing everyone as individuals and not necessarily through gifts. So things like offering a cup of tea because they need some time to relax, or having a particular meal because it's someone's favourite, helping out with chores and tasks, accompanying them to a favourite place.
There are so many ways to show you value and appreciate someone.

The comments about 'you're not his mum' are really sad. Presumably she is the mother of his children and Mothering Sunday is just about showing appreciation for the mums in your life. My dad always made a fuss of my mum, he still does now even though we have all fled the nest. We obviously all ensure she feels special now too.

My children are toddlers so my husband obviously does all the organising and so far he's been great. Likewise when Father's Day rolls around I ensure he feels appreciated.

Regardless, it's clearly important to OP and therefore it should be important to her husband too, it takes very little to buy someone a card and bunch of flowers.

I hear you, OP, although there are some very harsh comments.
What matters to one is one's problem. I suspect talking to him wouldn't make much difference.
I'm child free and my husband still wants us to go out to eat this Sunday. His Mother is dead and mine lives in another country.
And honestly, sometimes I wonder, why so stern here? Why so much swearing? Because we are anonymous? 💐

Everyone being aghast that a partner should do something for mothers day.
OK so a 3 year old could potentially scribble on a piece of paper or draw a pic but they won't know its mother's day by themselves? If they are at nursery they might do something, but they may well forget it, or need a prompt when to give it

Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day, Valentine's Day etc etc are all just ways of separating you from your hard-earned cash.

I usually get a text from DSis to remind me to take DM out to lunch for Mothers' Day because it's not in the Bank Holidays calendar on my phone and I have previous for forgetting it.

It doesn't help that it is on a different day every fucking year.

I'm not one for Hallmark holidays, haven't celebrated Valentines in maybe 20 years.

But actually I think Mother's Day and Father's Day are a bit different, and it's good for children to be encouraged to stop for a moment and think about all their parents do for them. As I'm sure we were all told growing up, "Every day is daughter's/son's day!".

Just like my mum insists she doesn't want anything for Christmas each year, and means it, and so we don't do presents between grownups but my DC get her some chocolates and hand cream or the like because they need to learn to give as well as receive.

A 1yr, wyr 3yr okd won't get it, don't understand it. At best it's likely from ryrs old. I mean 3yrs is hardly much.

Imagine if you birthday was around Xmas day, your whoke life you don't grt to celebrate it with your friends on your dY becuas everyone is with family. It sucks but it's notnend of the world.

And imo if my kids are too young to under I don't want oh to do it for them, so I can pretend they did gave it to me...it's like believing in santa when your an adult and you know its not real...weird imo