DRY HARD 2: DRY HARDER! Dry January 2024, Thread#2 🧃🧋

[HPLikecraft]

Thread#2...

Let's keep going!

Well, by tomorrow we will be 10% of the way through the year, so am looking forward to ticking that off. It is getting a bit easier now (famous last words) and I really want to keep going until at least next week.

Please can I ask your opinions?

Had a bit of a fallout with DH tonight, who doesnt really drink. He keeps saying in front of the kids “oh you look so much better for doing dry January” and things along those lines. As it happens, I also had three weeks off work, as well as made an effort to sleep better and eat better… and I think all those things have made equally if not more of a difference to me.

DC are 7 and 12 and they are picking up on the DJ bit and are now repeating what he’s saying. I appreciate he might mean them as a compliment but I’m taking them as “you looked rubbish before because you were drinking more”… and I just don’t think it’s appropriate to have conversations like this around the kids. In private fine, but there is no need for the kids to question things like this at their age. Just for context, DH is lovely but he quite often forgets that the kids are not adults and says or expects them to act in a way that you’d expect a 45 year old to, not a child. I wasn’t drinking that much but he hardly drinks anything at all (maybe a glass a week) so it’s all relative really.

I don’t want to put this in AIBU, but what do you think?

I feel like he does have a point but and I have benefitted, but he’s not making it well and I don’t like the kids being involved in the conversation.

@ParsnipAndPoppy I think he’s trying to be supportive but maybe making a bit of a hash of it. Surely all it would take is a quiet word about maybe not in front of the kids!

Thanks @asleepattheshop , I did that and then DS said he mentioned it to them again this weekend. He doesn’t really seem to see a problem with talking about it in front of kids, but likewise he doesn’t have a good filter over things in general?

Just gently remind him again, I’d ask - Is this supposed to be a compliment because it feels like a veiled criticism, are you trying to make me feel better or worse because your comments are making me feel worse and why would you want to do that?

Checking into for Feb. I’m not doing dry February, but I need to learn how to moderate.

I utterly blew it over the weekend. I had hoped that DJ would reset my drinking patterns. Nope. One glass turned into a bottle. With the wine came the munchies and my 3Kg January weight loss was ruined. Put on a kg over the weekend!!

So now I’m back to AF during the week. I’m not sure how to tackle next weekend….

Checking in. Thanks for everyone reflecting on how their post DJ approaches are going. I feel it is very much an ongoing experience - what works, what doesn't, and remembering that DJ was a good foundation and the benefits are not lost.
I've reached for the AF fizzy 'wine' a couple of times and am swiftly recognising this as a step back to the 'full fat' stuff. So I've decided to knock AF wine on the head for now.
Aim is to stay AF for the first half of Feb which slips seamlessly in to Lent, and then see what Lent positive steps I take. I've done many a Lent observance of abstinence but in recent years have adopted a 'positive step' daily Lent observance. Lapsed Catholic - but it never really leaves you!

I think I might be a bit furious. My drinking or lack of it is the topic of conversation amongst my friends...apparently, now they think I'm "Very Good!" and I'm doing "Really Well". After the "I can't believe it" I don't want or need other adults that I see for dinner once a month to endorse my consumption or lack of. I don't want to be the centre of the drama. I don't want the judgment of either passing or failing, being good or bad. My drinking was not a problem to these friends, half a bottle of wine and a cocktail over dinner is not exactly knocking down the door of the Betty Ford clinic. I don't need a pat on the back, I don't need people to become invested in my drinking or lack of. I just want to be offered a drink and make a decision wine, beer, water AF whatever and the answer to be "great" regardless, not too much to ask? I feel annoyed, patronised and judged.

Morning all. Still AF.

