My sister wants to be a doctor. AIBU to say no?

[onthebesttrain]

To refusing childcare help

Not only would most medics say run for the hills anyway, most medics, as in 99.999%, don't have a child when starting medical school.

My sister is 10 years younger than me and currently doing a few shifts as a HCA at the hospital. She completed her a levels and has taken the time away to think of her next steps

She got an A in Biology, Chemistry and English Lit

My mum so supportive but suffers with bad MH issues and chronic fatigue. She said she was so proud of her for choosing medicine and that 'We will support her, I've said we can all chip in'

By all she means me and her... and it's a no from me!

AIBU? This isn't the odd but of childcare. This is ridiculous. Not to mention you need to often travel or live miles away at a moments notice for placements as an FY1, FY2

My mum can't take care of my nephew for that amount of time

My mum said she's really shocked I won't even consider it. I said she isn't thinking right and my sister needs to be more sensible

Seeing them both on Sunday... and I think someone needs to give them both a dose of reality

Our dad is a man of few words and won't.

Well she isn't going to get in with those a levels.

They don’t need a ‘dose of reality’ they just need a ‘no sorry I don’t want to commit to that’. Plenty of families would support their sibling with childcare for stuff like this if they don’t have a partner or parents that can do it. It’s not a crazy request. You don’t want to do it and that’s fine but they aren’t being CF for asking and its a big ask but not a ridiculous one.

I was just about to say that too!

3 a’s? Why not?

@wizzywig depends what uni I would've thought

This is going back 7 years but a cousin got into med school with just one science A level (St George's)

Your time - your choice

Just make sure that you stick to your guns

As in Bio and Chemistry and one other subject would get her into some med schools, as long as she has good UCAT etc.

I think the whole thing needs speaking about properly as a family.

How old is sisters child? Does she realise that after uni she may well lose family support if she moves away?

You don't owe anybody childcare, and your mother had no business volunteering your services without consulting you. Stand your ground! We all have to make choices based on what's possible with the commitments and limitations we have; this includes your sister.

I didn't say my circumstances. But I have a disabled child to care for and a NT one alongside

I don't have enough hours in the day. It's absurd

All you have to do is make your stance crystal clear from the very beginning. Do not waiver, and don't leave any room for ambiguity. Say "I will not provide any childcare for you." That's it.

If my sister was that academically able and had a dream like that I'd support her. But then again, she'd support me as well if we lived in the same country. So I guess it depends what sort of family you live in and how invested you are in your sister's success.
As an independent adult you can say no to anything you want.
Just don't expect her to help you out later in life if you ever need anything. Families are give and take.

Just be very clear in terms of what you can offer (and if it’s nothing that’s fine).
I think it’s virtually impossible to train as a nurse with kids let alone doctor so she’s very naive if she thinks she can do it. Let her look at the actual practicalities herself. She’ll soon realise.

Drip feeds make it harder to give relevant replies to be fair.

If you said yes, you’d be committing yourself for at least four years surely? Your sister and mum can’t reasonably expect that of you. What about your own children and career?

She'll get into uni. It's a shame you don't want to help her, but if that's how you feel just be clear so she can factor it into her plans.

Yanbu to refuse to do childcare. At least you're being upfront about it in advance.

Yabu to say your sister couldn't/shouldn't consider studying medicine.

@TeaKitten before being a carer to my child I was a midwife

So no time then either.

Most people with a FT job wouldn't have the time. My situation even less so with caring commitments but again, not really a drip feed since me being in full time work of sorts is a logical assumption

Bit of a dripfeed that came in while I was typing there. 🙄

I would do whatever I was able to do to support my sister. If your circumstances mean you are genuinely unable to help with childcare then you will just have to be honest about it.

3 x As should be ok..? And she has decent work experience.

I'm assuming your nephew is very young - preschool age. In which case by the time she did F1/2 he'd be at school hopefully with wrap around care. Obvs you can just say no to helping with childcare while she's a uni, but she should be eligible for a childcare grant which will mean she can use a childminder.

Not sure why you'd want to piss on her chips though. You sound quite mean...

A no from you is completely reasonable but please for your sisters sake make sure it’s a clear and unambiguous no. Don’t shy away from being direct as that doesn’t help her

And of course she may decide to go into research or something rather than into F1/2...

Tell them you are getting a job / starting a course yourself and will not be able. The end.

It is a drip feed and you are being hostile for no reason. I didn’t say you should provide childcare, i said they didn’t need a ‘dose of reality’. If you didn’t want anyone not totally agreeing with you it would have been better to not drip feed and probably not post in the first place really.

Yanbu to be upfront about how much/little you are prepared to commit to, but I wouldn't frame it as "and therefore you can't be a doctor." Is there a partner or other parent who can do more childcare? Tell your dsis to find out if there are any childcare grants or med school nurseries that would help. It may be that medicine isn't feasible, at least until the dc are older, but it's not fair to your dsis or to you to act like you're in charge of her future.