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Original poster

Should I let my DD have a day off school if she is tired?

201 replies

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

OP posts:
exaltedwombat · 10/02/2024 17:44

I got away with this at school just once. Slept in, turned up at lunchtime. Teacher said 'No excuse! It's your own fault, I saw you at the Town Hall well after midnight!' 'My father WAS a candidate in the election!' 'Well, OK then...'

NoKnit · 10/02/2024 17:57

A 12 year old who has one ever missed one day of school in what I assume is 8 years including reception is a 12 year old who has probably spread all sorts around the school over the years. That's shameful in my opinion. I don't believe your child has never been sick

Segway16 · 10/02/2024 17:57

My children would have the day off. I would take annual leave if I felt rubbish or extremely tired, my children can as well. I’m satisfied it teaches them that self care is important and their well being is their highest priority. I’d also add their attendance is among the highest in their respective years (SEN child aside) as they are rarely unwell.

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Segway16 · 10/02/2024 18:00

IloveAslan · 09/02/2024 23:02

I agree that taking care of yourself and your health is more important than work/school - but really, tired and with a cold??? The fact that OP's DD hadn't thought about having time off until her friends mentioned it shows that she wasn't feeling that bad.

Believe me, people who take time off work for every little thing, often leaving others to pick up the slack, are not popular or respected - and you are setting your children up to be that person.

Unless your DD's after school activity had her up all night then I believe you did the right thing OP.

Show quote history

I take time off when I feel I need it and am the highest performer in my area. This view is outdated.

VisionsOfSplendour · 10/02/2024 18:05

NoKnit · 10/02/2024 17:57

A 12 year old who has one ever missed one day of school in what I assume is 8 years including reception is a 12 year old who has probably spread all sorts around the school over the years. That's shameful in my opinion. I don't believe your child has never been sick

Some people just don't get ill often, my secondary school child hasn't had a day off sick that I can remember and they certainly aren't going in and spreading germs

Different people have different constitutions

Skybluepinky · 10/02/2024 18:07

Of course send her in, if she can’t cope with the activity stop the activity not school.

AlphariusOmegron · 10/02/2024 18:17

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

No.
figure out why they are tired. Fix it. (Hint it’s screens and caffeine)
send em to school anyway.

NoKnit · 10/02/2024 18:22

VisionsOfSplendour · 10/02/2024 18:05

Some people just don't get ill often, my secondary school child hasn't had a day off sick that I can remember and they certainly aren't going in and spreading germs

Different people have different constitutions

Show quote history

It's just very hard to believe that a growing child has not gotten sick ever between the ages of 4 and 12. Yes sure some don't get that sick but I bet your child has gone in full of a cold and struggled at least once in those 8 years

Teledeluxe · 10/02/2024 18:50

Beezknees · 09/02/2024 08:57

I'd send mine in absolutely. If commitments outside school make you too tired for school then they'd have to stop. School comes first, everything else second.

Absolutely

jrc1071 · 10/02/2024 19:13

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

Cannot believe this is even a question… If your child is tired, keep them at home.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 10/02/2024 19:28

Tiredmama53 · 10/02/2024 07:20

Personally I feel that this is how we end up with employees who go into work nearly dying to make a profit for a bunch of people who don't care about them and would never pay the favor back. She should always be looking out for her own health and wellbeing because nobody else will be. She's 15 and old enough in my opinion to know her own body and judge if she needs a day of rest or not. In the real world we get sick day entitlement. Also it would surely be better for you for her to have the whole day off rather than have to leave work to pick her up, at 15 I'm assuming you'd leave her on her own rather than stay.

Show quote history

But surely you can’t think it’s fine for employees to not go to work just because they had a late night.

ThreeTreeHill · 10/02/2024 19:52

AngelinaFibres · 09/02/2024 18:16

We were only allowed to be off school if we had a temperature or D and V. No birthdays off either. I did the same with my children. My son is doing the same with his child on nursery days. There are many days when you wake up with period pain or a cold or feeling a bit bleurch. I always found that if I got up, had a shower and went in then, 99% of the time, I forgot about feeling any of those things and got through the day perfectly well. My best friends husband heads up a team who work for a large insurance company. The younger members are frequently off because they feel a bit tired, need to safe guard their mental health. His assistant manager got so fed up she said to one if the young woman " For crying out loud Charlotte, have you ever thought of just getting up and getting on with it for once". She looked absolutely astonished at the very idea.

I doubt she was astonished, she was probably just thinking what a twat

I don't think you should call in sick because you are tired from a night out, but I agree the attitude of just getting on with it is dated and I'm really glad younger generations are pushing back against the idea that you need to devote your life and health to your job. Rates of burn out are high, rates of mental health problems are increasing.