@ParsnipAndPoppy & @asleepattheshop , it sounds like you are both encountering similar reactions to your periods of abstinence, although coming from different places (the light drinking partner / friends who like a drink or 3). Once again, whatever the reaction is, I think it's more about the other person / people, than it is about you. I'd be inclined to be forgiving of them. They are reacting to something that is still relatively unusual - someone choosing not to drink. I think we are in the early stages of quite a major social change, and that always creates either resistance, or in some cases, people not quite knowing how to react or what the correct response might be.

Busy day today and looking forward to unwinding later with something AF. I think the best discovery for me has been that beer has a really nice effect based on its main ingredients, excluding the alcohol, which I would not have noticed before.

@asleepattheshop just ignore or embrace the praise! It's more telling about their own relationship with alcohol than anything else.

I've had a grand total of one drink in 2024, a glass of wine on Sunday evening with dinner. But I've been manically busy and not in a lot of social situations so the true test is yet to come.

'They are reacting to something that is still relatively unusual - someone choosing not to drink. I think we are in the early stages of quite a major social change, and that always creates either resistance, or in some cases, people not quite knowing how to react or what the correct response might be.'

Agree with this. I'm sure the quit-litters have criticised people they've told for responding with reference to their own drinking habits. I think they are fairly natural responses, even if not ideal.

I love the idea of being at the start of a major social change, makes it sound quite exciting

It's certainly become much less controversial in my friendship group in the last year or so.

My offering today. Would really love to hear others' thoughts on this book.

https://wellitywellness.com/2024/02/06/dry-day-37-in-the-realm-of-hungry-ghosts/

Thanks @wellitywellness , that sounds like an intense read... I can well believe that many of us drink to relieve the existential angst that goes with being human. Learning to create meaning in our own lives is a constant challenge, and sometimes we're just not up to it, or we need a break from it.

By contrast, I've just finished watching Painkiller on Netflix, which is about Oxycontin and the opiod crisis in the US (of which Oxycontin was the first wave starting in the 90's). What struck me is that if the substance is addictive enough, it doesn't matter who you are, what your childhood was like, or how much stress you are under. You can have the happiest, most meaningful existence, and still fall victim because you had an accident and got prescribed meds for pain relief, and those meds should never have been approved in the first place.

On a more positive note, many people who grew up in households where substance abuse was rife turn against it themselves and stay clean / sober. Also, I read that there are estimated to be 25 million people in the US who are in recovery from drugs or alcohol (and not relapsed). While it's shocking that they all got addicted in the first place, it's also fantastic that human beings have the strength to beat it, in spite of the challenges life throws at all of us.

The bit about stress resonated with me. I feel under a lot of pressure and very stressed out right now, and I so wanted to reach for the wine tonight. I didn’t, and the moment has passed, but I could easily have knocked back a few glasses to take the edge off. It’s tough.

Morning all. I've decided I'd better check in every day to keep me on the straight and narrow. I'll be embarrassed to check in and admit (yet another) failure!
It's such a horrible month, though, isn't it? So damp and miserable, despite valentine's day and my birthday.
It would be far easier to be dry in, say, April or May when there are new flowers and Spring sunshine to emanate a gentle feeling of positivity.

It's freezing chez Likecraft. Our heating system has some major problems that won't be fixed until Friday, so at least I'm feeling inclined to have hot drinks of an evening rather than cold wine.
And thank god for Oodies!

Well done to everyone still here 💪

Day 38 and still AF... Hope everyone is doing OK. I feel like I'm starting to notice the benefits more now. I'm (mostly) a lot calmer and happier, and seem to have more stamina.

Cooked a really nice meal last night and took my time over it (spicy black bean / butternut squash based combination + brown basmati rice). I think I'm starting to appreciate flavours more as opposed to just throwing something familiar together during an ad break!

Just a week to go until I hit my 45 day target, and I'm not itching to start drinking again. Hopefully that means I'll be able to moderate successfully.

@HPLikecraft , sorry for your heating woes - that sounds miserable. I agree, having a dry month when the weather is grim can be a challenge. But maybe it's good to prove we can do it at the most difficult time of year?

