My child will not go the fuck to sleep

[bleurghbleurghbleurgh]

Honestly, at the end of my rope here. Single parent, zero support, dd wakes at 6 and literally does not stop from that moment onwards.

Bedtime has crept later and later, and it's now verging on 9/10pm. I can't understand why the fuck she is not tired, it does not matter if I've taken her out for the whole day/she's been at school and breakfast/afterschool club/run a fucking marathon and then wrestled a bear, she WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP.

I literally feel myself get so stressed from about 5pm onwards in anticipation of the absolute farce that bedtime has become. Threats/bribery do not work, and she's currently howling at me from her room, she can't sleep, she's not tired, she's bored, her 'brain won't switch off'.

She has a whole bedtime routine, she has nightlights/a yoto player with relaxing (ha fucking ha) meditation playing or white noise. Nothing fucking works!!!!!!!!! And then she complains she's tired in the day 🤯🤦‍♀️🙄

I am literally on the verge of going out to sit in the car on the drive so I can get away from the stress. Or carting her off to the doctors to demand they do something, I can't go on like this. Send help please.

@RandomMess I am looking for the questionnaire but I can't see it.

What do you mean, pumped full of adrenaline?

Trust me, I make it as boring as possible in the evening. ESP when it's gone past the point of no return aka me losing my shit. I sit on the stairs, or sort the washing, there is zero fun to be had and she knows this.

I feel bad for her as she seems to be genuinely trying to go to sleep/be quiet and leave me the hell alone, but it's like she can't?

I can't find the questionnaire tbf.

If you have retained Moro reflex then you produce too much adrenaline and cortisol which unsurprisingly affects the amount of sleep you need/relax enough to obtain.

I suffer with insomnia and can feel the adrenaline pumping through me. I can be utterly exhausted but can't seem to just let go and allow myself to sleep. What helped was sleeping tablets. They taught my body to accept the feeling of falling asleep. I had to literally learn how to do it and then it became a habit. Now I know I'm an adult and she's only 6 but it could be that she feels 'wired' and can't let go. I have no idea if there are children's sleeping tablets but if there are, it might be worth trying to break the current situation.

We have one like this.... I remember reading the thread when it first popped up!
DD 8, ADHD and autism. By some miracle got the melatonin from the GP, but she's on 6mg (managed to get it increased twice) and she still will not sleep. Sleeps in with a parent, and goes through spells of extreme wakefullness... in half term she was awake till 6am some nights, and on one memorable day last week was awake for THIRTY. HOURS. STRAIGHT.

Don't know if that makes you feel better or worse OP, but you have my every sympathy. Dunno how we still function.

Here is the questionnaire

https://www.unlocklearningandhealth.com.au/retained-primitive-reflexes-screener-child.html

I can only personally recommend Access Potential. INPP.org offer treatment however it is ridiculously expensive for essentially the same thing there are other places/practitioners in the UK and it is mainstream in Australia!

Retained reflexes seems more common if you are ND, or perhaps those difficulties just mean you push for more help/answers. Treatment can massively reduce anxiety.

As well as my DC receiving treatment I have too and it definitely improved my sleep.

There is a film called "attention please" on Amazon which covered a Mum seeking treatment for her son.

I would agree with this. Maybe you could link being quiet in her room after a certain time with the reward of doing some special activities with you.

Eg, if she is in bed by X time and stays quiet even if not asleep ( your body needs to be resting now even if you aren't asleep yet) on Monday through to Thursday, then you have an extra special "later" bedtime on Fridays where you do an extra half hour of "mummy cuddles" and/or quiet time together such as colouring or stories or whatever.

OP- how is your DD now? Has anything worked? I'm having issues with my (almost) 8 year old who was a good sleeper previously but for the last 2 months our life has been turned upside down with her not being able to sleep.

Aware this is from February and I hope things have improved.

I wondered if you had tried taking the pressure off actual sleep? She can chill in her room for as long as it takes but the rule is that she only leaves the bedroom room for the bathroom. Her body will regulate how much sleep it needs, if she wants to read or listen to audiobooks or yes, even play, that’s fine as long as she’s quiet. Being forced to go to bed before you’re tired is miserable so let her do what she wants, as long as she leaves you to have your own downtime. Hopefully less stress for both of you.

