If you are a sahm...

[spandauballroom]

Is that how you explain what you do if someone asks?
What do you say if someone asks your job?

You make a fair point about providing being a part of parenting; but if the children are adequately provided for by one parent, ( including on occasion savings or investments of sahp), that issue does drop away. I’m glad your set up works for you and you feel it works for your children and that it is encouraging their independence, but it’s really out of order to tell Bridget her children’s lives sound unhealthy. It smacks of exactly what people suspect is the issue with working parents: sour grapes.

What an odd way of thinking.

Can I ask, in your mind - what is the acceptable amount of time that a mother can spend away from her child?

Each to their own @aperolspritzbasicbitch many parents actually really enjoy spending time with their kids & don't feel the need to shout from the roof tops every few weeks their on the razz..

Well at the very least she is making a counter case for women having the option to care for their own children if they feel it is beneficial/ appropriate in their circumstances. I’m all for women being free to carve their own path without other women stigmatising them.

@Bridgetjoneski so to clarify then you don’t spend every minute of the day with your children. A bit like me then!

I enjoy spending time with my children. Very much so.

I also enjoy spending time doing adult things without them, be that a few hours in the evening once they are asleep, a whole day whilst they are with their father, or a weekend whilst they spend time with their grandparents.

You seem very judgemental about how other women spend their free time.

Do you have the ability to spend time socialising outside of the home if you wished to?

I don’t think it is about every minute being with them. I think she’s more focused on being the primary caregiver in terms of early educational and emotional input and guidance. And just enjoying them while they are young, and them having the benefit of your time to enjoy with you. Families often share talents and interests and it’s lovely to be able to embrace that fully. I don’t think it’s about a quota of hours.

Yes when the kids are in school I am not there! Did you expect me to be sat at the back of their classroom 🙄
I may see them from time to time if I'm in the school for PTA business. I also volunteer to chaperone on school trips & I volunteer to listen to kids reading.

Does this count as impinging on their independence?!!

So not full time parenting then. 👌

Hear hear.

Working mums play the long game for their dcs. Some SAHMs think meeting the immediate care needs during early childhood means their dcs turn out better. Actually SAHMs can be meeting their own emotional needs (not being career minded and all that), dressed up as meeting their dcs' needs. Martyrdom.

Somehow, all this no longer applies once the dcs go to school.

Sad to say there is barely any difference in outcome if both families are engaged with their dc. Never heard that SAHMs don't have kids with mental health issues.

It is absolutely fine to do whatever suits your family and your needs. This idea that working parents are not prioritising their dcs is quite deluded. If anything, trying to juggle work and a family means the really 'mummy martyrs' are working parents, except they just get on with it and don't crow about their superior parenting choices and sacrifices.

I said up thread now the kids are in school I am a sahm but once the holidays kick I'm back to being a full time mom😊

I don't think your splitting hairs terminology is going to catch on.

@blueshoes it's what works for me simply. Parents are perfectly entitled to describe their role in whatever way they see fit in relation to their level of parenting /caregiving.

@Bridgetjoneski okies. knock yourself out

Afternoon, everyone. Just popping by with a reminder that we do ask everyone to be civil, even when disagreeing with other posters. We understand that people feel strongly about this topic, but we'd like to keep the conversation going, so would really appreciate everyone's help with keeping the thread on the right track. Thank you.

I agree , and it's a shame that mum's can't all just accept that we all do things differently and do what's best for our own family , there's always conflict with these threads .

I just say "stay at home mum", Ive worked FT and PT over the years. Ill hopefully go back one day when last DC at school.

Erm I'm a full time mum.
That doesn't mean being with them 24/7.

Holy shit balls
Started this thread yday and then went offline wasnt expecting such a bun fight
I was asking as have always worked, p/t and so I have only ever been (job title) or (on mat leave)
Have been suffering a lot from mental overload and thinking about dropping almost all my hours to focus on kids for a bit while I regroup, and just wondering how that works when someone asks, what answers people give...
haven't had MNHQ comment on one of my threads like this in ages

Yeah I hate the phase SAHP because we're never in the house!

Phrase

I think just tell them what you like, there shouldn't have to be an element of shame or embarrassment.
This thread goes to show some people can really look down their noses at sahp.
I am a sahp and one friend used to ask what I did all day, I cheerfully said fuck all 😆

Why do you only judge the mums and not the dads who are also enjoying the child free dinner etc?

Worry not, @SouthLondonMum22 she's got a whole other thread about the topic where you can catch up on her opinions...

I've just seen it.

Wow.