Some more musings on Gabor Mate's book from me today...

https://wellitywellness.com/2024/02/07/dry-day-x-hungry-ghosts-nature-of-addiction/

I'm very impressed with those still AF. I have done 5/7 dry, so that's my target for February hit. I just need to keep it up going forward. It's only been a week.

4/7 dry here and I'd like to improve on that if I can. Drank half a bottle of red last night and stayed up til after midnight binging a Netflix miniseries (Deadwater Fell, David Tennant as creepy doctor) and needless to say I feel rubbish today. I only work Monday- Weds now (going part time is my 60th birthday present to myself starting last week) and I think I will need to guard against a mindset that says I now have a 4 day weekend! Still checking into the thread regularly and enjoying everyone's updates - chapeau to those still keeping on keeping on - very impressed.

I've completed 6 full weeks now (apart from that one drink) and have lost 4lb. I didn't see any loss in the first few weeks so it was a pleasant surprise when I stood on the scales this morning. I'm planning to do a sugar free lent which is very daunting but hopefullly will give the weight loss a great boost!

And @HPLikecraft please do NOT feel anyone expects you to be an exemplar of sobriety (or anything else!) during Feb just because it was your thread. It's just lovely to keep it going for longer. I know I would have drunk more last night if it hadn't been for DJ and this thread in particular, so

Morning all, checking in- I am pleasantly surprised at how easy it has been not to drink this week, despite having wine at the weekend. I was worried that once I’d had a few drinks I would redevelop a taste for it and fall back into bad habits. So far, so good 🤞Planning on buying a nice bottle of white tomorrow to enjoy over the weekend.

Loving the fact that this thread is still maintaining support for all, despite the fact that some of us are reintroducing alcohol and others are remaining AF. @HPLikecraft do not feel the need to apologise, you are an amazing OP and one of the great things about this thread is that it’s 100% positive support and 0% judgement!

Another one that utterly blew my mind - the relationship between childhood trauma, epigenetics, and the "addicted brain".

https://wellitywellness.com/2024/02/08/dry-day-39-hungry-ghosts-childhood-trauma/

Something has changed this year. Not sure whether it's mindset - more reliance on AF free beers, Adrian Chiles useful concept of saving alcohol units for when it matters (because I really do not want to give up completely) - whatever it is alcohol-free days feel easy - haven't had a drink since Saturday and really haven't been craving apart from a brief thought yesterday.
Dh and I have agreed on a set of ground rules and having a partner in crime is great. We have opted for the 5:2 plus plan! So that's 2 days drinking at the weekend plus nights out during the week but no drinking at home during the week. Drinking in moderation on our drinking days. Last week I totaled 12 units - never thought that was going to be possible and feel so easy.

Morning all, like @FlyingPandas I'm so pleased this thread is still going and that it has morphed seamlessly into a combination of those who are still dry / back on it / trying to moderate. Well done @HPLikecraft for keeping us going. Day 39 for me and I was feeling quite proud of myself until stumbling across a Dry Feb thread where there is talk of aiming for a whole year off 😮. I am far too intimidated to join in but may lurk!

@pangolinfan , that is my worry. A half bottle sounds like a manageable amount, but with reduced tolerance I fear the consequences of returning to that level, even just once.

I'm still on my AF Beer voyage of discovery 😃. Have ordered some Lucky Saint Hazy IPA, which has great reviews. I was wary of anything in a can (other than guinness), but perhaps this one will benefit from being poured into a glass to appreciate the hazy appearance.

Last night I noted down all of the reasons I like to drink wine. I won't bore you with all of it, but one aspect is that it's a treat. But something I consume every day in a relatively (to me) large quantity (up to half a bottle) can hardly be described as a treat... Coincidentally I was reading some research which says that frequent drinking is as harmful as binge drinking... Already I'm wondering if 4 days per week (drinking) is too many, even if I only have a small amount.

Keep up the good work everyone, abstainers and moderators alike 💪🙂