Slightly late back to the party! Nothing has really changed I am sad to say, she did chill in her room for a bit playing etc but then it was getting to 10pm and by that time I needed to go to flipping sleep as my alarm goes off at 5.30, plus can never fully relax when she’s still awake, if you know what I mean (always an excuse to pop out of her room despite bribes/threats/consequences, none of which worked).

Anyway, she’s now back in my flipping bed, and tbh I haven’t got the strength to argue about it anymore, she will stay there and read a book (finally discovered the joy of reading), but again, she’s not really falling asleep until around 9.30/10, by which time I am going to bed myself.

Ive just resigned myself to it tbh, I spend about lot of time just scrolling mindlessly on the stairs to try and get a tiny bit of time to myself. I do think she has ADHD or some other underlying issue, as well as the lack of need to sleep, she literally cannot stop moving, making noises, talking etc. Except for when she is at school of course, where they have no concerns about her concentration/hyperactivitiy as they don’t see it!!!

Ugh. Sorry, no magical solutions or suggestions. This is just my life now. It’s exhausting, mentally, physically and emotionally, it really is.

Oh and I’ve tried to take the pressure off, just reminded her that she needs to be quiet and do something that will help her relax. However when it’s past ten and she’s still not asleep, I am afraid to say that is when I start shouting as I am at the end of my tether… which doesn’t help at all, sigh.

Mine were all similar. Some kids just need less sleep/are night owls. Maybe explain that you have to to do certain things and so she can sit up and watch you till maybe 8/9 but then needs to relax in her room. Agree Ken others to take the heat out of it. She’s not having any more fun than you, I imagine.
also, you could try something like a pre bed cup of hot chocolate/malted milk and tell her it’s helpful for making you sleepy.
but most importantly take the heat out of it for you both. She may not be an early bird or just needs less sleep than many children. Mine did. All happy, high achieving adults now.

Someone mentioned to me that almond milk promotes melatonin production, so D's has a cup of almond milk hot chocolate before bed (teeth brushed after!). It does seem to have helped a bit, whether it's the milk, having a full warm belly or sheer placebo effect on my part.

D's still struggles to get to sleep but we put on either classic FM or a kids guided meditation and I sit in his room but don't speak. If this doesn't work it's into my bed which seems to have a really containing effect then I just move him to his bed when DH and I are ready to go up.

No advice on the early wakes though, the struggle is real

Honestly what helped with us op is my DS having quiet time in his room. He colours at his desk, reads, and goes to sleep. Sometimes at 8 sometimes nearer 9 but he kind of decides and there’s no pressure. He is not tired at all (has huge amounts of energy) and he’s 6. I put on a
lamo for him. Honestly taking that stress away is easier.

I frame it as right it’s your quiet time here’s your colouring and reading (both kind of relaxing activities)

It’s completely insane that you can’t give kids melatonin in the UK. Over here they are in the supermarket next to the multivitamins. Anyone with a child that struggles to go to sleep gives them without a second thought. @bleurghbleurghbleurgh have you any trips to Europe coming up?

OP- buy melatonin from America (Pipping Rock). We bought 1mg melatonin chewable tablets and honestly they've been an absolute game changer. She falls asleep within 30- 40 mins of taking them and sleeps through the night. We can sleep too!!! Don't know what we would do without them. They are very cheap and are delivered within 7 days of ordering.

Alternatively, try to speak to the GP again to refer you to a consultant. We spoke to a pediatrician after loads of pushing and even though DD doesn't have a diagnosis of ASD or ADHD, she agreed to give her a prescription for a month. This is 2 months after we already started our online bought melatonin.

Melotonin is the way to go. 5mg is my recommendation. It literally saved my sanity.

I agree. I wasn't a big fan of medication for kids but it did indeed save our sanity!

I never knew about it for years. Even now I wish he'd take it more often but he's 17 and I can't force him. He's always been a terrible sleeper, always needed hugs/company to feel safe enough to sleep.