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Original poster

Should I let my DD have a day off school if she is tired?

201 replies

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

OP posts:
104c · 09/02/2024 11:41

I always think "would an adult be expected to work in this situation".

Tired after one late night doing a fun activity/out with friends? Feeling meh a day before a weekend or half term? Yeah in you go sunshine.

Feeling exhausted, stressed and burned out over a period of time, exhaustion impacting physical health, getting worse and still a while until half term? Have a day off, mental health comes first, but we need a plan to stop the burnout getting on top of you worse again. (Study plan/speak to teachers about workload etc).

Weallnamechangesometimes · 09/02/2024 11:57

If mine would be too tired after the activity to go to school the next day then mine wouldn't be doing the activity.

Eccle80 · 09/02/2024 12:07

I would have sent her in - what time did her activity finish? It’s the last day before half term and she can catch up on rest at the weekend. I did let my similar age son stay off the day after he got back from a school trip abroad where the return flight was delayed and they got home at 2am, but school had already said they would authorise that due to the late return.

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DottyLottieLou · 09/02/2024 12:10

Correct to send her in. Set a precedent.

transformandriseup · 09/02/2024 12:11

My four year old is very tired in the run up to half term and has not been sleeping well
the last few weeks but I told her she needs to go to school and that it is only one day before half term. If she is genuinely too tired and the school call me I would pick her up. I would say a 12 year old would be able to cope.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/02/2024 12:23

Glittertwins · 09/02/2024 08:47

Mine go in and they don't do the out of school activity that morning or the night before if it's going to affect school that much.

This!!

don’t see how anyone could argue with this!!?

Manthide · 09/02/2024 13:48

This seems very common at dd3 (year 11)'s private school. Numerous times dd has gone to school after an event and her friends have had the day off because they are tired! It's not as if the event finished at 2 in the morning and they only had 2 hours sleep.
I have kept dd3 off if she's had a stomach ache which kept her awake all night even though it had gone by the morning as she was very tired.
The girls at dd3's school seem to think it's a given they don't come in the day after an event eg they went to Winter wonderland in December. The coach broke down on the way back so dd3 didn't get home until just before 10 at night. Most of her group were not in the next day.

Glittertwins · 09/02/2024 13:56

I bet most of those 15-16 yr old girls go to bed a lot later than 10pm normally!!!

VisionsOfSplendour · 09/02/2024 14:12

CringeQueen · 09/02/2024 08:45

I wouldn’t have sent mine in exhausted and unwell, no. She’s old enough to stay home on her own, why would you need to take time off work? You’re sending her the message that work/school is more important than taking care of herself and her health.

The OP says tired not exhausted, those are totally different things. No wonder we have so many snowflakes

Poor little things with colds and yawns, the big wife world is going to come as a shock

rainydaysandwednesdays · 09/02/2024 15:20

Yes you've definitely done the right thing in sending her in.

The real world won't be kind to people having a day off work cause they're tired.

It's Friday anyway, she can relax over the weekend ☺️

Bladwdoda · 09/02/2024 15:23

In the situation you describe yes I would have sent her in. However I would have allowed a day off for extreme tiredness after an extenuating circumstance. Eg being up late with an Ill relative etc.

Dd12 only having had 1 day off ever is astonishing. Does she never ever get ill? My kids had multiple days off straight from reception due to sickness bugs. They were never ending the first couple of years.

hungryhiphop · 09/02/2024 15:29

I would send her in, 100%. She's 15! She can cope with being a bit tired.

hungryhiphop · 09/02/2024 15:32

'You’re sending her the message that work/school is more important than taking care of herself and her health.'

@CringeQueen She's not ill. She's just a bit tired.
Sending her in gives her the message that she can be strong/ resilient and get through things, even when she doesn't feel her best.
It's a good message.
If she couldn't get out of bed or her cold was more like a flu and she was really run down, it would be different.
But having a little sniffle and being too tired for school after a late night/ hobby at 15 years old is just nonsense really.
I wouldn't want to reinforce that attitude. Kids need to build resilience.

SilkFloss · 09/02/2024 15:35

PLEASE don't tell your children that they can come home if they still feel rough later - this is not how we function at our primary school. We are inundated with kids complaining that their mum has said this (presumably to avoid an argument/buy themselves some time) but our rule is that they have to actually vomit or have a high temperature before we will send them home.

104c · 09/02/2024 15:44

SilkFloss · 09/02/2024 15:35

PLEASE don't tell your children that they can come home if they still feel rough later - this is not how we function at our primary school. We are inundated with kids complaining that their mum has said this (presumably to avoid an argument/buy themselves some time) but our rule is that they have to actually vomit or have a high temperature before we will send them home.

