Should I let my DD have a day off school if she is tired?

[chickensandbees]

I rarely have time off work and am strict on school attendance with my DDs, DD1 is 15 and has probably had 10days off in her whole time at school, DD2 is 12 and has only had 1 day off. I'm fortunate they are rarely ill apart from coughs/colds which I would usually send them in with.

DD1 has an afterschool activity last night and one of the other children said her parents aren't sending her in today because she will be tired. DD asked if she still had to go in as her friend and a few others weren't planning to. I know she is tired and has a cold but I still sent her in and said if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.

I feel like I am the bad parent for sending her in, but equally I feel school (and work) isn't optional and if I start saying yes to this, when do I say no?

Advice welcome.

Week after for mine too!

I think it depends.
How exhausted is she?
And how bad is that cold you mentioned?

At 15, no, unless they'd been up all night waiting at A&E or something.

My DD is 5 and I do keep her off if she's very tired because she's still adjusting to school life and it's pointless sending her in just for her to be given colouring because she's too tired to do anything else. Her teachers send her home if she's tired too, so it's not just me.

You've done the right thing, OP. Once she's left school and has a job, she won't be able to stay out late knowing she's ill and then expect to be off work the next day. Hard I know, but true.

In primary I probably wouldn’t have but definitely would have in high school with the “ they can ring me if you are that poorly” proviso. Often seeing their friends perks them up and my mum ALWAYS sent me in.

You posted this at about quarter to nine.presumably you had already made the decision?
Tired from an activity to previous night? Yes I would have sent her in. However i do not agree with your stance on sending your dc in to school when they are ill.

@ilovebreadsauce it says in the OP that she's already sent her in.

Of course she should go in! At age 15 she should be able to have an after-school activity and be fine the next day, even if in the evening. (Is she never going to socialise with friends on a school night?!)
Having a day off for being tired... ridiculous.

Being tired is not a reason to keep a child off school - doesn't work in the adult world.

It’s the last day of term so yeah I would send them in as they have plenty of time to rest over the holidays.

Of course send her in, I want to know HOW you've managed so few days off!!

Of course you were right to send her in. She can get an early night tonight if she's so exhausted...but I bet she won't need to.

This. Being tired isn’t a valid reason.

Please send her in, it's important to learn that the world doesn't stop when you are tired, you can just go to bed earlier the following night. That kind of resilience is actually great, similar to the feeling you get from climbing a mountain (if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger). Obviously this is a much lesser degree, but imagine she went through life thinking that she can't do anything if she misses a tiny bit of sleep. Having a baby would half kill her!

It's also important to learn that being tired through personal choices shouldn't be accommodated in the same way illness is, by everyone else. I see students going to university who think they can get special treatment every time they sleep in after a night out - don't let her be that student, nobody likes them.

Hi @chickensandbees No advice but this from your OP really jumped out at me:
'if you're still not feeling well at breaktime get the school to call me and I'll come and get you. My reasoning is she may feel better when she is actually there with her other friends.'
The story of my childhood and one I (mainly) still live by now at the age of 52! Ha, ha.

No I would send her in. My oldest often complains of a cough/sore throat/headache (she doesn't enjoy school at all) and I always send her in and let her know she can let the teacher know if she still feels unwell and we'll collect her. We've not once had a call to come get her on any of these days.

This kind of parenting is why half of the people I work with call in sick at the slightest sign of a sniffle and leave us who just get on with it to pick up the slack

HAHAHAHA nice try love! In you go. Bit of fresh air will sort you out!
Wait until she has to go into work with a hangover after the office party!

Yes tired, very tired = go in. Exhausted might mean a day off - but exhaustion doesn’t spring from just from one late night.

Yeah you did the right thing. Next time she wants to do an evening after school activity like this one remind her she'll have to go to school the next day

I always send mine in unless they have a fever or d&v or are really truly like can't get out of bed unwell. I mean, my 10 year old doesn't go to sleep until 10:30 almost 11pm some nights as she stays up in her room reading. It would have to be a seriously late (1am?) after school activity to be so tired so as to not go to school. If mine ever feel ill, they know they can tell school and I'll come collect them, but it's always best for them to go in, with the obvious exceptions above. My mum was very lax about school attendance and I never had to go if I even looked a teeny bit tired. It did me no favours in the long run.

Definitely send her in. At 15 they are doing GCSE work and being ill is the only reason for a day off.

As a teacher we've always made it clear to pupils that the school will not be impressed if you are 'too tired' to come in the next day due to arriving back late from a school trip or activity.

Your teachers will be in, including those who were on the same activity. You are expected to be as well.

I would have let mine sleep if they were exhausted, and did. Both left school with three decent A levels and both have good jobs (one went to uni, one didn't and did an apprenticeship). A day off school really won't be detrimental to their education nor will it make them a snowflake as PP implied.

We e had a tiring week with after school activities but kids have gone to school and I’ve gone to work. Life goes on. We have another week still before half term but weeks are on for catching up on rest. Mine usually has an activity 10-2 tomorrow but they’re doing in 11:45 onwards as they have to stay later (2 dram and show day for 2 shows) so we get an unexpected lie in tomorrow and then the usual Sunday lie in.

My autistic teen is always tired. She would also waste the entire week away on bed if she wasn’t made to get up and go to school or bad activities she enjoys. Many of her friends seem to go to bed really late anyway, much later than the time we got in the other night.