My child will not go the fuck to sleep

[bleurghbleurghbleurgh]

Honestly, at the end of my rope here. Single parent, zero support, dd wakes at 6 and literally does not stop from that moment onwards.

Bedtime has crept later and later, and it's now verging on 9/10pm. I can't understand why the fuck she is not tired, it does not matter if I've taken her out for the whole day/she's been at school and breakfast/afterschool club/run a fucking marathon and then wrestled a bear, she WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP.

I literally feel myself get so stressed from about 5pm onwards in anticipation of the absolute farce that bedtime has become. Threats/bribery do not work, and she's currently howling at me from her room, she can't sleep, she's not tired, she's bored, her 'brain won't switch off'.

She has a whole bedtime routine, she has nightlights/a yoto player with relaxing (ha fucking ha) meditation playing or white noise. Nothing fucking works!!!!!!!!! And then she complains she's tired in the day 🤯🤦‍♀️🙄

I am literally on the verge of going out to sit in the car on the drive so I can get away from the stress. Or carting her off to the doctors to demand they do something, I can't go on like this. Send help please.

How old OP?

Sorry, should have said, she's six.

Hold old is she OP?

sorry cross post!

And do you ever let her sleep in your bed?

No, she's never slept in my bed officially, she has taken to coming in at 3am and then wriggling around like a bloody octopus, which is especially nice as I am not getting to bed now til past midnight as I can only get on with chores/washing etc once she is in bed. I work full time as well, so I am bloody well on my knees by 8pm as it is.

It sounds like you need to completely de-stress the whole situation. Rebrand bedtime as 'quiet time' or similar, a period of time where she needs to be quiet and calm in her room, but she doesn't need to actually go to bed until she feels ready. You get your evening and she gets to relax without the pressure of trying to get to sleep.

The current situation isn't any more pleasant for her than it is for you. It's awful trying desperately to sleep, your mind racing, you're not tired etc.

Focus on creating a calm, relaxing space for her but with no pressure to sleep. I would include TV in this although that goes against every bit of advice. For now, just do what works and if that's laying in bed watching a movie, so be it.

Sounds so hard. I think you have to take a deep breath, be firm and stick to routine: eg 7pm in bed and that’s it. She may lay awake etc but your job is not to entertain her or help her fall asleep beyond the bedtime routine (assuming that involves a nice wind down and some good quality connection etc). Mummy has to do xyz. Rinse and repeat. You can leave her with books and a night light. After 7pm or whatever, engage in another task, don’t sit and simmer.

OMG I have one of these children and there's two parents here so you have my full sympathy.

Things that have had some success here (as in moved from your situation to in bed by 8pm and asleep by 9pm most nights but not all)...

• headspace sleepcasts from YouTube
• removing all "scary" things from the bedroom
• night light
• parent staying upstairs until he is asleep
• sleeping in our bed then move him later
• Bach's night time chewables

I was on the verge of buying melatonin from Amazon and in your situation I would look into it.

Advise or solidarity? If you’re open to suggestions - magnesium supplements helped my child. It’s so bloody awful, isn’t it?!

If it's not medical which only the GP Will be able to determine which I would push for if I were you some little things that may help could be...

Lavender bath, lavender moisturiser- Johnson's do one for babies and is fine for a 6 year old

Dimming the lights gradually in the evening

Moving her bedroom around for a fresh start

Lavender room spray and in her pillow

Fresh pjs

Fresh bedding as often as possible

New teddy

New nightlight or fairy lights or something like that

Try baby massage in her I know she's 6 but what harm could it do at this point

Ask her why she doesn't want to go to sleep?

Don't allow her to play in her bedroom so she knows it's only for sleeping

Be firm and don't give in when she goes to bed

Good diet, low sugar etc

No screens after a certain time

Vitamins? What about those natural oil rub ons for relaxation for temples and apparently those stickers that are out now that apprently aid sleep

Last resort tell her at X time if she wont go to sleep then she is to read books on her own quietly otherwise she can go up to bed. You need some time to relax

That sounds tough OP

With my DDs I used a routine, although they were younger than your DD, relaxing music before bath and not all lights on. I used Nora Jones and some classical music. I think that CD was Symphony of Sleep. It was a series aimed at babies/ toddlers. Can’t remember who made them, sorry, but you could find something on Spotify/Youtube. Maybe search for relaxing music.

I hope you find something that helps.

Not sure why my last comment has been hidden?!?

I had one and rolled my eyes at 6am wake ups as well. That was a bloody lie in for DD.

