Aibu to think he should go and order me a coffee on first date?

[Coffeedate]

I've found this a bit rude. I've been on a couple of coffee dates lately (first dates) where the guy has already been at the coffee shop when I arrive and is sitting with his coffee. When I arrive , they greet me , but don't offer to go and order me a coffee so they just let me go up and order it and pay for it myself.
Call me old fashioned but this bothers me and I just find it rude. Would this annoy anyone else or is it just me?

This.

You wouldn't go for a meal and order yours before your guest arrived.

Ohhh grow up and pay for a bloody coffee. Mrs Pride and Prejudice.

See, if I arrived second and saw he already had a coffee I would ask if he wanted anything before going to buy my own.

Did you? surely you're "thoughtless and a tightwad" if you didn't?

Maybe he didn't think you'd be comfortable with taking a drink off a strange man

Bet he assumed she would be comfortable going home with him though had it been an evening date!

It varies.

I would decline a man buying me coffee, I prefer to buy my own on a first date. Insisting would make me end the date early.

@Icantbedoingwithit I did pay for the coffee evidently, maybe that's why he's still single because he doesn't

Plus look at all the ‘stingy DH’ or ‘non-CMS paying ex’ posts on here. Of course some of them will spend to lure you in then change, but in my experience cheapskates are usually stingy from the off as they can’t bear to part with a penny unless spending on themselves. Frankly seeing how happy they were to spend money on me was part of my due diligence.

Yes I don't think it's a man vs woman thing either

@SoupDragon why would I offer to buy him something when he has just been and is sitting there with a full cup of coffee?

If I were looking to get into a relationship I would like to start off on an equal footing. Definitely no 'chivalry'.

In fact, I think the other way round is more polite, no matter whom you are meeting: the second person says 'I'll just get a coffee, would you like another?'. I'm not dating, but among my friends that's the usual approach. Even more important if the second person had kept the first waiting.

Why would it go cold? They make them quite hot these days.

But it's okay for the women to be getting their meals paid for? What if they're poor and in debt? On a website made for women to post about their problems you'll see no end of cocklodgers in debt, but in reality some people are just fucking poor.

just as well for him! High maintenance, demanding, damsels in distress who can’t pay for their own coffee can be so draining.

I'd agree with thoughtless but not necessarily a tightwad

Maybe you're still single because you're expecting men to pay when there's no reason he should.

When I was dating I never expected a man to pay. It was always lovely when he did, but I never expected it.

Why are you still single?

Getting my own coffee would not bother me in the slightest and I’ve been married for 20 + years.

Yes I think he should

I guess depended on how packed it is.

And actually I think men should be paying on the first date and a single cup of coffee is hardly asking the world. Scary how low the bar is for some women.

Sounds fine OP, you are consistently late, they have already come to conclusion about you.

why would he buy you something when you aren't there at all?
why would he buy you something when he's already at the table rather than the counter?

I would ask if someone wanted something whe buying my own thing. Maybe he would want water or whatever. I'm not a thoughtless tightwad though. Or old fashioned and sexist.

@Terfosaurus I'm single because I'm fussy and won't go out with someone just for the sake of it. I don't stand there and expect it when I'm there but I certainly take a mental note of it.

Scary how sexist and against equality some women are.

Like a pp said, it's about starting on an equal footing to me. I have no interest in chivalry.

My bar is high for equality, I'm not owed a coffee or a meal simply because I have a vagina.

Maybe he (like you) is going on multiple coffee dates. It might only be a coffee for £3 to you but if it's his third coffee date that day it'll soon rack up.

When I was on the online dating conveyor belt I never accepted anything other than paying my own way on a first meeting; then if it didn't work out nobody was left feeling indebted or that they were owed anything.