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Original poster

Should I let my DD have a day off school if she is tired?

201 replies

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

OP posts:
Hoglet70 · 09/02/2024 08:44

Send her in. You can't have the day off work when you are tired. She isn't a baby.

Qwerty21 · 09/02/2024 08:44

Definitely send her in. It sets a bad example to stay home for being a bit tired

HappiestSleeping · 09/02/2024 08:45

I had to have no pulse before I got a day off school. Also, you aren't teaching responsibility if you allow a day off. Imagine when your daughter hits the workplace and wants a day off because she's tired? I think you're doing the right thing sending her in.

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CringeQueen · 09/02/2024 08:45

I wouldn’t have sent mine in exhausted and unwell, no. She’s old enough to stay home on her own, why would you need to take time off work? You’re sending her the message that work/school is more important than taking care of herself and her health.

wheo · 09/02/2024 08:46

You've done the right thing op!!! Unfortunately life is such that you have to get on with it a lot of the time.

ColdButSunny · 09/02/2024 08:46

I would do as you did. Send her in and tell her to tell her teacher if she isn't feeling well.

MixingPlaydough · 09/02/2024 08:46

Oh course you send her in. It's half term next week she will have a whole week to rest up if she's still not feeling 100%. Letting her have a day off because she attended an activity until late is not a valid reason for missing school or a good lesson on how to behave once she's left school and has a job.

Queijo · 09/02/2024 08:47

One of the things with doing fun stuff after school is that you might be tired the next day!

I always say the same to Dd - if you’re feeling rubbish by break time tell your teacher and I’ll come pick you up. Only had to do it once, but she knows for certain that I mean it. By the time she’s gets in with her friends she’s usually forgotten how tired she is!

Glittertwins · 09/02/2024 08:47

Mine go in and they don't do the out of school activity that morning or the night before if it's going to affect school that much.

Original poster
chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:48

Thanks, the consensus agree with me so far. In my head I know I have done the right thing, but I also feel a bit mean. You're right, last day before half term so she has a week to recover. Hopefully it will be quite an easy day as well.

OP posts:
HoneyButterPopcorn · 09/02/2024 08:49

I remember a school trip when we all got back late (I think the train broke down) and the next day in lesson 1 the head teacher came into class to check who wasn’t there! He made a point to let us know he was checking who was on a duvet day.

put the fear of god into me!

DarkAcademia · 09/02/2024 08:50

I'd send her in. We've had a few after school events where the head teacher has literally said at the end "I know some of you will be getting in late, but I still expect you all here 1st thing tomorrow morning!".

She'll be fine once she gets going, and she can go to bed very early this evening. I've often sent mine in saying they can come home at lunchtime if they're still feeling rubbish, and have never once had a call.

Original poster
chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:50

I honestly don't think it would have occurred to her not to go in until her friends started saying they weren't and that was before the activity started!

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2024 08:52

It's fine. It's not the saltmines. I have had school ask me to pick up ds because he was grey with tiredness and I did feel really bad, but ultimately it's always a judgement call and I do think it's a good message in general that you get up and go in unless there's no other option.

Grumpynan · 09/02/2024 08:52

CringeQueen · 09/02/2024 08:45

I wouldn’t have sent mine in exhausted and unwell, no. She’s old enough to stay home on her own, why would you need to take time off work? You’re sending her the message that work/school is more important than taking care of herself and her health.

That’s because school is important, and life is about making the right choices, school comes first, if you will be to tired doing an after school activity you don’t do activities.

so you’re at work, go in the evening out for dinner/show/drinks to tired for work next day so you don’t go ! Good luck with that one

Comedycook · 09/02/2024 08:53

I'd have sent her in....it's Friday. She can rest and relax tomorrow. My ds likes to try this on the last day before a school holiday... apparently all his friends parents let them have the day off .

Spacecowboys · 09/02/2024 08:53

I would never have given my dcs a day off school for being tired due to choosing to do an activity the night before. What a generation of snowflakes 🤣.

BlueRidgeMountain · 09/02/2024 08:55

I’ve just had the fear of god put in me with you all saying it’s half term next week! Had to double check it’s definitely
the week after for my lot!
id also be sending my kids in - it’s one day, she can get through and have an early night tonight and a lie in. In this circumstance I’d only be letting them stop off the optional stuff (sports clubs etc)

user1471554720 · 09/02/2024 08:55

I was always sent on to school, and got sick on the floor a few times. The teachers rang for me to be collected. It looks better to go to school, faint or ger sick and be sent home. It shows that you really are sick.

idontlikealdi · 09/02/2024 08:55

Dts have had school production all week, they are tired and emotional and quite frankly hard work. Last night is tonight. They're still in school, IMO if you commit to do something you deal with the tiredness. It's half term here next week so they can chill out then.

If she's ill, that's different, but I don't keep mine off with a cold either.

Newbutoldfather · 09/02/2024 08:57

Of course, send her in!

What will she do if she goes out for drinks and a meal with clients when she is older, not go to work the next day?

I would say that these days being reliable as an employee isn’t the norm, so those who are (turn up on time, do the work asked of them) do very well.

Beezknees · 09/02/2024 08:57

I'd send mine in absolutely. If commitments outside school make you too tired for school then they'd have to stop. School comes first, everything else second.

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2024 08:58

What was the activity? A night hike up snowdon?

Saying that...DD1s headteacher gave them a late start the morning after their final school musical performance. They had been at school from 8am-9pm for three days, and 8-6 the day before that. She wanted them in by 11. DD went in at 8 as apparently lessons are less tiring them trying to catch up on missed lessons.

YukoandHiro · 09/02/2024 09:02

You did the right thing. It's the last day before half term. She has a whole week to rest it off and get better. Early night tonight and a relaxing weekend.

Fabulousfeb · 09/02/2024 09:03

If she's 15 and doesn't appreciate good school attendance and learning then I think it's too late to instill it.
My dds couldn't work harder at school, they definitely respect learning and one is looking at straight 9s at gcse.

If she tells me she is tired I totally trust her and let her stay in. She's probably asked twice in her school carer and because I trust her because she is trust worthy... I'm reward that trust.