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Original poster

Aibu to think he should go and order me a coffee on first date?

411 replies

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:23

I've found this a bit rude. I've been on a couple of coffee dates lately (first dates) where the guy has already been at the coffee shop when I arrive and is sitting with his coffee. When I arrive , they greet me , but don't offer to go and order me a coffee so they just let me go up and order it and pay for it myself.
Call me old fashioned but this bothers me and I just find it rude. Would this annoy anyone else or is it just me?

OP posts:
RenegadeKeeblerElf · 13/02/2024 20:24

Out of curiosity, if you were there first and already had your coffee would you go and get him one? Or do you think he should be getting it because he's a man?

PSEnny · 13/02/2024 20:25

Just get your own coffee, if you have more than one it might be nice if he offered but I wouldn’t let that bother me.

MyGooseisTotallyLoose · 13/02/2024 20:26

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 13/02/2024 20:24

Out of curiosity, if you were there first and already had your coffee would you go and get him one? Or do you think he should be getting it because he's a man?

And another mn first response nails it!

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Precipice · 13/02/2024 20:27

No, he shouldn't go up to order your coffee. But I don't think he should order and already be sipping his own coffee. He should wait for you outside so you can go in together and order together.

wutheringkites · 13/02/2024 20:27

I think this is totally fine for a first date. It's meant to be casual, with no expectations on either side.

Hatty65 · 13/02/2024 20:28

Hmm. I don't mind getting my own coffee, but I'd actually be expecting someone to be on their best behaviour and keen to make a good impression on a first date. Yeah, I'd find it a bit rude.

Pacifybull · 13/02/2024 20:28

No, of course he shouldn’t get up and order you a coffee.

Original poster
Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:29

@RenegadeKeeblerElf but what if he asked me out for coffee? Shouldn't he pay for the first one at least? I think it's rude of him to just sit back down and drink his coffee and let me go and order mine

OP posts:
JacksonLambsEatIvy · 13/02/2024 20:29

I would go into it expecting to get my own coffee.

JacksonLambsEatIvy · 13/02/2024 20:30

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:29

@RenegadeKeeblerElf but what if he asked me out for coffee? Shouldn't he pay for the first one at least? I think it's rude of him to just sit back down and drink his coffee and let me go and order mine

If you asked him out, would you be expecting to pay?

wutheringkites · 13/02/2024 20:30

Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:29

@RenegadeKeeblerElf but what if he asked me out for coffee? Shouldn't he pay for the first one at least? I think it's rude of him to just sit back down and drink his coffee and let me go and order mine

Then I guess you're just not compatible with these men and you should move on to someone else.

Throwawayme · 13/02/2024 20:31

No, you should pay for your own. As pp said, if you got there first, would you have went up and ordered/paid for his?

Original poster
Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:31

@Pacifybull why not? Surely it's the polite thing to do? Especially if they asked me out

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 13/02/2024 20:31

He's a tight wad.

I met my husband as a skint student and even he bought my drinks on our first date

Polecat03 · 13/02/2024 20:32

I wouldn't expect someone to pay for my coffee just because they'd asked me on a coffee date, no. Or go up and order it.

DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 13/02/2024 20:33

It started on the wrong foot
Try someone else.
Everyone is different some want the other to get them a cuppa and others will complain if they were bought a cuppa.

holjam · 13/02/2024 20:33

On a first date in a coffee shop I wouldn't expect him to buy me a coffee at all. I wouldn't find this rude in the slightest.

InsidiousRasperry · 13/02/2024 20:33

I would expect to buy my own but think it’s weird to be sitting with a coffee already. I would think the same if we went for drinks and they were sat with a beer. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me though - but if it is for you then it’s fine!

Iloveshihtzus · 13/02/2024 20:33

Weird responses OP. I’m with you, if a guy did this on a first date I wouldn’t have a second. It’s OK to have standards and these are yours.

Workawayxx · 13/02/2024 20:33

Hmm, I think this is a bit rude purely because if I was there first (date, friend, anyone) I’d jump up and say “oh, I grabbed a coffee as I got here, would you like one?”. It’s sort of a rounds situation imo. Then the other person would get the second coffee (or initially say “no worries, you drink yours and I’ll grab myself one…”).

Mashedorboiled · 13/02/2024 20:34

I'd find it a bit rude too.

If I'm meeting a friend in a coffee shop, and they arrive later than me so I'm sitting with my cup, I do offer to go and get them something. They usually refuse, but not always. If they've been rushing to get there they often need a minute or two to get settled.

coxesorangepippin · 13/02/2024 20:34

Ffs of course he should buy you a coffee

What a cheapskate

coxesorangepippin · 13/02/2024 20:34

I'd probably text tbh and say I'm here now, what do you want me to get you?

Original poster
Coffeedate · 13/02/2024 20:34

@JacksonLambsEatIvy I might pay if I asked him out but generally I just think it's a gentlemanly thing to do for the man to at least offer to get the coffee. It's a £3 coffee. And the fact that they greet me and then sit back down again, it just doesn't sit well with me.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 13/02/2024 20:35

The bar is really on the floor. Of course he should get you a coffee if he asked you on the date