Aibu to think he should go and order me a coffee on first date?

[Coffeedate]

I've found this a bit rude. I've been on a couple of coffee dates lately (first dates) where the guy has already been at the coffee shop when I arrive and is sitting with his coffee. When I arrive , they greet me , but don't offer to go and order me a coffee so they just let me go up and order it and pay for it myself.
Call me old fashioned but this bothers me and I just find it rude. Would this annoy anyone else or is it just me?

No mystery. Manners are about doing your best to make others feel comfortable in situations.

@Vonesk the irony of you complaining about people's manners whilst yelling at all and sundry on a forum 😂

Maybe that’s why you’re still single - because you expect it 🤔

Pedantic.

I'd agree if op was late but she was on time, it's not like he was hanging around for ages taking up a table without buying anything.

You can absolutely sit for 2 minutes at a table without a coffee while waiting for the person with whom you are going to have the coffee with to arrive. If anything, him going up to get his own coffee surely meant he couldn't also have been reserving a table at the same time because he would have been in the queue.

OP says he arrived early though, so it could easily have been more than a 2 minute wait? Even 5 - 10 minutes sitting at a table without ordering can be a bit awkward, depending on how busy it is.

Yes he should absolutely at least have offered you a coffee. If he/she has asked you out for a coffee, you arrive and they are sitting down drinking their coffee and do not at least offer you one that is rude. I would even do this if I were meeting my friends, ask in advance what do you drink and have the coffee waiting there if I arrive first. I would have brought him a coffee too if I had arrived before him. Basic manners.

Absolutely. Even my girlfriends and I never order before the other has arrived (we will definitely bag a table). I also think that some old fashioned courtesies are rather nice, so yes, he should get your coffee for you if he's asked you out. It's only a few £ and you can then say you'll get the next one!

Sorry, just realised a pp has said exactly the same as me.
It would put me off tbh...it's too blase (and somehow a brush off) for the early stages of a romance.

It's certainly true from some men that 50/50 on the first date is a test. My brother does this. He's been on dates and splashed out and then hasn't even got a text back. Then there are woman who continue expecting the man to pay all through the relationship. His test is simply to weed out the woman who take offence and/or see him as a meal ticket during a relationship.

I wouldn't want someone I wasn't close to buying my coffee for me. I'd be wondering if it came with strings attached.

It would be polite of him to offer. If I was meeting a friend, never mind a date, if I arrived first, I'd text to ask what my friend would like, or I'd wait and then order together when they arrive. I would never sit down and order a drink before the other person arrives. Unless I was particularly early, and thirsty..

Me neither - that’s a yuck from me too. I’ve actually earned more than the last 3 men I dated, including my current partner. I’m a lazy slob as well and he does far more domestic chores than me. Men who see women as a “prize” rather than an equal human being probably have other beliefs that I’d find objectionable. A man who felt it was the manly thing to pay for everything is far more likely, in my experience, to expect a woman to be a live-in maid than one who thinks all duties and responsibilities - financial, domestic etc - should be shared.

My partner and I split costs 50/50 because there’s no good reason not to. I don’t need or want looking after because I made choices that mean I’m financially independent.

I don’t wear makeup, I cut my own hair and buy my clothes on depop. Still managed to get dates when I was single. I couldn’t care less what some sexist men might expect me to do to my appearance, more fool you if you’re spending money on that.

Well they are probably wary of being seen as old fashioned and it isn't wise to take a drink from someone who you are just meeting. He could drop something in it 🤷‍♀️ so he can't win.

I prefer to buy my own. I would take turns in a relationship but no not with a stranger.

Wow, have better standards for yourself.

Over the price of a coffee? Seriously? Why?? Genuinely, why?

What nonsense about the ME. Women can buy their own coffees anywhere, even in Saudi these days.

Arabic women don’t demand to be coddled all the time.

Your generalisations are the racist ones.

1962 called and wants its attitude back.

She wasn’t. If good communication is part of good manners, which it is, you failed spectacularly.

It was the equivalent of writing in green ink.

Exactly.

I earn more than my husband too and we also split costs 50/50. I had no interest in looking for a man to ''provide'' for me, no thank you.

I never mentioned Saudi, and I'd love to see you try (and not as a Western-tourist)!

Btw, I also don't think Arabic women demand to be coddled – I know plenty who speak their mind.

If you want your man to order and pay for you because he's a man who's more capable than women, then by the same logic you should submit in obedience to him as a less capable woman. Nothing extreme – I mean just submit to him in small ways, like in certain religions (Islam or more traditional Christianity). I genuinely know people like that and they work fine. It's not at all for me but to each their own.

I have lived in the Middle East for 20 years so I can assure you that Saudi women can absolutely buy themselves a coffee. They can drive to a coffee shop too.

edit for crap typing

@Meowandthen can you read?

Are you always so rude and ignorant? Or just racist?