Personally I've worked with many "just get on with its'. Except they aren't. They come in spreading their germs, taking out half the office, sniffing and distracting everyone, the work they do is a bit crap because they feel shit. They get grumpy and moan because they are stressed and ill and burnt out.

Ffs take a day off. Work on your mental health and stop bringing your colds and grump into the work place.

IloveAslan · 10/02/2024 20:03

Segway16 · 10/02/2024 18:00

I take time off when I feel I need it and am the highest performer in my area. This view is outdated.

Show quote history

Well bully for you! Maybe no-one is affected when you take time off but I can assure you that many people are affected when a colleague takes time off for being a bit tired or having a sniffle, and the person who is away has no thought for how those people are supposed to do their own work as well as cover for someone else. It seems to me that prioritising one's mental health these days means not bothering about anyone else's. There have always been those who take advantage, but it has really ramped up in the last decade or so.

I suppose having a work ethic is outdated these days.

IloveAslan · 10/02/2024 20:04

jrc1071 · 10/02/2024 19:13

Cannot believe this is even a question… If your child is tired, keep them at home.

Show quote history

Cannot believe this is even an answer! What a way to set your child up for working life.

beyourownchampion · 10/02/2024 20:16

Allowing children to be off school when they’re not really ill is just teaching them it’s ok to not be committed.

I work in a Secondary school, it’s very evident that low attendance at school can lead to low grades.

I dread to think what these teenagers are going to do when they’ve got a career… just ring in sick on a whim? That’s going to go down like a lead balloon …
You absolutely did the right thing. 10/10 parenting 👍🏼

threatmatrix · 10/02/2024 20:22

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

You are teaching her for adult and working life. You are doing the right thing in my opinion.

NoKnit · 10/02/2024 20:25

beyourownchampion · 10/02/2024 20:16

Allowing children to be off school when they’re not really ill is just teaching them it’s ok to not be committed.

I work in a Secondary school, it’s very evident that low attendance at school can lead to low grades.

I dread to think what these teenagers are going to do when they’ve got a career… just ring in sick on a whim? That’s going to go down like a lead balloon …
You absolutely did the right thing. 10/10 parenting 👍🏼

The poster said her child has a cold though. That is ill and can be spread pretty quickly. It's senseless at the very least

JDJT · 10/02/2024 20:28

@NoKnit with a cold? If I called in sick every time I had a cold my employer would not be happy. It's around once a month now I have a toddler! I remember people coming into school with boxes of tissues to school when they had colds at my school. Was the norm to still attend.

NoKnit · 10/02/2024 20:35

Yes a child with a cold.

An adult with a cold maybe slightly different and possibly not in as much clise contact to others at work as a child at school would be.

But at the end of the day a knackered 15 year old with a cold is never going to recall in 15 years time the day they stayed home after a late night. It isn't setting them up for a lifetime of calling in sick and since the OP said she could pick her child up at breaktime it sounds like there was no real reason for her not to stay home.

user1471554720 · 10/02/2024 20:46

If they are at work in years to cone, they will think it ok to stay off work with a cold. It can become a habit, don't sleep well, ring in sick. Once you get a reputation for being 'come day, go day' and flakey, it is hard to shake off this tag.

Floatinginvacherin · 10/02/2024 21:08

My children genuinely are very rarely ill. I think between three of them they have had two vomiting bugs, one bout of Covid, a couple of heavy colds and some persistent diarrhoea between them in their whole lives. One has migraines. I see this purely as luck, but it’s true. They never got nursery bugs when they went. I have been ill more in their lifetimes than them all put together.

It can just happen.

PUGMEISTER21 · 10/02/2024 21:09

chickensandbees · 09/02/2024 08:42

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

Setting a bad example from when she enters the world of work. Dont set her up for a poor work ethic 🙂

mitogoshi · 10/02/2024 21:12

Mine are adults. School was prioritised over out of school activities!

Mmc123 · 10/02/2024 21:31

It depends, I have never sent mine in with a temperature, or if they appear really unwell .. although they have forced themselves in sometimes? Why would I ? They have a strong work ethic and can catch up on schoolwork/revision at home. By late teens if they are saying they can’t go into school I trust they’ve considered it and got a good enough reason ..it’s very hard being a teenager…
sometimes we all need a mental health day👍😊

Animatic · 10/02/2024 22:08

Given you generally have been quite strict with her attendance, letting her stay in as an exception is not an issue and in no way encourages irresponsible behaviour, etc (as some posters imply).
Imagine, you feel very tired and take a day off work. It feels so nice being able to just stay in and do nothing once in a while.