I need a good talking to, bring me back down to earth vipers !

[GreenSilks]

I’ve been single for 6 years. Had one 6 month relationship in all that time. I have had approx 150 online coffee dates. I never fancy any of them.

In the 6 years I’ve just concentrated on bringing my 2 kids up, my career and making ends meet. I have a good life really, great family and friends but admittedly have been lonely for adult company. I go on holidays alone or with friends and am out most weekends doing sports or with friends.

All this is relevant as I don’t want anyone to think I’m just grasping at straws as I’m that desperate.

Anyway if I read on a thread on mumsnet what I’m about to post, I’d be rolling my eyes and jumping in with advice.

Here goes, 4 days ago I matched with someone on Tinder, there was an instant connection, and we went straight onto WhatsApp, at my suggestion. First red flag “instant connection” I mean what a load of shit, how can you “connect” with someone online??

We’ve talked on the phone a couple
of times, for 2 hours at a time. We laughed nonstop. It was just amazing.

Ok, second red flag …. He works abroad! I know! I know!! Although it’s 2 months away and 1 month home in the UK.

Third red flag- he’s 13 years younger than me! Tall, good looking and from what I can gather from the job he does, very financially secure. He has 2 young adult kids who he see regularly and an ex who isn’t a psycho.

Look I’m a veteran of on-line dating, and I’ve seen it all, but this guy I feel is 100% genuine! Although … 4th red flag I can’t find him on social media and I can normally find anyone!

Right vipers getting ready for the punchline. He’s home in 10 days and … I’m picking him up from the airport!

WTF! I am so excited, we’re talking about a future together. WE HAVEN’T EVEN MET!

He says he feels the same, he’s not gone as far to declare his undying love but he’s said loads of amazingly sweet things. It doesn’t feel like love bombing. He’s only (so he says) been in 2 relationships.

Wish I could enable voting on the App, but I’m being stupidly naive eh?

Should add, I'm in my 50's

Fingers crossed for you OP, but please keep safe as well. What kind of job is 2 months abroad then one month at home?

No social media is a massive red flag.

What about his ex and DC. Can you find them on SM?

Have you looked for him on LinkedIn? I hope the meet up is on way to him staying in a hotel. Don't take him home. Make sure you update a friend on your plans so they know where you are..

You've obviously got a picture of him - have you tried a reverse image search? I'm afraid this really has more red flags than a red flag convention in a Labour stronghold at election time!

Why so? I have absolutely no internet presence at all, never considered it to be a red flag though?

Nonsense! DH is in his late forties and has never had any SM, neither has his best mate and a couple of other men our age. It just isn’t a thing for some people.

Picking him up is mad!

Why don’t you meet up with him for a coffee the day after or something?

What happens if you don’t connect in person or, even worse, you don’t like him on sight? It’s happened to me several times and you can’t wait to get away.

I’m not saying that there aren’t a lot of issues here, but that doesn’t have to be one of them.

He said he deleted social media when he left his ex. Didn't want to see her posts or go searching. Including LinkedIn.

Very common surname don't know exactly first name. Do know his kids names but no way of knowing if they are his.

Don't worry about the safety side I'm all covered.

If something is too good to be true ...

And it just feels too good.

I know! I know!!!

Keep telling me!

But sometimes it’s worth taking a risk!

Hahaha

Have you video chatted at least?

No social media would be a positive for me! Couldn't be doing with someone who was prolific on SM.

What's an online coffee date? Like a zoom meeting?

You don’t know his first name?!

At first glance yes, you could read a lot of bad things here but actually he also sounds very, very similar to my husband and how we met (although not online dating) and it all turned out to be perfectly normal. Modern life is just so complicated that it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. Whatever you do, take safety precautions - make sure someone knows your plans, where you'll be, checks in on you etc. It's not that easy to find a real connection these days so it seems a shame to miss out on what could be a good opportunity.

I am blown away that in 150 dates, this hasn't happened to you at least 100 times. Why would you go on coffee dates with blokes you weren't excited to meet?

I'd say I felt like that, stupidly because it's false, with 80% of the blokes I met. Then, 90% of these I wouldn't fancy in real life.

It's nice to be excited, no harm in it. Stupid to think he's the one for you before you meet him.

Sorry didn't explain properly. Basically match online, then meet face to face for a coffee date.

Literally only half an hour or so to see if there was a spark.

@LynetteScavo

no it's NOT.

i don't have ANY. NONE.

An instant connection and so many positive things usually means love bombing.

Personally, I'd keep one eye on the possibility but proceed if I wanted to. Having said that, the only reason I ever stood someone up was when they were just way too over the top from the first hour we met. It was such an intense 24 hours that I ended up blocking them the minute they left and I didn't meet them later that same day because it was way too much, too fast, and they were making plans for us to move in together when they'd only met me the day before!

Worse case, you meet up, and it's not right. No harm done, walk away.

In the best case, you make a life together and start a new adventure.

Absolutely pointless getting Internet opinion. Just be sure to update us when you know, and have fun!

Just read 'picking him up from the airport'. You what?!? That is insane.

Basically match online, then meet face to face for a coffee date

Ah gotcha.

FWIW I am a bit of a 'when you know, you know' romantic... On the night I my DH I realised I'd marry him and he says the same. It was a complete instant connection. That was meeting in person though.

Just be careful, keep your wits about you and have fun. Plan for the worst, hope for the best ☺️

I think I'd wait for him to get home, then video chat then make a date to meet up.

Why? My husband has never used any form of social media, and I have never used anything where I could be identified apart from Facebook, where I've got the maximum privacy settings and only a small handful of friends - I only set up a Facebook account because it made playing a couple of games thst I play easier over multiple devices. The only thing that has ever shown up on any internet search for my name is a mention on the website of one of the schools I work for.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