Should I let my DD have a day off school if she is tired?

[chickensandbees]

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

otally understandable, nobody retains information very well when tired. If she's unwell too, being busy and tired just drags the illness out. And why go in to infect others?
All the replies about teaching responsibility are well intended but largely ridiculous because once you start work you're generally more mature and face serious consequences ifyou're always off sick : either don't get paid if you're on PAYE or go through disciplinaries if you're salaried ie., You go into work.

Mine are younger so my instinct is to keep at home, but I think all the reasoning on here is valid! I need to toughen up 😂

The parents that told their kid they didn’t need to go in before they’d even done the evening activity are well out of order & are not looking after their kids best interests.

you are being the better parent by making your child attend school as they should.

So interested to know how many of you work full time in an office every day of the week.

As in, you get up, out of the house by 7.30am, in work the whole day and then not back home till at least 4.30pm. You have no opportunity to use your phone at work (and therefore have those 5-10 minutes to yourself to arse around on MN) or even switch off for a minute because you’re pretty much supervised for the whole of the day. And you never ever get to say that you’re a bit tired and under the weather so can you stay at home just this once.

This is pretty much what a school day is like. No, she probably shouldn’t get a day off simply for being tired but everyone banging on about ‘work ethic’ and ‘just get on with it’ when they have the time to post on MN during a working day makes me laugh out loud.

I’m not saying I don’t get your point but the school day also has breaks in it for having a bit of fun (and switching off from learning), varied lessons which can be interesting, enjoyable or testing, and finishes a lot earlier than work. The journey there and back might be time out of the house but it’s not full on concentration time either. The school holidays are considerably longer than most people’s annual leave. It’s not exactly as you’re painting it.

I let my children have a day off occasionally when they weren't ill. But I knew they wouldn't the piss.

True, but the school day is rooted in the 19th century and hasn’t changed with the times, especially post covid. The workplace, however, has. How many of you are able to WFH when tired or ill? I had a friend boast to me that she hadn’t had a day off work since 2019 but then confessed when she had Covid she could sit in her bed with her laptop.

I’m definitely not saying that the minute we feel tired we should all just stay at home and not make the effort but I do feel those that have a hybrid work pattern now are in a much better position to manage tiredness or low level illness than those that have to be up and out every single day of the week in a stressful environment.

We don't generally allow people to wfh instead of taking sick leave. If they're well enough to work, then we expect them to work from their usual location for that day (we're typically in the office 3 days a week). We don't want to send the message that wfh is somehow an "easier" option where they can get away with slacking off a bit. If they aren't well enough to work normally, they should call in sick.

We do make exceptions to this, e.g. if the person is perfectly well enough to work but contagious, or if they have an injury that affects their mobility etc. However, we definitely have staff who want to use wfh as a means of having an easy day without having to take sick leave, and we are not keen to encourage this.

I find that WFH leads me to try to work when I’m really not well enough, and blurs my work/life lines too much into the bargain. But then back in the day when I went into the office every day, I usually only ever took time off when bosses ordered me to, as they couldn’t bear seeing me drooping round the office! I reckon my upbringing probably went a bit too far in the carrying on direction and I’d like to find a middle ground for myself.

No way though would I see a cold and a late night as enough reason to stay off work or school, unless we’re talking really heavy cold, in which case the late night would be immaterial, and probably wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Staying out late on a school night isn’t a good idea. Staying off work/ school because of it would make it worse.

@Teledeluxe "Staying out late on a school night isn’t a good idea. Staying off work/ school because of it would make it worse."

Depends what they're doing. Mine had outside school activities that sometimes kept them out late. I would sometimes let them have a lie in the next day.

Same here! I had to be dying before I was allowed to stay home. It's stood me in good stead throughout my working life though.

Same here. I had time off due to an operation, but that's pretty much it in 35 years of working life.

I worked like this for years before smart phones were even invented, millions of us did, why would that not be possible nowadays

And I'm pretty sure my childrens school is nothing like thay

@Fernticket "Same here! I had to be dying before I was allowed to stay home. It's stood me in good stead throughout my working life though."
Apart from anything else- I'd love to know how many germs you spread round your workplace. And how much crap work you turned in. And how unnecessarily shit you made yourself feel how often.

Depends. If she's a really exhausted then I'd keep her off because I wouldnt go into work absolutely exhausted either. If just tired I would send her.

My mother was a teacher.

There had to be vomit or profuse diarrhoea for me to be kept off school as it was near impossible for her to be off work.

I find it unfathomable how easily some parents keep kids off - for minor headaches, tiredness or just not wanting to go in. A friend has a teenager who ended up having a late night midweek for a music concert (watching, not playing in and allowed her to simply stay off school and lie in after it. In GCSE year. She's 16. if you can't cope with getting home at 1am when you're 16, you won't last long at uni

If she's a really exhausted then I'd keep her off because I wouldnt go into work absolutely exhausted either

What would you do though? Surely taking it off sick is an absolute piss take.

Apart from anything else- I'd love to know how many germs you spread round your workplace. And how much crap work you turned in.

Ive got a great attendance record because i grew up in a family where staying off was not an option. I'm also really bloody senior so no, not handing in crap work either. Just got plenty of resilience to soldier on evening if I'm not feeling perfect.

As in, you get up, out of the house by 7.30am, in work the whole day and then not back home till at least 4.30pm. You have no opportunity to use your phone at work (and therefore have those 5-10 minutes to yourself to arse around on MN) or even switch off for a minute because you’re pretty much supervised for the whole of the day. And you never ever get to say that you’re a bit tired and under the weather so can you stay at home just this once.

Well this is exactly what my teenage years were? There were no phones. I left for school early, walked there with a friend.after school i usually had a club, rounders team, school band etc or a music lesson which i walked myself to (about 20 mins walk from school then 40 min walk home). I can remember missing school literally once - i was 3rd year and got a vom bug and had ONE day off. No 48 hour rule back then.

I'm a happy, successful adult with a decent work ethic.

@Futb0l Glad you're not my boss.

Depends what they're doing. Mine had outside school activities that sometimes kept them out late. I would sometimes let them have a lie in the next day.

School is more important. I don't let mine do things that run late enough on a school night to need a lie in the next day. None of my siblings do either. It hasn't affected the kids having decent hobbies either, they all play music to a high standard, one's in the national youth orchestra and another is a decent county cricketer.

Curlewkate?
Ha? I get fucking amazing upwards feedback. I don't need you love

Every company I've worked for have limitations on self certificated sick leave. 3 occurrences in any 365 day period would bring a written warning.

@Futb0l I'd probably give you amazing upward feedback too, if you were going to give me a written warning if I got a stomach bug!!