It was ADHD in our case and a combination of good routine, lots of exercise, melatonin, mindfulness, no screens from 5pm, and age 'solved' it. In that I don't hear from her from 9pm-6am. She says she still doesn't sleep but it's not affecting me. And she's bright and happy in the day.

I had the same, many years ago. My mum bought her a lavender pillow and dream dolls. They helped. That and white noise.

Have you considered letting her sleep in your bed as a ‘treat’? I no it’s a a potential rod for your own back situation but mine LOVE sleeping in my bed, it just works. Failing that, dreamcatcher helped mine to stay in their own beds too because they are adamant it keeps them safer.
I sympathise OP, mine were both similar at different stages, ultimately letting them in my bed occasionally gave me a break, and also I used to get into their bed with them for cuddles, do ‘best thing worst thing’ and then pretend to fall asleep in their bed. It’s not perfect bed time by any means but it worked for us and that’s all that mattered. Now (some time later) they both go to bed brilliantly, so I don’t care that it wasn’t perfect, the rod helped me survive and they aren’t damaged by it.

Hey OP x
I just wanted to say I totally feel your pain. My daughter is 9 and a half and never slept through the night 'naturally'.
I am also a single parent working full time.
I spent since she was 2 going around various services like the doctor, family support worker, school nurse - fiiiiiiinaaay got referred to a paediatrician and they prescribed Melatonin and Phenergan.
Totally recommend - maybe try and speak to your doctors or if not, you can buy Phenergan online and the paediatrician gave me a website address www.pipingrock.com for melatonin. DD was almost 8 when she started on 2mg Melatonin and 20mg Phenergan, she's now on 4mg and 20mg Phenergan.
Phenergan makes them sleepy which might be all your DD needs to help her go off x

It's honestly torture, I'm not surprised you're at your wits' end.

What works for mine:

Heating off at 6.30, so it's pretty chilly by 7.30, and she feels inclined to get into bed and stay there

One picture book with a small lamp on. Read very boringly, no funny voices, no laughing etc. Then lights off and I read her one chapter of something on my kindle, again read very slowly and monotonously.

If she's still fussy/wired after this, I lie on her floor and listen to a podcast with my headphones on. If she tries to chat I'll say "shh, no talking" maybe once or twice, then I'll just ignore her. If she gets out of bed then I leave the room.

I get that it seems very time consuming, especially when you're exhausted and pushed for time. But for me, it's much calmer and easier (and ultimately actually less time consuming) than the whole never-ending bedtime malarkey.

She currently has:

• yoto player with a vast array of relaxing stories/meditation cards
• lavender pillow spray
• fairy lights
• night light
• books she can read if she gets 'bored'
• a bath every night with lavender in it
• cuddly toys that she chooses on rotation of who to cuddle each night
• heating off in her room at least 45 mins before she goes to bed
• a snuggly blanket

I've had to go and get the shopping delivery and to my shame threatened to cancel her activity tomorrow morning, which has now led to tears and screaming, I am now also in tears, sitting on the stairs surrounded by melting shopping.

Had this issue last year and did a reward chart which worked for about two weeks. And then she settled into a more normal routine. But it's crept back up again and I just don't know what else to try.

I clicked on this thread as I've told myself that this school break I will be breaking our terrible sleeping habits. Our six year old daughter will not fall asleep alone, she wakes by 11 to come to my bed. Husband gets kicked out. None of its good. She then wakes numerous times in the night as there's me and a baby in the room. So we all get woken up. I'm now sat in bed with her having a cuddle while listening to a story on Tonie box. Really hoping she'll let me get out shortly and manage but it would be a miracle.x

My child was the same. At that age I left him to read books/puzzle books in bed and he eventually fell asleep.

Also I would just get on with your chores in the evening so you're not starting them once child is asleep.

I used to always say "mummy's voice stops working at 9pm" and pretend to zip it. No more conversation.

For now give her a cuddle and get her to help with the shopping. Don’t cancel the activity, she’s probably as clueless as you as to why this is happening. Never be afraid to give in and give her that cuddle, if you need one then so does she

I would let her sleep in my bed, but then I know she wouldn't even dream of going to sleep until I did. And I need an hour at least in the evening so I can have a shower and get stuff ready for work etc!

Not overly reassuring but I do think some children are just night owls.

I was the same when younger, often awake until 10. I'm still a night owl now, though I'd rather not be!

It's annoying when the only me time you can get is in the bloody evening!