PLEASE push back on this policy with your senior leadership team.
There are so many illnesses that aren't vomit or temperature related. Diarrhoea, migraine/severe headache, ear infections, toothache etc etc.
How unreasonable and cruel to keep a child in school in pain and possibly making them worse or embarrassing them to tick a box according to a "policy". Parents are just trying to get their kids in because attendance is incessantly rammed down their throats by school staff!!!

Beezknees · 09/02/2024 15:49

104c · 09/02/2024 15:44

PLEASE push back on this policy with your senior leadership team.
There are so many illnesses that aren't vomit or temperature related. Diarrhoea, migraine/severe headache, ear infections, toothache etc etc.
How unreasonable and cruel to keep a child in school in pain and possibly making them worse or embarrassing them to tick a box according to a "policy". Parents are just trying to get their kids in because attendance is incessantly rammed down their throats by school staff!!!

Show quote history

That's not school staff's fault though. The DfE push that.

Floatinginvacherin · 09/02/2024 15:51

I would definitely have sent mine in. We are also lucky with health and have very minimal time off school for sickness, and my eldest is often deeply unimpressed by our line given than she has had friends in the past who frequently stay home for very little. But in day to day life we do just have to get on with it, or become one of those irritating colleagues who seems to go sick at the drop of a hat and winds everyone else up.

PopandFizz · 09/02/2024 16:10

If she's tired because she's quite badly unwell then don't send her in but if she's tired because she did a tiring afterschool activity then definitely yes send her in.

We all get tired, she's 15 and old enough to learn to manage her own schedule so she has enough energy for school.

Original poster
chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 16:19

Thanks everyone. An update, she didn't call to come home and said the day was "okay". I've bought her a chocolate bar and feel better for all your comments.

OP posts:
Validus · 09/02/2024 16:26

For ‘a bit tired’ my answer would be “off you go to school”.

For extreme tiredness, it’d be different. I was caught out by exhaustion myself last month, much to my surprise, and simply could not work that day. It’d be highly unusual though.

1mabon · 09/02/2024 16:52

Thin end of the wedge if you start that, she should go to school.

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 17:49

No I wouldn’t have sent them in. However I home ed my kids so I’m not best to be asked about state schools etc

i think mental health should come above academia…as well as physical health.

User3456 · 09/02/2024 18:13

A normal level of tired after a late night? Go in

But - the cold might change my decision depending on how bad it was (but then also if it was that bad they wouldn't be doing the activity either)

I would certainly do a temperature check and a covid test. Wouldn't send in if they had a temp or were positive for covid.

When DS had a cold but no temp we tested him for covid and I also asked him to wear a mask in school to reduce the chance of spreading it to anyone else.

If they're regularly complaining of tiredness I would have a chat with the GP, get some blood tests run etc. Post viral fatigue and long covid are both real things and some of our kids are suffering with them :-( if that's the case pushing through can make things worse.

Hope it's not that and she feels better soon

AngelinaFibres · 09/02/2024 18:16

We were only allowed to be off school if we had a temperature or D and V. No birthdays off either. I did the same with my children. My son is doing the same with his child on nursery days. There are many days when you wake up with period pain or a cold or feeling a bit bleurch. I always found that if I got up, had a shower and went in then, 99% of the time, I forgot about feeling any of those things and got through the day perfectly well. My best friends husband heads up a team who work for a large insurance company. The younger members are frequently off because they feel a bit tired, need to safe guard their mental health. His assistant manager got so fed up she said to one if the young woman " For crying out loud Charlotte, have you ever thought of just getting up and getting on with it for once". She looked absolutely astonished at the very idea.

Cerealkiller4U · 09/02/2024 18:18

AngelinaFibres · 09/02/2024 18:16

We were only allowed to be off school if we had a temperature or D and V. No birthdays off either. I did the same with my children. My son is doing the same with his child on nursery days. There are many days when you wake up with period pain or a cold or feeling a bit bleurch. I always found that if I got up, had a shower and went in then, 99% of the time, I forgot about feeling any of those things and got through the day perfectly well. My best friends husband heads up a team who work for a large insurance company. The younger members are frequently off because they feel a bit tired, need to safe guard their mental health. His assistant manager got so fed up she said to one if the young woman " For crying out loud Charlotte, have you ever thought of just getting up and getting on with it for once". She looked absolutely astonished at the very idea.

Hahaha. Those last lines did make me laugh! ♥️