My child will not go the fuck to sleep

[bleurghbleurghbleurgh]

Honestly, at the end of my rope here. Single parent, zero support, dd wakes at 6 and literally does not stop from that moment onwards.

Bedtime has crept later and later, and it's now verging on 9/10pm. I can't understand why the fuck she is not tired, it does not matter if I've taken her out for the whole day/she's been at school and breakfast/afterschool club/run a fucking marathon and then wrestled a bear, she WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP.

I literally feel myself get so stressed from about 5pm onwards in anticipation of the absolute farce that bedtime has become. Threats/bribery do not work, and she's currently howling at me from her room, she can't sleep, she's not tired, she's bored, her 'brain won't switch off'.

She has a whole bedtime routine, she has nightlights/a yoto player with relaxing (ha fucking ha) meditation playing or white noise. Nothing fucking works!!!!!!!!! And then she complains she's tired in the day 🤯🤦‍♀️🙄

I am literally on the verge of going out to sit in the car on the drive so I can get away from the stress. Or carting her off to the doctors to demand they do something, I can't go on like this. Send help please.

Or try cosleeping and both go to bed at her bedtime. Wake early to get tasks done

Also decluttering her bedroom may also help. from a feng shui perspective, avoid anything too "yang" e.g stuff stored under her bed, electronics, mirrors etc. I realise this is too woo for some people but anything is worth a try, right? Do a bit of research about better sleep and feng shui. you never know.

Yes and for some children this does NOT WORK. Zero difference at all. Everything stuck to for weeks on end. Still a non sleeping child.

Is she frightened of the dark or being alone?

My child is the same she’s not going sleep until midnight and she’s 6 six I’ve done all the relaxing routines and nothing works I read her 2 stories before bed but if I ask her to go sleep she gets herself in such a state hitting herself chucking things hurting me screaming and I just don’t know what to do anymore next door neighbours are complaining about the noise

@@aitchteeaitch I don’t think I’m as far away from your position as you imply. I’m also saying the OP needs to aim to disengage more from her child at bedtime. Bedtime for the child is the safe and comfortable end of their day, not an endless power struggle or mum pandering to every request for attention.

But some children don’t sleep as well as others, and any parent trying to manage this has my utmost sympathy, it must be really tough.

Maybe try the reward chart again as if worked well last time?

Just get some melotonin. Honestly all this faffing about. She cannot sleep. Nothing will work except something to help her sleep.

She went to sleep before 8.45 on Friday night, and before 9.15 on Saturday. Those aren’t shocking times. So she can sleep, and OPs efforts are working. It’s worth persisting with her efforts first.

watch out for melatonin - maybe fine in the very short term to change up sleeping patterns a bit but it can affect serotonin or something I was reading! So should definitely be a last resort and used only for the very short term and on medical advice.

So many different ideas, yet none of them are the one I'd suggest.

She knows that she has to go to school whether she wants to or not because it's the roolz. She needs to learn that she has to go to bed at bedtime whether she wants to or not, because that's a rule too.

My inclincation would be somewhere on the relatively firm side, and with a determination to not give in to her shenanigans and tantrumming. Tell her that it is bedtime, and she has to go to bed whether she wants to or not, because it is children's bedtime and that's that. If she starts to create and scream and cry, then tell her firmly to stop making that noise. If she keeps asking for things, then she gets told no, she needs to do as she is told and go to bed. End of.

Yes you can be firm etc etc.
what you cannot do is MAKE some fall asleep.
If you have no experience of someone struggling to fall asleep then I suggest your advice will be useless to the OP.

Am feeling sorry for the daughter at this stage. Have been and sometimes still am the mum in this, so get the frustration, but like pp have said, you can’t MAKE anyone go to sleep and it’s awful to be forced to. It’s a never-ending cycle though if you get frustrated and even angry at them, which makes it worse for everyone. No way do I think it’s a good idea to let her scream and cry. I’d be trying a reset. Ie don’t put her to bed, let her fall asleep when she’s ready and somewhere else if need be (sofa while the mum does a job etc). It won’t be forever but the situation totally needs all the emotion taking out of it, IME

Magnesium gummy helped my eldest a lot. I also was very boring after bedtime. So she needed to be in her bed, or she could follow me around while I did boring stuff like the washing and tidying up and ignored her.

Weirdly I have recently decluttered her room, and done a cull of toys she has grown out of. Zero impact!

With regards to the exercise, as another poster said, she could have climbed Mount Everest in a day and it wouldn't have had the slightest impact! Yesterday she did two hours of fairly active hobby, and then two hours in the playground/riding bike, just as an example, with general running about in between.

I've been trying magnesium gummies, recommended by another friend but it's only day three of those and they don't seem to have any effect. She has never been afraid of the dark, and we have a 'monster under the bed' routine (I won't go into that now 🤣) if she does say shes worried, but again, I think that's more of a delay tactic!

The reward chart might work again, but she has unrealistic expectations of what the reward will be, and isn't as interested now she's older...

My alarm is set for work at 5am anyway, so realistically can't set it for any earlier, even if I went to bed with her. And frankly (call me selfish, I won't mind!) but I don't want to go to bed with her, I am on the go with work and single parenting from 5am onwards and I need a bloody hour to myself!!!

Just typed out a long response and comment has been hidden, very frustrating.

Can't begin to type it out again, but to summarise, i have tried everything that I've said, I need her in bed (again, not necessarily asleep!) as I have no break from 5am, which is when my alarm goes off for work, or she comes in at 5.30 without fail on the weekends, and I need an hour to myself to either get shit done with no interruptions, or just so I don't go bloody mad!!

Hopefully once she is reading better you can have a strict you stay in bed and read policy.

Although if she's anything like me she will stay awake reading...

It's utterly hideous for you to not have any "me" time.

I suspect she is like my 3rd DC and me and has an excess of adrenaline. We had retained reflexes treatment which helped massively and work every penny.

Could you get to Windsor or Petersfield? I cannot recommend Bob Allen enough, changed our lives www.accesspotential.net/contact

She's currently stomping around her room screaming and shouting. Actually worried she's going to come through the ceiling, I just don't understand. There must be something wrong.

Feel free to message me and I'll try explain more in the next few days.

The treatment is mainstream in Australia we are just way behind here!

Development with my similar seven year old; we have discovered a love of puzzles... So she has a special puzzle book ( word search, spot the difference, find this or that, crack the word code etc) and she gets in bed and does them for ages. She's obsessed ( potential asd) . Worth a try? I've stopped hoping she'll go to sleep, leaving me alone and giving me an hour of " me " time in the evening before I collapse is enough for me. Do whatever it takes I say. Would you be okay with her watching a gentle movie or something?

This sounds really interesting
I wonder how much it is?

My understanding is that the reason melatonin is restricted over here is becuasey the doses are difficult to calculate…I also read it can cause a delay in children starting puberty.
It seems extreme that you can only get it from paeds here while it’s sold OTC in other countries like USA and Spain.

I think it's because it wasn't officially tested on children. So it's 'off label' prescribing, which in the UK can only be done by a Psychiatrist. And they as a specialist have access to the studies done subsequently on use for children.
So it makes sense. If you can actually access one.

I don't see why a reputable vitamin company can't produce ok stuff, they all have to meet FDA regulations for sale in the USA.