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Original poster

I'm scared

450 replies

Underthesea65 · 03/02/2024 17:51

I know there's no magical answer but I just need to get my thoughts out. Sorry. I'm terminally ill. I'm 38 with an amazing DH, one adult daughter and one nearly adult daughter (19 and 17). I've just spent three weeks in hospital getting blood transfusions and iron infusions and currently I head to the emergency day procedure every three days for more. I have scope tests amd another procedure next Sunday. I'm in agonising pain, even with the highest dose morphine. I can do nothing for myself. I can't stop crying. I know there's people in far worse positions than me but I'm just struggling so badly at the moment. I know this thread is completely pointless to everyone reading it, but I just needed to vent, sorry

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Username123343 · 03/02/2024 17:53

I’ve heard you. It sounds incredibly tough.

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 03/02/2024 17:54

Username123343 · 03/02/2024 17:53

I’ve heard you. It sounds incredibly tough.

Thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
caringcarer · 03/02/2024 17:55

Sorry you're having to deal with this, especially the pain. Can they give you anything more for pain, different to Morphine?

WorriedMillie · 03/02/2024 17:56

I’m so sorry, that sounds unbearably hard. Sending a soothing hug xxx

wellington77 · 03/02/2024 17:56

You have every right to vent and more! I am so sorry this is happening to you. Does the hospital have a counsellor that you can speak to , failing that a massive punch bag?! The fact you have vented how you feel is brave for a start as you’re allowing yourself to feel and not ignore what is happening to you. I’m not an expert on this, but one thing that might be good to do is focus your energy on what you would like to leave behind in terms of nice messages, letters, pictures, video clips, bday and wedding cards for the future, I saw on tele once a memory box someone made, one for each child and loved one. It might be nice in a way to focus on that, and if you have friends who can help you with it, even better. I am sorry I can’t be of much more use, but remember when feeling low never hold it in. Sending all my love xxxxx

NecessaryNC24 · 03/02/2024 17:57

Oh OP. Being scared is totally natural- how long since you've been diagnosed? you might still be in shock.

Keep posting if it helps you Flowers.

PickledMuffin · 03/02/2024 17:58

I have no answer for you, I'm so sorry, but I'm here to hold your hand as I am
sure everyone else here is too. Giving you the biggest hug oxoxox

Rubyfw5 · 03/02/2024 18:03

I have also heard you and will hold you in my thoughts.

GalileoHumpkins · 03/02/2024 18:07

I'm so sorry, I think anyone in your situation would be scared.

Themermaidspool · 03/02/2024 18:08

I hear you. I'm also furious on your behalf, how bloody unfair. How shitty. Sending love xx

Kw1234hhggf · 03/02/2024 18:09

Allow yourself to feel what you feel, sending so much love and prayers to you.

AhBiscuits · 03/02/2024 18:10

I don't think there are that many people in worse positions tbh. Rant, rave and be as sad or angry as you need to be. Let it out. X

Original poster
Underthesea65 · 03/02/2024 18:10

Thank you all so much. Honestly so was worried you were all going to think I was being pathetic. I think I am still in shock. I'll hopefully know more after next Sunday when I get more tests and procedures done. I've been ill for quite a while and no one knew wat was going on. I then got an amazing doctor who actually took an interest and realised there was something really wrong.

OP posts:
NecessaryNC24 · 03/02/2024 18:26

No one thinks you're pathetic OP, quite the opposite Flowers

I haven't been in your position but I've had close friends and family that have, just remember I and many other posters are here and just a tap of the keyboard away.

I'll be thinking of you on Sunday.

AuntyMabelandPippin · 03/02/2024 18:41

I know there's people in far worse positions than me.

I actually don't think there is lovey. I can't do anything, but I'm thinking of you.

YeahBrackie · 03/02/2024 18:46

You're not pathetic at all. We are all here for you 💐💐💐xx

crew2022 · 03/02/2024 18:48

Thinking of you. Flowers
You sound amazing. I would be coping much worse than you.

RedDoughnut · 03/02/2024 18:50

Happy to chat and handhold if you are up to it. Flowers

Tilllly · 03/02/2024 18:51

@Underthesea65

I definitely hear you and I'm sad and angry for you
The pain isn't fair. They can do something about this, I'm sure.

You're far from pathetic. It's incredibly brave to say you're scared and not put some noble front on

fuckssaaaaake · 03/02/2024 18:51

I'm so sorry. I was moaning about some ridiculous pointless shit today and this puts things into perspective. You are absolutely allowed to moan. Life is cruel and I'm sorry, it's not fair

Datafan55 · 03/02/2024 18:51

You are being incredibly brave!

Whatever I think of to say sounds rather trite, but my sincere best wishes to you.

Lavenderosa · 03/02/2024 18:52

You are definitely not pathetic! What a nightmare for you and of course you're scared. You shouldn't have to suffer agonising pain - are you at home or in hospital? I believe there's a limit to the pain relief you can get at home. I hope somebody with better medical knowledge chips in to advise you. 💐

StopGo · 03/02/2024 18:54

My DH was finally diagnosed with terminal cancer when he only had a short while left. We had two older teen DCs.

You are entitled to feel however you want and cope however you can.

No useful advice but much love to you and your family Flowers

Tilllly · 03/02/2024 18:55

Do you want to tell us more @Underthesea65 ?

About your family or your condition?

Or anything you need?

Riverlee · 03/02/2024 18:56

Your feelings and emotions are totally normal for what you are experiencing.

sending hugs.